Is there hope for someone to learn social skills?

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16 Comments

I'm not sure if I can accurately gauge where I'm at, since the less experience someone has the more they inflate their capacity, but I'm definitely closer to no experience than well experienced with talking to people

I try to be mindful about things, like what I know does and doesn't work, but there are a lot of things I'm not sure on and there are literally times where I'm like "I have no idea how to proceed"

I'm usually very neutral and I like to lean towards the positive, but I'm starting to see signs that most people like negative aspects in certain doses, but that's pretty contrary to how I've been improving myself

Sometimes I feel like there's sooo much stuff to learn, it's overwhelming when I'm outlining the next few things to integrate

I came back to this site with hopes of practicing some more, I'm starting to think I'm just annoying people though

I really want to learn how to talk to people, does anyone have any advice or anything? I don't really wanna post my username, but I think most of you can figure it out

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86% Normal
Based on 7 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • LloydAsher
    3 years ago

    I was pretty shitty at social situations. Still am but I am slowly getting the hang of things. To the point where I can go through a water cooler conversations like a normal person.

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Admittedly, a lot of social skills comes from self-learning what works and what does not by interacting with people. You have to go out there and talk, do things, and interact with people; and you will fail most of the time initially. But you will learn.

    There are some good books that can help. While "How to Win friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is the old classic (and available in most languages on earth); I prefer the "in the digital age" modern format if you can get it. But the old classic still works.

    There are many other books that are perhaps more to the point:

    2 quick reads (more of a pamphlet than a book) are:

    "The Art of dealing with People", by Les Giblin
    "Skill with People", by Les Giblin

    I actually like to read both back to back as they complement each other.

    "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends", by Don Gabor.

    "Bringing out the Best in People", by Alan Low McGinnis

    That set of books will greatly increase how fast you master social skills. There are others; but, these are the ones I have found most effective in my mentoring.

    The person you will become is dependent on the people you associate with and the information you put into your brain (books, audios, videos, live conversations or events).

    I wish you the best in this...

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  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    Yes. There are social skills classes in some places but im not sure, sometimes you need to be able to qualify. You can also practice yourself by observing, reading about the topic etc or in cognitive behavioural therapy

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      I observe a lot, someone was told me I seem really self aware and didn't say it like a compliment

      I usually like tv shows that really portray character development and mentalities, like the office, parks and rec, the x files, grimm, bones; I know they're dumbed down but for example I've learned how to talk with my eyes as well

      I've also picked up on things that characters do to help build camaraderie. I practice at work with this girl and I think she knows what I'm doing and it seems to be getting better, I'm slowly joining in on like banter and stuff

      And yeah, I've done a lot of research into psychology and spirituality, that might be why I try not to be too negative, because I know just about everything I do and say can be analyzed and reveal things I don't want revealed

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      • ellnell
        3 years ago

        I relate a lot. I can only suggest you keep practicing at work, maybe practice some quick small talk with employees at stores and coffee shops and such too to make yourself more comfortable with it. It takes time but eventually you should get better it and well in cognitive behavioural therapy this is pretty much what they tell you to do - practice small talk with co-workers, friends, family members etc and try to be positive by identifying anxious/bad thoughts and replacing them with positive ones.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          3 years ago

          Do you ever feel like things aren't working, or like all the progress you made is worthless? I think I'm coming back out of it, like with the confidence I've been building, but like a few failures back to back take my edge off

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    3 years ago

    My social skills are still a little lacking and I'm 32. They've improved a lot after I practiced by going to places like the mall, library, or park and I just went up to random people and started chatting them up. Some of them became friends. Some of them I totally flopped on, but failure is part of life.

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    • nopurpose
      3 years ago

      You must have had good initial confidence. I tried to do something similar in high school. Put muself out there and try to make some friends. Or just some short human contact. Tbph it actually worked with 3 guys, along the dozens or hundreds who rejected and ridiculed me.. Since then I've closed in my shell and never tried to make a move on a new person ever more IRL. Maybe it comes smoother from a girl to approach strangers..

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        3 years ago

        I'd say keep trying with people. Rejection is something people can never escape. Once I realized that, it became easier to shrug it off and not feel embarrassed.

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        • nopurpose
          3 years ago

          It depends how much of rejection you've had and in what form did it come. You haven't been mob-bullied in puberty, I guess?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      I think part of my problem is not recognizing a lost cause and trying too hard

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        3 years ago

        Normally I'd be able to tell when the conversation dies.

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  • TheDustyMagician
    3 years ago

    As an introvert i cant help you much, Maybe I can help by saying cliche things like "just be yourself", "go with the flow" or "you are who you are" I dunno.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      You must not be a developed introvert if that's all you can say

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      • TheDustyMagician
        3 years ago

        What do you mean by "Developed"?
        I can speak with ppl when I need to.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          3 years ago

          I once read a hypothetical dialogue between two people, they were friends and one told the other they were cutting ties or whatever

          The one being forgotten started with something like "what do you mean, I don't have any problems, I'm good just the way I am, no need for improvement and I've never done anything wrong"

          The one forgetting said, "that's your problem, you've never gone through turmoil or solved any problems or done anything with your life and you've lived the same life for more than a decade"

          It was definitely more well written than this, but that's the basic idea of what I remember

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