Is this why i'm messed up?

I feel neglected.
I grew up witnessing so many bad things, I've always kept it inside and never told anyone about it, mostly because I didn't want to share my emotions to someone who doesn't actually care.
I have social anxiety but also feel the need to hurt someone.
I don't like having friends and I don't need friends.
I don't know if this could be all my dads fault but I know I'm messed up, I feel empty and weak.
I was bulimic at the age of 12 and stopped when I was 17.
Now I'm 18 and my depression is getting worse, i think its mostly the hard life I've been through.
I was also raped and Ive encountered something I couldn't stop, I feel guilt and disgusted.
I feel no emotion towards people, I don't care if a person gets run over.
The only time I feel emotion is when someone asks "why are you so quiet, are you sad?"
I can't care less about other people. I just want to know if its normal I'm fucked up.
I hate the people around me. Everything and everyone is fake, if you think "love" exists then you're wrong, you can believe what someone says but that doesn't mean one day they won't leave you.
No one will ever be there. life is a circle, there's good times for you but the bad shit will always be one step ahead, in my case it's always there.
So is it normal I'm a freak. Haha xD