Is this the beginning of an abusive relationship?

This has gone from verbal abuse to physical abuse. I notice both times you hit first. A man shouldnt hit a woman but you cant expect him to stand there and do nothing while you hit him after all yous wanted equality. You both need counselling and you should end it now its obviously not working out. I would say at a guess that you start most of these fights and probably drove this man to hit you. If you stay together and keep pissing him off buy yourself a pair of sunglasses and a big jumper and hat to cover the bruises your gonna walk into a lot of doors

From wat you say now it was his fault so I suggest you break up with him immediately he is a control freak obviously and its only gonna get worse. If it continues your friends will not want to know they will think you are silly for staying with him and wont want to witness the drama. Your only young get out before your life is ruined

First of all let me ask how old you are?... Maybe this time ya shouldn't get back together. This could lead to bigger things if you don't know how to control your temper and he doesn't know how to control his jealousy issues. Maybe you need a break. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that ur meant to be together. Maybe it's not meant to be (sorry). It doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship.

If all you do is fight all the time you guys are not meant for each other. Now it has gone from verbal to physical, and it will not get any better. I think you should end the relationship, but if you love him the way you say and want to try and salvage it, you have got to seek counciling. You are playing with fire here do something before he hurts you bad.

No man should EVER raise a hand at a woman. Get away from him. It's that simple. Jesus, why do so many women fall for complete douchebags?

Neither one of you is mature enough to be in a relationship with anyone. Break up and start working on yourself.

BASICALLY. You need to break up, you clearly cant get along with eachother and your fights are going to get more and more violent. Get out before its to late sister.

You're both wrong and need to treat eachother in love. If you can't be kind and loving to eachother, than a serious break up is in order.
By the way, it takes 3 months of absolutely NO CONTACT FOR IT TO WORK.
BE STRONG.

tbh, this is your fault as well as hes, theres no point in being in a relationship that sucks as bad as that, if you fight, argue ect... then whats the point?

Before I even read the comments, let me say that you sound like you initiate most of the physical contact - avoid that, learn to control your temper a little more or you may one day find out where putting your hands on a man can get you

I do not approve of any abuse

You guys need to stop the violence, it is not good

Seriously, if I could re-live my life, I would have woken up sooner than later. I was in the exact same situation, although it happened later in my life. I was the first to get physical with a slap, and after a while I got arrested. He got physical with me too that night, but nothing too intense. Anyway, after that we tried to work it out, and then I got him arrested because he tried to confine me. Honestly tho, it was just like you said, I felt it could work. We'd fight like cat and dog over issues he brought up, such as his jealousy about my male friends who were just friends. We were also engaged. I loved this guy, but after he became very delusional and jealous and manipulative which drove me to just lash out and hit him. I felt like he'd blame me and what he blamed me for was never true. He wanted me to live just for him it seemed and talk/look at no one else. I know now I should have left the first time I saw he was delusional and when he blamed me for being a way I wasn't. God it was hell...I went mental because I tried so hard to please him, but nothing worked!!! I also tried to stand my ground and be firm in the beginning when I noticed his controling behaviour and say I was going to keep my friends. the fact that I said that made him feel I cared about them more than him, which was crap. I cared about everyone, just differently. Everyone knows you have love for your fiance, and then a different love for your friends. It wasn't even like i went out with these guys by myself. We would all go out in a group, but still he thought I'd talk too much to them or be too excited about this or that. It was ludicrous. near the end of our rel'p I realized I could have put him on a higher pedestal around my male friends, b/c I knew he was insecure about it, I could have made him feel more secure by just sticking by him and not really talking to my friends, but still taht seems retarded. UGH! Also, in the beginning I was so against him even thinking I'd fool around with my male friends it really ticked me off he believed that so I'd shut him out when he brought it up, and i found out this pissed him off even more. I never experienced such jealousy in any of my other rel'ps, so I knew this wasn't healthy.

not. healthy.
this is an abusive relationship, and its both of yall fault. neither of you is good for the other, obviously. you should just break up and find someone you get along with. i know you dont want to spend the rest of your life fighting.

