Is this normal boyfriend behaviour?

23% Normal
8 Comments

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for over a year now and it's great; I really love him. There's just one thing that I've been thinking about and wondering; is that normal?

I'd be too embarrassed to discuss this with my friends, so here I go. He gets off on embarrassing me. He gets excited when I'm hurt and offended over some things he says to me, he will always bring up embarrassing things about me in front of his friends, pees on me to get a reaction, tells me to masturbate in restaurants in hopes I'll get caught. I cant think of any other examples but there are lots of them.

I'm not really complaining. Sometimes I think it's a turn on, sometimes it just leaves me feeling sad. Has anyone else experienced this? I've never had a boyfriend like this.

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 13 votes (3 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    I may or not be normal. Are you guys young and are you his first sexual relationship? Does he respect you otherwise or if you say no, does he respect your boundaries. He may just be immature and is testing the limits to see what you are willing to put up with.

    He also may be a creep who likes sadistic things or he may just be sexually freaky, but there isnt enough info to say.

    Saying he likes to see you hurt is probably the biggest red flag. How does he behave otherwise?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      He's twenty five, a few years older than me and I know he's had a couple of girlfriends before me.

      You're right, he definitely likes sadistic things, but I'm not sure if it's dangerous and stepping over boundaries. If I'm visually uncomfortable, he finds it exciting and I feel like it won't make a difference if I give out to him or tell him to stop, because that would only excite him more, if that makes sense.

      Otherwise, he's really intelligent, charming and popular - controlling, but I don't mind that so much. A super loyal boyfriend who does show me a lot of affection, besides all of that.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -1
      -1
        -
      • nikkiclaire
        6 years ago

        Well from those details I'd be very careful and seriously think about leaving him. From your initial description I pegged him to be between 16 and 20 and in a first relationship. Given that he is 25 I would seriously question staying and I bet if you asked his exes, they'd be able to open your eyes.

        Stay safe and sorry for the negative outlook, but the word controlling sends me packing. Nothing good ever comes from trying to control someone else. Without exception.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Leave this guy. He will only get worse.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    That's not normal at all. I have trouble understanding how you can love someone, yet enjoy them being embarrassed. If you aren't okay with this, don't hesitate to leave him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • CDmale4fem
    6 years ago

    At some point I be willing to bet he will go from embarrassing you to down right hurting your feelings as in like cutting to the bone deep. It seems he's even more twisted than I am, and I'm a guy that wears bras and lingerie. He seems to really enjoy hurting you or just as you said embarrassing you in public. That's pretty F'n rude and shitty it seems to me.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    A normal 25 year-old guy doesn't show his affection by embarrassing, hurting and offending his girlfriend.

    On its own, his controlling trait is a red flag. You also say he's "intelligent, charming and popular", and you imply he's turned on by risk-taking. All those are characteristics of a psychopath.

    Toss in a wide sadistic streak, and you've got a real prize.

    You say he shows you a lot of affection. The truly fucked up thing about psychopaths is that they know how to manipulate people; they know what to say and how to behave to keep a partner hanging around long enough to slowly get sucked down the rabbit hole into a totally manipulative and really abusive relationship.

    Even if he's at the more benign end of the psychopathy scale, it appears he has little respect for you. And I have to wonder why you're too embarrassed to talk about all this with your friends. Do you realize at some level that he's messed up and your affection for him is misplaced? Or has he been subtly attempting to separate you from your closest friends? That's another thing psychopaths do.

    I think you need to step back and take a long, hard look at his behavior and your relationship. I think you should also get over your embarrassment and talk to your friends about what's going on.

    https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/psychopath/20-signs-you-re-with-a-psychopath-or-you-are-a-psychopath/

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    Good god , after reading i can see why you won't discuss this. This guy is a fucking fruit cake. Break up as soon as possible and if needed get a legal restraining order and buy a gun. Buy the gun first.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0