Is the thought always better than the reality?

83% Normal
1 Comment

I love my husband, I love the sex we have and I would never want to cheat on him even if we never had sex again.

But our sex life leaves me feeling like fantasy is always better than reality. He tries hard and he is open to new ideas. He makes me feel loved and wanted and sexy.

But for some reason I crave the kind of sex that doesn't make you feel like that. My first time was with my high school boyfriend, we were together for a year and a half and I feel like I learned to have sex with him, but it was the wrong way. He was a very bad person. He made me feel like meat, like I was stupid and he called me fat, (which I wasn't).

He had this obsession with giving me multiple orgasms, I felt so much pressure to orgasm with him that I had to fake it, he never actually gave me a single one. I don't know how to stop craving demeaning sex and just enjoy the loving sex life I actually have.

I feel dishonest to my husband for fantasising about things that he would never and could never do to me.

I don't ever want to have sex in a demeaning way again, yet the thought of it is one of the best ways for me to become aroused. Is this normal?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 6 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 1 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "I don't ever want to have sex in a demeaning way again, yet the thought of it is one of the best ways for me to become aroused. "

    Perhaps you should consider that your relationship with your husband is clearly not the same as the one you had before.

    Meaning that, if you engage in role-play with him, it isn't really "demeaning" since, above all else you know he loves you and that you will be safe.

    That's the secret to healthy BDSM and role-play - knowing that you can trust your partner & that your partner will never hurt you in ways you don't want.

    Kinda like the "rough sex" scene in "A history of violence". Although she acted offended afterwards, it was clear that she really responded to it. Sometimes it's hard admitting when a little bit of roughness really arouses, but once you open yourself up to it - in a safe setting - it can be very liberating.

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