You need to get away from this guy. And it is possible that when you try he's not going to let you and if that happens you need to get a restraining order. THIS IS GOING NOWHERE FAST.

Women who stick to abusive partners are severely lacking in confidence, self-esteem and pride. They are also overly reliant on their partners and will continue to be with them no matter what they do. Congrats, unless you "man" up, you're going to be stuck with that douchebag for the rest of your life. If you so wish to start your journey to recovery, I suggest we discuss it over dinner. You're paying.

If you both 'love' eachother and still try to hurt eachother, than you either both have really unhealthy ideas about love or you don't actually love him/he you. please break up for good and get yourself some counseling.
the next time you could wind up dead.

It's not self defense. If a girl hits you, comes at you with anything but a weapon you WALK AWAY. I hate it how guys give lip service to the notion that violence towards women is wrong but always have some loophole figured out in their mind, "well, if she hits you, or does this or that...". YOU DON'T HIT WOMEN! Don't stay with this prick.

Ignore TheJNY. Seriously, don't even bother.

Listen, I went through an abusive relationship that started out EXACTLY in this way. It escalated to a regular pattern of sexual assault. Even if your situation were to never escalate the way mine did, it is statistically unlikely that the current pattern will cease. It is an unhealthy pattern which is much more likely to get worse, not better.

It is "normal" in the sense that, yes, it happens to a lot of women. It is not ok. Please, LEAVE NOW!

This is your fault for being with him in the first place.
You're stupid for not assessing his personality and what he's truly capable of before engaging in a relationship with this nigga.
If you have gotten the shit beat out of you already, or if it's bound to happen, just remember that every decision has a consequence.

With me, I could easily sense the aura of somebody else and that will distinguish their true personality that they are supressing.
You just need strong intuition and some understanding of human nature.

Is this normal? What the fuck do you think? These things happen all the time and you did something to trigger his behaviour.
Women obessively nag, whine and bitch about every little menial aspect about their partner and their lives that if, given the opportunity, I would clock the muthafuckin shit ouf of you faster than what Chris Brown did to Rihanna - ASAP.

Don't always try to pinpoint the man as the source of the problem because you females aren't innocent and unlike us, you are emotionally and physically weak.
So, of course, us dudes will just take primary advantage of that, and do whatever is in our power to make you suffer if you so happen to piss us off in ANY fashion.

Lastly, how can he love you when he's possibly had thoughts of hurting you already.
Seriously, you have a LOT of maturing and growing to do before you can realize the ramifications of your defiance towards your boyfriend.

If you can't work things out, then why are you with him? Why do you feel so strongly about love when you're having doubts about loving him in the first place? Why are you asking is this normal when you know DAMN WELL that it is?

But, anyway, you don't know what you want.
Just stick to barbie dolls and Hello Kitty, would you? Shit!

I think you two are just bored in your relationship and subconsciously you try to spice things up with violence. You mentioned you hang out almost everyday. That gets a bit mundane. Like Tomodikai said, this doesn't sound like a typical victim/abuser situation. Both of you instigate the physical fight. I have hit my boyfriends in the past (mostly when I was drunk) and it's not right. Just because he may be stronger than you, that doesn't make it okay (he isn't right for pushing you either). I think you should have more "you" time. Don't hang out all the time until you get sick of each other. Try talking more about your emotions to him, and let him vent to you.

GET AWAY FROM HIM! You are a gift from God and need to be cherished. Don't EVER be with someone who puts their hands on you.

This sounds like the beginning of an abusive relaationship, and its good to contemplate ditching him. But this dosen't sound like a victem/abuser situation, so you shouldent make it sound like it is.

forget all the crap evreyone else says. its simple. young siblings fight in the same way, and their parents will correct them. you two have no parents to mediate when this happens. go to a relationship counselor.

