Is there hope of getting back together?

14 Comments

I was seeing a guy for a couple of weeks. We met on a dating app and really hit it off. We texted every day for a week, getting to know each other, then we had our first date that weekend and it was awesome. He said I was beautiful, was openly affectionate with me in front of his friends, and we cuddled and had sex.

We got to know more and more about each other over the next week, but suddenly he tells me he's not ready for a serious relationship. He says it's stressful because of other stuff going on in his life (work, getting back in school, trying to move away from his nosy family). He made it very clear he didn't want to hurt me. He also thought I seemed nervous around him, but I explained to him I wasn't anymore (I struggle with social anxiety so maybe I seemed that way). I think he believed me, but that wasn't the main reason for wanting to put it off, and I totally understand he wants to get his life together. He said he still thinks I'm an awesome person and we can remain friends. I asked if there's a chance we'll start going out again in the future and his answer was "yeah maybe :)"

We haven't talked a lot since then, but we're still Facebook friends and still see each other's Snapchat posts. I appreciate his honesty, and since he was honest about how he felt, I doubt he'd lie about wanting to remain friends and/or possibly resume the relationship later. I've been sad, but it's not his fault, I just miss him so bloody much! I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Can I stay optimistic about this? Do you think there's hope? Any advice is appreciated, and sorry if this is long :)

Absolutely	7
No	11
Not sure	8

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Comments ( 14 )

derpyderp

8 years ago

You've known this guy two weeks?
You had sex & only afterwards does he tell you that he's not looking for a relationship...

Seems simple enough but that's only a skeptic looking at very limited information.

One thing. Don't WAIT for him.
If he is the right guy you's will make it work but only if you BOTH want to.
If he wants to you'll find out & then you can focus your attention on him.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Thanks for the comment...to me it doesn't matter that we've known each other for a short time, because we got to know so much about each other. He's the sweetest guy ever, like impossibly nice. I started using the dating app to get my mind off a long distance friend whom I was in love with for two years, since a mutual friend told me not to wait around forever. But when I got to know this guy, it was no longer about that. I genuinely liked him and he treated me good. I'm trying to keep my options open, but I still miss him.
  
  Yeah, all I can do is sit back and let fate do its job. I just don't want him to forget about me...but I know if he really cares he won't.
  
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  - derpyderp
    
    8 years ago
    
    I can proper understand getting to know someone ridiculously well in a short amount of time.
    
    You summed it up perfectly.
    If he is right for you - & wants things as much as you do - then he'll make himself romantically available to you at the first opportunity.
    
    Good luck
    
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Dazed_dreamer

8 years ago

He's not worth it fullstop.

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Anonymous Post Author

8 years ago

Update: he deleted me from his Facebook (or deleted his acct, could be either, he doesn't like FB much). So I won't try to contact him again. I wasn't going overboard anyway, it's been a month since I texted him. I liked a few of his FB posts but not all.

I was at the mall 2 days ago and talked to his friend that works there (the one he was extremely affectionate towards me in front of). I asked if he'd talked to him lately, and apparently they're not that close anymore and have only chatted thru online gaming once or twice in the past month. He said he'd tell him hi for me if he talked to him again, but I doubt he told him this soon. So that couldn't have been why he deleted me. For some reason I can't stop mulling over my convo with mall guy and hoping I didn't sound too desperate (I don't think I did), and thinking about what he could have said if he told him. Idk why I'm thinking about this and now I'm confused.

Btw I wasn't looking for him at the mall, I just look around when I'm bored. I'll ask the other bloke if he talked to him sometime, just won't be real soon cause I don't want to seem like a creeper. Sorry if I'm not making sense.

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Docholiday

8 years ago

He is obviously putting everything in front of you so the (feelings ) are not mutual. I get it that it is extremely hard to find someone that you click with ; especially in the rat race world we live in today. Acceptance is hard ,but embrace it. Don't think less of yourself because someone won't slow down enough to share there life with you. After all that's what a relationship is two people sharing this thing we call life ...together

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Idk, he really showed interest in me, not just sexual but he was super sweet and cuddled the whole time in the movie theatre. And when he told me he wasn't ready for anything serious, it was right after our second date. I find it hard to believe he would lose interest that fast. Unless the cuddling and cute stuff was just foreplay? Idk...maybe I'm meant to be forever alone. I can still live a productive life.
  
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  - Docholiday
    
    8 years ago
    
    Maybe he needed to be cuddled and liked to put you on a pedistol for the moment. We all have voids and needs in our lives and you could have very well been simply filling a void in his . It's hard out there ;no matter your level on the food chain we all get played. In the last six years I have had two women that I thought might be a prospective partner. We dated (real dates ) ,had a great time all around ,but both turned out to be MARRIED. I was shocked and in disbelief as are you. I havnt been o. A date in over a year ;those in my circle are beginning to wonder I'm sure. It may have simply been a compatability issue. As we get older we do know what we want and need to be completely satisfied. He may still be in love with an ex and it's ez for him to cuddle and bond as if yall have been together . Look at tge whole picture don't just fall in love with a thought of .
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Wow, sorry to hear about your experiences. He only had one gf before and she was a nutcase. But yeah, maybe he needed to fill a void...I see your point.
      
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    - victorygin
      
      8 years ago
      
      I also think that's a really good point about filling a void. Maybe he just needed someone at the time, and he might have mistaken that for being more genuinely interested than he actually was...
      I don't know.
      
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thegypsysailor

8 years ago

Sounds like a kind brush off to me.
For whatever reason, this cat doesn't want to date you any more and I think he's made that quite plain.
Move on, he has.

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victorygin

8 years ago

It sounds like there's no chance, I hate to break it to you.
Don't put any stock in him saying "yeah, maybe" in the future. That's him being tactful, whilst keeping his options open. Based on his actions, I can almost guarantee a more truthful answer would've been "Pretty much no chance at all, but I want to end this amicably".
I honestly think there's no chance of a relationship and if he does call you up, it will just be for sex. So the best thing is obviously to move on asap.

Sorry to be blunt. That's just what I read.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Thanks for being honest. It's just hard because this is the best luck I've ever had with a romantic interest, ever. We were both impulsive getting into the relationship, but it was tempting because we hit it off so well. But now I know to take things slow next time, whether it be with him or someone else.
  
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  - victorygin
    
    8 years ago
    
    There'll definitely be other guys. And it always takes some time to get over things like this.
    I don't think you did anything wrong though. Yes, it's a process of fine tuning, but sometimes there's just no accounting for why it doesn't click for one person.
    So don't take it on yourself in any way. That's what I think any way.
    
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Is there hope of getting back together?