Is this whole situation normal? please help!

44% Normal
7 Comments

I have a girlfriend who I've been with for 9 months. I think I only started our relationship because I was lonely as heck before. So I lied to myself, and her, a lot. I told myself, and her, that she is such a great girlfriend who always cheers me up and comforts me, when in fact, she does the opposite.

In a desperate effort to make her feel important to me, and because of my infatuation with jewelry, I gave her a promise ring. I was hoping that we would grow closer and happier together, but she was still a jealous, rude jerk. I had sex with her too. She was my first, and I did it because I knew she wanted to, even though I didn't (I'm sort of asexual.) Now I feel like she only likes spending time with me if we're having sex. If I'm ever with her and we don't, she gets upset and doesn't really want to be with me all too much.

Big problem: Now I've found a girl who I have genuine interest in, and she is interested in me too, not just for looks, but we're so compatible. And she's an actual great person. I have really strong urges to leave my girlfriend for her, but I feel like I've screwed myself with all of the efforts toward our doomed relationship, and especially the promise ring. Not to mention the fact that now, all of a sudden, my girlfriend is acting so kind to me. She's making it hard for me to make up my mind.

What should I do? Should I try and make my relationship work, and miss an opportunity with this very rare girl? Or should I go for it with her, and be the biggest asshole in the world and break my promise? I've tried making my girlfriend not want to be with me by abstaining from sex (she is a HUGE fan of sex.) Should I keep trying that?

Thank you for your help

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 25 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • prasatko
    11 years ago

    The best and most reasonable decision (for both of you) is to end the relationship with your current girlfriend. Nothing good can result from a relationship where one partner is asexual and the other partner has a positive attitude to sex (or has a sex drive). Believe me, in the end the promise ring will not be a good compensation for her sexual frustration. So my advice would be: stop frustrating the girl and leave her so that she could find a guy who is into sex as much as she is. Sexual compatibility might not be the guarantee of a good relationship, but sexual INCOMPATIBILITY is always a guarantee of a bad and troublesome relationship.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    Men often take the easy way out and make their girlfriends break up with them. The one time in my life I cheated, I think that's what I was doing. It's not the right thing to do. When you break up with someone, they're left with all kinds of questions, the answers to which would be useful to them for future relationships.

    I think you have to tell your girlfriend what you told us and answer any questions she has. I'm not a fan of jumping from relationship to relationship without a gap in between but if this new girl really is what she appears, perhaps you should take your opportunity.

    Bear in mind, though, I saw a relationship with a new person as extremely desirable whereas - in retrospect - what I really found desirable was *not* being in a relationship with the first girl.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Thank you for your advice. I think I will tell her what I've said here.

      I noticed, the ironic thing is, my girlfriend actually did the same thing to her ex. When she met me, she left her boyfriend to be with me. I have a feeling it was just physical attraction though, because she doesn't seem to like anything else about me. And she was with that guy for a year and a half.

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      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Looking over your post again, the best thing about it is that you seem to have a real grasp of things and you are seeing them clearly. I hope everything works out for you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Thanks again.
          I'll try to make the best of everything.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    You should live your life. I'm in a tough spot myself right now, with a guy who's treating me like dirt. I'm ripening up to leaving. It's hard, I know. But seriously, sure you made a promise, but do you actually see yourself being with her forever? That's bullshit right? So why not leave now. You can't put up with her forever. That's what made me decide to be serious about breaking up with my guy. He's currently on trial. In the end though :/ We both know they're only being nice for now until they resort back to their rude ways. You need to do better. Leave her bud.

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  • livetolovelife143
    11 years ago

    In my opinion i think u should dump the girl your with, if all she is is a sex shark its not worth spending your time on her when you could be with a girl you really like. And it could be aomethjng more than you thought.

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