You're obviously not normal if you use "gravy" as an adjective.

End it now! Things will never get better only worse.Everyone has fights even over little things. Physical violence isn't normal or healthy. He's grabbing your throat and hitting your head against something.Honey your going to get your self badly hurt or killed. Please do yourself a favor and get out. Good luck

i think its already an abusive relationship. & he knows that you guys are gonna get back together, thats why it continues. if he lives with you, and you dont wanna be with him, move out or kick him out, and if it gets abusive again, then call the police. If you still can't get over the situation show him that your willing to end it if he doesn't stop.
If he doesnt feel threatened he's not good enough for you anyway,he probaly thinks of you as his property anyway and your not.(:

are u fucking retarded?!? why would someone beating u up and yelling at u be ok and someone to be with thats awful and sick...get the fuk away from him before u end up in the hospital. my ex friend and her bf would fight so much and then one day the cops came cuz he pushed her against the wall and they were together and apart all the time then the police finally said to get a restraining order and still he waited in her driveway and would jump outa the bushes and pull her outa the car and so on and she still hangs out with him.. if u keep breaking up over and over its obviously not working and fighting ontop of it ya that sounds like a great relationship why the f would u wanna be with someone like that when u could be happy with someone else.. man ppl piss me off GROW UP and get out ull feel way better!!!!

Get rid of him; he is very abusive to you. Although I get mad a my girlfriend a lot and yell at her, I NEVER hurt her. I could easily choke her if I wanted to, but it the guy who have to protect the girl not hurt her!

You definetley need a break. For sure! It`s bad enough that YOU hit him. But HE hit you back! Men are not supposed to abuse a womenlike that, and women probably should not abuse men like that, either. If you always hitting and fighting, maybe you shouldn`t be together, at least not so often.

BTW, notice you haven't posted since November. Hope you're ok.

I think it's awesome that you got some great advice from guys who found themselves in the flip side of what you're experiencing. Listen to them. Get away, maybe when you are both older and have learned more about people and relationships and yourself, you could end up together still, or you could end up friends, or you could end up using this to have an incredible relationship with someone else. Love him, AND Leave him.

I have been married for 18 years and have NEVER had anything like that happened to me with my husband. You dont say how old you two are but it's obvious you are not mature enough for a relationship much less a marriage. If you do decide to stay together what will you tell yourself one day when you lay dying at the bottom of the steps..oh he really did love me...dont think so! kind of like Dr. Phil says Hows this relationship working for ya?

Hi, Very interesting story.
Im afraid you have to get out, there is no choice for you or him. I feel sorry for both you and him, the heartache will be great but trust me its important to go.
Im a 42 yr old male and aged 22 i was in a realationship for about a year and the abuse started, I drank a lot and had violent tendancies. I hit her on at least 3 occasions each time overcome with guilt but needing to control at the same time. It has taken me years to control my demons. I still love her, when she went last time I never saw her again!
But it was best that we split. I hope this helps.

I agree run like hell! Get away from this realtionship and focus on yourself and build your confidence IF you cared about yourself you wouldnt let some treat you like shit

Run.

Run for office.
Run for the boarder.
Run silent, run deep.
Run like the wind.

Run.

Fighting is one thing, a guy putting his Hands on you? Another entirely.

It sets a precident.

NEXT time it will be even easier for him to hit/slap/throttle you, as he has done it before.

The time after that? Even easier.

And so on.

Tobra

Erm ... honestly, that is about as abusive as Mum making me pancakes for breakfast.

You should stop fighting so much (shock shock) ... I just read YingYang's post as well and I must say I absolutely agree with mostly everything he said.
You started hitting him and obviously, it isn't most guy's idea of a romantic evening/picnic/whatever you're doing. In fact, you would be silly to expect he'll just sit there and let you crush his face.

