Is my idea good

16 Comments

i am making a fan fiction and it is about a teenager named Alex who is on summer break but its not going very well because his mom is having anger problems and feeling depressed about Alex's dad leaving them to focus on his drug cartel he is running in Miami.meanwhile,Alex is just playing on his PS vita until he gets a life changing phone call from his dad.his dad called to say goodbye because a rival drug cartel is trying to takeover his own drug cartel and he might die in this little war. Alex didn't want his dad to die,so he planned to run away from home to Miami(Alex live in Tallahassee,Florida)but his dad also told him that somehow the rival drug cartel has somehow tapped into the phone lines and will try to kill him on the way because Alex would influence his dads gang to become stronger and beat the rival gang and save the drug cartel.so he brings the weapons his dad left behind(guns,knives,mace) and brings 3 friends that will help him on his journey (Lisa,dre,Kana and her pet chinchilla shinobu)Lisa came with Alex because she wanted to get away from her cocky and abusive family,Dre came because he thought Alex would need help knowing where he was going,and Kana came because she was just an adventurous girl.even though there parents will be looking for them,Alex promised to take the blame IF they get back alive (because the mafia might kill them)but trying to get from Tallahassee to Miami wont be easy,they would have to camp out in the woods,getting WiFi from places like McDonald's,avoiding police at all times,finding ways to make money,and to try not to get killed by the rival drug cartel.sorry if long should i change it up a bit or should i just keep it as it is.
PS:please don't steal my idea! by the way if you say i need to change it up a bit comment why.

its good	8
You need to change it up a bit (comment why)	9

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Comments ( 16 )

Couman

9 years ago

Well for one thing, before you write this, please learn how to break text into paragraphs.

Hmm... Actually this raises an interesting question. Do you post from a smartphone (or PS Vita perhaps)? I can see where paragraphs might seem less important on a small screen. But keep in mind others may be reading on different kind of device.

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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  i post on my computer, but yeah ill try practicing paragraphs
  
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seakelp

9 years ago

Grammar and line breaks, bud. You've definitely got the bare bones of a story there, but where a story shines is in its details. What's the overarching idea of this story? How do the character's stories relate to said idea? Is Lisa's family related to the drug war? I think that Dre and Kana could be fleshed out a bit more. Also, would this story focus more on the journey to Miami, or would it be more about the kids helping out Alex's father?

There's certainly nothing necessarily wrong with your idea, but you've got to fill out the specifics before anything else happens. If you were a sculptor, I would say that your post is a hunk of granite. There exists potential in your post, but you've got to bring it out.

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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  yeah i understand what you mean.by the way this would be my first fan fiction.
  
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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  i will answer your questions right now
  
  no Lisa's family is not related to the drug war
  
  this story will focus more on the journey to Miami and when they get to Miami it will be focusing on the teenagers helping out Alex's dad.
  
  and Kana and Dre are both childhood friends of Alex but dre doesn't really travel alot because he usually focuses on his studies and Kana is a adventurous girl who knows alot about Florida but after a truck accident her parents are very cautious of her. hope I've answered your questions!
  
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TheArBuilder

9 years ago

It's cool but a little unrealistic and sketchy. But the idea is pretty cool, but, make sure you don't make the journey boring. But that won't be a big problem :)

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CoraCook

9 years ago

You lost me at "teenager"

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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  well they are teenagers.i didn't want to make them to young.
  
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Pika-girl

9 years ago

(From an author to another) *sniff sniff* This is so beautiful!

What fandom is this from anyway? ...It's a FANfiction, right?

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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  oh sorry,i thought i had to call this a fan fiction if im writing something fictional,ill just call it a story. :)
  
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  - Pika-girl
    
    9 years ago
    
    Poke-person! Yay! Hehe, sure.
    
    I'm wondering to put my story in FanFiction, but I realized that it wasn't a fandom. It's actually a manga, though... Plus, I don't have an account... Meh.
    
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ihateallmyclothes

9 years ago

Is this by any chance about Alex Gaskarth and Lisa Ruocco since it's a fanfic? And if not, who is it about?

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- pokemonfan1
  
  9 years ago
  
  no i wasn't going to make a fanfic about them, HOWEVER it seems like a good idea! thanks! :)
  
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  - ihateallmyclothes
    
    9 years ago
    
    Go for it! I've never actually read a straight fanfic XD But I used to be obssessed with ATL and read tonnes of Jalex :)
    
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- ihateallmyclothes
  
  9 years ago
  
  Oh, just saw that other comment. Nvm
  
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pokemonfan1

9 years ago

sorry if it was long.by the way thanks for your feedback!ill change it up a bit.by the way this is my first fan fiction so i made this post to get some feedback and help me make it good.;)

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Is my idea good