Is politeness and courtesy almost dead?

36 Comments

Seems like manners are almost extinct now. I was at the store today, I accidentally cut in front of this guy, he reminds me in a pissy tone that he was next, I told him sorry, and no response from him. After the clerk helped him, he walks by me and again I said in a very polite tone "I'm really sorry about that", and he just huffs by again not saying a word. Really now, does it take that much effort to say "that's ok" or "no problem" when I'm nice enough to apologize twice? Two simple little words was too much to ask from this guy, after apologizing twice after me making a tiny honest error of not seeing he was sitting down to the side waiting to be helped. It's not like I actually did anything that big a deal, shit. Check the box on how you find people in general to be these days, and please comment your thoughts on what I just shared.

Almost everyone's courteous 3
Most people now are rude 10
Some people are courteous, some are rude 23
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Comments ( 36 )
  • _Mehhhh_
    5 years ago

    I think social media has dumbed down peoples' social skills, but I don't think it's necessarily made them more rude, just more awkward.

    Some people are so damn ignorant and truculent though, I agree. Maybe I was raised "old fashioned", but to me basic shit like smiling, saying please, thank you and excuse me, holding doors open, not picking fights for no reason, this is the most natural basic shit. My Dad would be appalled, and by God would let me know he was embarrassed, if he saw me being indecorous in public.

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    • e51pegasi
      5 years ago

      Someone else that practices common courtesy, we must be a dying breed. People's manners last time I was in town were deplorable.
      Not everyone, just most.

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      • Boojum
        5 years ago

        It is possible to encounter courtesy and kindness in cities, but it does seem a lot less common.

        I forget the details, but I remember reading years ago about an experiment with rats where the researcher gradually added more and more rats to a cage.

        The rats always had enough food, water, and nesting material to be content, but at a certain point the behaviour of the rats changed, and they all became highly aggressive. We're not that different: if you see five people at the most every day, then it's easy to deal with them as fellow human beings, but if you encounter thousands of people every day, we tend to start to treat them as objects.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          Like a cashier job in a busy place, the cashier doesn't have time to take the time to "try and see" if the customer is a good person or not, so it's easier for them to just judge you superficially, well that's true for any kind of transaction which lasts for only a few minutes or less. A longer type of transaction, let's say if you're setting up a new bank account, or if it's some kind of orientation to sign up for social security, counseling session, whatever, they have more time to see what kind of person you may be. I realize that the cashiers, counslers, etc. are not there to see what kind of person you are, but people still do judge who they're meeting with in those situations and anyone that says they don't are lying or they are wrong. I've noticed on several occasions how much nicer people are during longer transactions, like when I applied for social security, the woman was very short and humorless at first, but due to my nice good humored nature, I got her laughing, at one point I got her laughing so hard that she told me I made her day. But that was a good 20 minutes or more into the session, she was abrupt and humorless at first. It takes more than a few minutes for someone to be able to see an idea of what you're like, and if the transaction only takes a couple minutes or less, they don't see anything but your superficial qualities and will often judge you superficially, it's easier that way for them, and most of them do it unwittingly, it's not deliberate. But people do judge the person they're with no matter what they're seeing them about.

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          • Boojum
            5 years ago

            All valid points.

            I was thinking about this post while out today. It's the start of a three-day weekend in the UK, and there are a fair number of people on the road. I didn't notice any obnoxious driving, but we do live in South Wales, and the population density isn't that high here.

            We stopped at a fairly busy motorway service area for fuel, sandwiches, and a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. While the cashiers clearly weren't being stretched, they were being kept busy. So, three cashiers, and all of them smiled and were perfectly courteous and friendly. (Lots of "thank yous" - we Brits can be a bit daft when it comes to tossing "thank you" and "sorry!" around for no real reason.)

            And their friendliness didn't come across as the classic, totally fake, "Have a nice day!" American service industry courtesy. I'm not saying the cashiers would have invited me home to meet the family and have dinner if I suggested it, but they looked me in the eye, smiled and added a little bit of verbal social lubrication to the interaction.

            I do make a habit of looking cashiers in the eye, smiling, and saying hello when I come up to their till, so maybe that makes some difference.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              5 years ago

              I've been to Wales in the UK, some of the nicest laid back attitudes I've ever seen. I stayed at a bed and breakfast there, and they really went above and beyond, made me feel like I was one of the family. Good breakfast too.
              But what I've been talking about is here in America, people can be very rude here now, very superficial attitudes a lot of the time and many people will judge you unless you're with them for more than a few minutes, they just don't have time not to judge you otherwise. It's the ol "I'm only seeing them for a couple of minutes so fuck them" mentality. It's that way in London too. Wales folks probably still are a little more old fashioned where they actually view people as someone who matters, even if they don't know them.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          That's very true. There's not enough time anymore to stop and considered everyone's feelings when you're seeing more people all the time.

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  • requestdatastream
    5 years ago

    You should have punched him in the face repeatedly until he accepted your apology. Not okay to leave someone hanging like that.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      As much as I wanted to punch him, I didn't want to give that guy an excuse to get even more pissy and stupid with me than he was already being.

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      • Boojum
        5 years ago

        If you seriously considered assaulting the guy over something as absurdly trivial as him not believing you when you said you made a mistake, then I'd suggest you take a long, hard look at how you deal with people.