I've seen abusive relationships. This sounds like a child's game. It might be you aren't yet ready for a serious relationship and, erm, you definitely need to learn to control yourself. You could always damage his car instead, though I reckon that could be much, much worse lol. :D

If you love each other, you should try and make it work but in the end, if he will not be able to get over his jealousy and you won't be able to control yourself, it won't matter.
How you have a lovely bunch of guy friends doesn't exactly help but really, I'm sure you could talk about it calmly and explain. He will understand, and if he won't, then he isn't worth your time.
Easy as a cake. x

OMG! You're freakin drop dead gorgeous! How can you let any guy treat you like that? I think he doesnt really know how lucky he is to have a girl as beautiful as you. Seriously, I'm jealous.

I don't hit women, but I don't understand how a woman can hit a man and expect not to get hit back? As I said before I would never hit a woman because I wouldn't want a woman to hit me. Although if a woman punch me square in the jaw, then she must crazy to think that I am not going to tear off in that ass. Sorry got sidetracked, but get out of the relationship, because it obvious that you two are not in love. People who are in love wouldn't get into fights over something so stupid.

Once It gets physical It's over in my books, It's the point of no return! No matter how much you love each other you just have to let go before it gets A LOT worse. Judging by your photo your really gorgeous and I'm sure intelligent so you will have no problems finding someone who will treat you heaps better and the way you deserve...peace!

You seem to both have the same volatile personality, which is the reason why your fights are unusually escalated. Basically you met someone who's exactly like you. After a while, the yelling wasn't doing it for you so you decided to take your fights to the next level and make it physical.

I don't care if you guys fight real loud, but the physical hitting has to stop. You should have a sit down with him and work out a plan so that when you guys feel like physically hurting each other, you can take a time out and stop. I say this because if you somehow get hurt because he used too much force or in the heat of the argument he swung at you and you got hurt really badly, the consequences for a man wifebeating a girl is far worse than a woman hitting a man. Because you like to get back together with him, by the time he's arrested and put in jail you'll be crying saying you love him, and everyone will look at you like the deranged gf who loves her man even though he abuses her, and they won't take you seriously.

But to answer your question (finally), I wouldn't call this the traditional abusive relationship where one person person hits the other without the other person being able to fight back. It seems like you are abusing each other, so while it's an "abusive relationship," it's not how the term is usually used.

Yeah, seriously though, unless you're waiting for an accident to happen, stop hitting each other. You could seriously hurt him or he you and then it's jail. Can't avoid it either when you go to the hospital and a nurse suspects and calls authorities.

Was this written by a guy?
Im kidding, ok yes your relationship is becoming abusive obviously you have already talked about violent physical actions. A lot of times two people will fall in love without realizing they dont get along and I think this is part of your problem. If you are in love with someone but time after time find your self pissed off mad at them on a daily basis then something is just not right and anytime any physical contact results from these fights then you both need to forget about it because it will only get worse has time goes on.

You sound young so move on while you still can and dont get to envolved.

how do you NOT know if its an abusive relationship?!

hes laying his hands on you, your laying your hands on him. its over the line.

break up, seriously.
i was in a relationship like this for two years, and you know where it got me...

NO FUCKING WHERE.

HOLD THE FUCK UP!
okay yes that is the begining of a abusive relationship..
if i were you get the fuck out.. cause obviously he does NOT love you if he puts his hands on you like that..
if he did that to me fuck, id slice his cock off while he was sleeping.
naw dude fuckin leave that scum behind
i promise you someone else is out there that would never treat you like that..
cause the more you break up and get back together like that he think he OWNS you, he thinks you'll never leave him..
then one day hes gonna beat you like a pulp.then your fuckin stuck.

If he knows he can get away with shoving you into a wall and shoving you so that your head hits the car window, he knows he could probably go farther than that and you would run right back to him. I suggest you brake it off with him, he needs to grow up, big time.

You should get out of the realationship now its not safe and you wouldnt wanna have kids and bring them around that kinda voilence get out of the relationship now before its to late and stay with a relative or close friend remember any guy who puts his hands on a woman iis a coward