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My boyfriend always calls himself a fuck up, ugly, or stupid everytime im sad or mad, or everytime we get into an argument ... Why does he do that? (Please comment) & Please vote if its normal or not.
I'd put it down to either low self esteem. I know if someone else around me feels shitty, I tend to want to blame myself, it's just the internal working model I have grown up with. But I know these thoughts are wrong - therapy has helped me recognise that, and learn how to address it.
Other option is, unfortunately, manipulation. By this I mean, intentionally saying those things to upset you. I would think this is less likely than the first option, but it can and does happen.
Manipulation is the first thing I thought of as well. He wants you to feel sorry for being so angry at him. It's a form of guilt trip.
He is weak, weak, weak. He can't muster the confidence to face his problems head-on, so he just crumples up into a paper ball and just allows everything to defeat him. That way, he never has to risk failure. A person like this can never be successful in life.
False self deprecation is manipulation, but I wouldn't say it's weak at all, because it's not real in the first place. Those who use it don't lack confidence in the slightest, infact quite the contrary.
They can be successful in life compared to the many con artists that are "A grade-narcs" by nature and as such unable to humble themselves with real conviction, coming off wooden and shallow.
A person that is able to use a show of pseudo-weakness to gain power is a good con man. Most people don't have that line of reasoning in their heads in the first place, so it's an advantage over many in the world.
The only time it's funny is when you see two con men or narcs in the same place, they recognise each other almost telepathically and become strange and hostile. It's like they haven't figured out how to deal with their own kind yet lol.
It sounds like he has low self esteem. You should talk to him about it and try to figure out exactly what caused him to have it.
run...he's trying to turn things around while your fighting. Very self involved...all about me...also...who wants someone that's such a PUSSY. RUN NOW!!!
because he thinks you'll leave him so he puts him self down to try and cheer you up.
Just be glad he's not blaming it all on you!!! Could be worse . I hate guys who never apologize or never say something is their fault, and people don't change.
He may be unconsciously punishing you by hurting himself for fighting with him. Look into books on communication and how to brainstorm instead of fighting. If you do it together you may have a healthier happier relationship