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Hi there (:
I'm a guy from the Netherlands, and i'm almost 19 years old.
Is it normal that I never had anything with anyone?
I've never had a good friend, only 'one-day-friends', never kissed a girl and never had sex.
Is this normal? If not, how can people like me?
Do i have to change who I am? How do i do this?
[sorry for my bad english.]
That' s how my life was. Only I'm a girl. I have Asperger's too but, I wouldn't say that it's abnormal. Everyone's different and everyone grows and developes differently. Some people are late bloomers some people don't have many friends some don't make friends until later in life. I've always had friends come and go myself. Don't think of it as a bad thing. I guess it's out of the ordinary, but there's nothing wrong with it.
And how did you manage for yourself to 'change'?
Maybe it can be useful?
I never really changed. My life kind of just changed. I'm still the same person I've always been. Sometimes things just happen in life. For example, I got my first kiss at age 19. It wasn't by a boyfriend or anything. I just happened to make it into a musical (that I didn't even expect to make it into btw) and some guy asked me on a date. I haven't seen him since but, sometimes, things just happen in life. Not everyone has lots of friends. Not everyone get there first kiss as teens. Infact, if you go through this site, you will find that there are several people, older than you even, that still haven't had their first kiss. I just started hanging out with a group of people that I would consider friends. Throughout my life, I've never really had people I consider friends but, again, sometimes things just happen. Go with the flow. Don't sweat it!
Thanks everybody for your advices!
So hapoy that there are people who understand my situation.
Tou are aaesome (:
Dear Babobe:
You said: "I've never had a good friend, only 'one-day-friends', never kissed a girl and never had sex."
You asked: "Is this normal? If not, how can people like me? Do I have to change who I am? How do I do this?"
In my opinion, your situation is not normal. What does 'normal' mean anyway? We're all very different people, but we use the word 'normal' to explain the parts of our lives that are similar and overlap.
The only part of your "teenage trial" that I would suggest trying to change is how you interact with other people. I know it isn't extremely uncommon for a person to not have many friends if they are shy or not well-liked, but I don't believe this is healthy. You don't NEED good friends if you can manage on your own, but I strongly suggest trying to build good relationships. Being socially involved with other people is healthy for your mind and emotions. If you don't have friends, you need to be note outgoing and social. Find a hobby and share your interests with other people. Remember that not everyone is a nice person, but try to give everyone a chance. There are lots of people out there who would love to be your friend.
As for kissing and sex, just wait for the right time. Don't give in to the feeling that you must kiss girls and have sex in order to be "cool" or "normal". Save your first kiss for someone who truly means a lot to you, whenever you find such relationship. Ideally, you should wait to have sex until it will be with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but this doesn't always work. Just be yourself and try to make the right decisions.
Good luck and best wishes,
Always2ambivalent
All i will say is just be yourself.
Sorry but that is the best advice i can give.
I had a friend who spun a web of lies trying to be someone who he is not.
Soon he didn't know what was true and what was a lie and he couldn't keep track of them.
Thanks for your comment!
I dunno, i'm just a bit shy i guess.
Oh, and that autism does sound familiar, i have Asperger. (however everyone that knows i have autism, they don't see me as a ordinary autism guy)
Not kissing a girl is not that unusual at 19. Certainly not having had sex. But not being able to make a single friend may mean you're socially stunted or even mildly autistic. If you're not of this culture, that may be a contributing factor.