Is my way of thinking and feeling normal?

80% Normal
14 Comments

Hey all,

I am a 27 year old man, and I really don't know what my deal is. For as long as I can remember I have done everything just because I know it is the right thing to do.

Most of the time I play the role of the silent observer. I watch. I listen. I learn. But I never really connect. I don't care about things that most people care about. I don't enjoy things the way I feel normal people do. I do things because others enjoy them. I will never be the one to say, "Hey, let's do this.."

I feel like I do care about people I am close to; but at the same time I can go months without even thinking about them.

Half the time in my mind, I don't have a family. I don't have friends. But.. whenever any of them needs help, I am the first one to respond, even if I don't actually have any interest in helping.
I have given to other people whenever anyone asks, but I really don't give a shit. This makes them think I am super reliable and trustworthy, and so they always come to me in times of need which I do enjoy.
I have given so much some times that, I myself, have had to go without, but when I Think about it, I find no actual reason for doing what I did, other than someone else needs help, this is the right thing to do.. Yet, when I need it, I never ask for help, because I don't worry about anything. If I am broke, I am broke, I will get through it.

I am trying to explain the best I can, but... There really isn't any good way. I cry during sad parts in movies, I cheer for the good guys, i boo the villains; unless of course the movie makes you empathize with them villain like 90% of the movies that come out these days...

I love my girlfriend. I am there for her always. I love my mom.. but if I don't see them for a week, month, whatever... it doesn't really matter. We will just pick up where we left off. I don't care about when I am cheated on, stolen from, etc. even though I hate when I see someone cheating in someone else.

Help guys... I am wondering if this is a serious personality disorder, because I have never felt like the things I feel are normal, and it is really eating at me. I don't really care though... I am just curious if there is something I am missing and something I lose I could be feeling. If it wasn't so socially unacceptable I would probably be doing lots of drugs just to see what I feel...

I want to experience what it feels like to be someone else's normal. I want to stop acting like I care, and actually start feeling.

Any help is appreciated. Thanks a bunch.

Voting Results
80% Normal
Based on 20 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • Kevinevan
    6 years ago

    Dude you just described me perfectly but I'm 43 and have felt like this my whole life. I saw shrinks for decades or maybe 15 years or so and told them all about what you wrote. None of them said I was majority abnormal except for anxiety which I also suffer from.

    I was treated for depression but nothing worked so I doubt it's depression, at least I doubt I'm depressed unless their medications are really snake oil. I wouldn't doubt it if they were.

    Anyway have you ever thought maybe everyone feels this way but just can't admit it to themselves? I have but that thought is too scary for me to imagine for long. Best of luck.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Wow, I'm almost exactly the same way.

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  • drpepper19
    6 years ago

    you sound like Dexter Morgan

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    next time describe a problem.

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  • Blabla123
    6 years ago

    Yes its normal..its just your personality everyone is different..only thing that isnt normal here is that you are so worried about it..just calm down lol

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  • yjing
    6 years ago

    People are superficial! Have you thought about a vacation or going to leave abroad? Change people and stimuli completely? You look bored to me! Meet some New people see soms new places and peace to you. And learn to say NO! Is a power word. Try reading some books on hoe to set boundaries and meet new people who makes you feel good.

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    6 years ago

    Much of this is very relatable. Of course you can never know how much other people really "feel". I'd definetly go find out if you do have a depression (Can't hurt, right).
    I was feeling somewhat similar a few years ago and what changed for me was basically just being able to talk to someone about my feelings. I know that sounds banal ... But in being really honest with someone else I cought myself saying things I wasn't even aware of feeling before. I realised I kept my guard up all the time and never let anyone too close. I've had quite a few moments where I was honestly surprised at my own emotions.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is: You don't know yourself as well as you might think. You say you do things cause they are the right thing to do, but you don't really care. And it feels like an act.
    But maybe, just maybe: Not caring is the act. Maybe you've been telling yourself you don't care for so long that you believe it now. But I don't think you're a sociopath. I mean I'm not a psychologist (duh) but I don't think someone who doesen't actually care for others would step infront of a knife. You might be much more caring than you allow yourself to realise.

    But hey, that's just my experience. It's good you talk about this :)

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  • Kevinevan
    6 years ago

    Here two examples of things I recently did.

    I am broke so I bought a bag a chips for lunch at a dollar store which left me with $5. A coworker asked me what I was having and i showed him my chips. He said he couldn't eat them cause they were jalapeno. He then stated he was starving and broke. Guess what I have him my $5 and said go eat something. Even tho I was starving too.

    I also was down to two cigarettes and a different co worker ask if he could bum one. I gave him my second last cig even tho I really did need it.

    I didn't care about these people btw.

    Sorry if that's rambling. Just thought I'd share.

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    • Ellenna
      6 years ago

      Did you give the money and smokes away because you felt empathy for the other people, or because you wanted them to like you, or because you intellectually believed it was the right thing to do and how did you feel after you did it, if anything?

      I think your motivation is more important than your actions, if you get what I mean.

      You seem ok to me, if somewhat too introspective: maybe you just overthink everything? Have you tried to stop questioning yourself and just BE yourself?

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      • Kevinevan
        6 years ago

        I gave them because I knew I could handle being without even tho it would be painful. I don't know that that's empathy or not.

        Afterwards with no smokes and food I felt like an idiot.

        Unfortunately this is myself. I don't know how to behave any other way.

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  • nobodynose
    6 years ago

    coming from personal experience not medical knowledge, you might have minor depression. I was the same way, going about my day because that's what normal people do, not because I wanted to. emotionally disconnected/no passion/drive. turned out to be very minor depression so that is a possibility

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    • Kingtonberry13
      6 years ago

      So, you think I could actually feel again? If ever did in the first place? Everything just feels like an act to me.. I don't feel like I would care if someone murdered everyone I cared about, even though I would sacrifice myself for any one of them... I think that is the normal thing to do. Step in front of that knife for someone. But, if they die I don't really feel anything. (That is from personal experience. I have stepped in front of a knife and took it for someone else, even though I don't understand why I did it, other than that is the socially accepted thing to do.) But. If I wasn't there, and it had happened.. I would feign sadness, but go about my day just the same..

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      • nobodynose
        6 years ago

        the best advice would be to bring all of these thoughts and explanations to a professional, someone who is trained to help, and trust me it will help no matter how much you convince yourself it wont.

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      • redrainbow22
        6 years ago

        Maybe your just copying what you think is supposed to be socially acceptable, and acting it out.

        Not actually doing what you want to do yourself, and being yourself

        But what you think you're supposed to do.

        Let me tell you, you're not required to do ANYTHING you dont want to do. Its your life and YOU get to make the decisions :)

        Thats the great thing about being independent and being a leader

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