        Maybe you have as many problems letting trivial stuff slide as the other guy?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          I would have never actually punched him. It just angers me when two simple words, "that's ok", are too tall of an order when he sees me making an attempt to apologize twice.

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  • nikkiclaire
    5 years ago

    We all have shit days, maybe he wasn't in the best of moods. I think you were impolite for cutting in line and then demanding he respect you, not once, but twice.

    I run into people like you all the time. You take too much time, linger about in doorways, chat with people at the condiment counter at starbucks and generally are just oblivious to others. Then you wonder why people are rude.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I almost cut in line accidentally, and then backed out immediately when he said something, and he was sitting on the side, he wasn't standing in line. And I apologized nicely. If you were there, you would have seen how he was the one being a prick.

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  • Whatintarnation
    5 years ago

    World is full of assholes. Occasionally you'll bump in to one.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      It's more than occasionally with me.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        5 years ago

        Why the minus point? I really do get rudeness more than just occasionally.

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        • Whatintarnation
          5 years ago

          Wasn't me. You're back to zero now

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            5 years ago

            I'm sure it wasn't you. Thanks for the point

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  • lordofopinions
    5 years ago

    What pissed me off is when I hold the door for someone and they walk past without a thank you. I yell out YOU'RE WELCOME!

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  • Shackleford96
    5 years ago

    Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

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  • Zandonus
    5 years ago

    The more of us together, the worse we become, corporate skyscrapers are figuratively cancer.

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  • Yobrepaid
    5 years ago

    What the fuck are you asking me for???!!! /jk

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    It makes a big difference where you live, so I voted, some are courteous, some are rude.

    Imo, it's best to just apologize to rude people first, and then ignore them. Don't let them get to you.

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  • Hateful1
    5 years ago

    I let people such as women (without the company of a man), elderly, and children go ahead of me in line. When I do this most look at me as if I just pissed myself. They don't understand why I would do anything like that.

    I just understand that a society runs smoother if it is based on manners.

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    • [Old Memory]
      5 years ago

      I asked an old guy in a walker if he needed a hand going up a few steps, he looked at me like I was going to mug him.

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    • Alichael
      5 years ago

      A lot of people don't realize that sadly, and worse of all, some people get their kicks being rude, or they're just mad at the world and they're just lashing out. Also, some people jump to conclusions that when you try to be nice, that you've got some kind of underlying motive. And some people when they're being nice, they do. But the thing is that many people will quickly jump to the conclusion that someone's kindness is attached to an underlying motive even when with that person they're kindness is genuine.

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  • Mehereok1
    5 years ago

    People are just selfish assholes anymore. Stuck on their phones, don't pay attention to the world around them, and get annoyed when their private little world is even temporarily interrupted. What happens is, we try to be nice and mannerly, get tired of no response or even rudeness in return, give up, and join their selfish, lack of manners mentality..It's a cycle.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      That's a good answer.

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      • Mehereok1
        5 years ago

        Thanks. I think it's so, and too, true. Even the nice people turn into assholes after awhile, b/c it's what they've experienced in response to trying to be nice.

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  • PSYCHOTICTURNBUCKLES
    5 years ago

    Fucktards

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    • Alichael
      5 years ago

      Yes, some people are fucktard asshats.

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  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    Hold on: are you saying you accidentally cut in front of the guy in a line, and when he pointed this out, you apologised, but didn't let him go before you?

    If that's what happened, your apology carried about as much weight as those of people who "apologise" for causing offence, when what they should be doing is apologising for being dickheads by nature and promising that they'll take a long look at themselves and try to do better in future.

    If you were already in the middle of being served when your mistake was pointed out, then that's different, and the guy's reaction is possibly unreasonable. However, I'm sure he experiences just as much rudeness in his life as you do in yours, and sometimes that results in people having a very jaded view of humanity (just as you apparently do). So it's understandable how he might take your apology as less than genuine and refuse to accept you made an honest mistake.

    Maybe he was just having a bad day, or maybe you were the fifth person in a row he'd encountered who had done something impolite, and he was just fed up.

    I was looking for a place to park yesterday and was about to drive into a space, when a boy-racer asshat driving a car that he obviously lavishes attention on zipped around the corner and took the space. I'm normally a very calm guy, but after I eventually found a space, I walked back to where he'd parked with the sharpest key on my key-ring between my knuckles. There were a lot of people wandering around the area when I found his car, so I didn't actually do anything, but his pretty little car very nearly got a deep gouge from rear light cluster to the headlights. Afterwards, I was happy I didn't do it, but at the time...

    Sometimes, lots of little things accumulate and push us over the edge.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I DID let him go before me. My second apology was after the clerk already helped him, and I hadn't been helped yet.

      Your last 3 paragraphs did make a lot of sense though.

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      • Boojum
        5 years ago

        Sorry for my confusion. If you let him go ahead after he pointed out your mistake and you apologised more than once but he just ignored you, then, yeah, the guy is most definitely a dick.

        Who knows? Another possibility is that he's the sort of dick who (consciously or unconsciously) sets up situations where he can feel aggrieved - in this case, by positioning himself so it wasn't immediately obvious he was waiting. That's the entitled, whiny, drama-queen strain of Homo dickus.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          Yes that's what he was. It's ok about the confusion, don't worry about that.

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