Is my relationship unhealthy?
I was recently shown a checklist listing warning signs for abuse in a relationship. These things were true of my boyfriend:
[x] Is abusive towards other people - criticizes his friends, points out their flaws. Calls his mother "stupid" and an "idiot" and tries to get me involved when he makes fun of her.
[x] Says he "needs me" and that he "couldn't live without me." And says that two people should be "mutually dependent" on one another, in an ideal situation.
[x] Has asked me many times if I cheated on him. Including once when my male friend stopped by for 20 minutes to get something from our house, and when I visited my parents for a week alone.
[x] Got serious very quickly - was talking about marriage very early (after only a few months) and asked me to move in very soon after. Asks me often if I still want to marry him. (I've told him it's too early and let's see. I feel pressured because he says if that's not what I want, I should tell him sooner rather than later. Presumably, so that he can move on. Result: I feel like if I express uncertainty he'll want to break up...)
[x] Isolates me from support systems. Wants to be with me 24/7, which turned off some of my friends initially. Criticizes my friends. Dissuades me from speaking on the phone with my mom and from visiting my family without him. Says my mom stresses me out a lot (she does) and grumbles when I stay on the phone with my parents.
[x] He comes on very strong, a great conversationalist but likes to argue and nitpick what I say. Also, so talkative/forceful that at parties I have become mute. He doesn't interrupt me, but picks apart what I say in front of others in a factual way that I find embarassing/exhausting.
[x] Made me promise not to masturbate. I agreed against my first impulse, but now think it was a weird request. (Thoughts?)
[x] Is skilled in martial arts and has told me stories of past violence: breaking a guy's legs for abusing his girlfriend, sometimes comments that he would "beat the crap out of" a bad guy he hears about on tv. Smashed his cell phone when I decided to go home for a few weeks alone. Once, slapped me when it seemed like I was having a panic attack and he thought it would "snap me out of it" (he said it worked on a friend having a manic episode).
| your relationship sounds unhealthy, but not abusive | 1 | |
| he sounds controlling | 9 | |
| he sounds abusive | 19 | |
| none of these things are necessarily signs of abuse | 1 | |
| these are complaints about personality/your relationship, & not more | 2 | |
| other (comments) | 1 |