Is my comic writing good?

5 Comments

so i recently finished my first writing for my comic and i would like to see what people would think of it

5:17 PM

June 1st 1986

Tallahassee ,Florida

Alex opens the door to his surburban home in a good mood, summer break just started for Alex and he would be going to 9th grade next year, for the first time ever in his life he is happy.But like always, there was his depressed mom on the couch,drinking her coffee in her robe.

"whats the matter now?''Alex says as he sits down next to mom.

''Are you still mad about dad leaving us?''

back when Alex was 10, his father left his mother to focus on his drug cartel in Miami and the last words he said before he driven away in his car was ''i'll be back soon'' 5 years from now on,he still hasn't returned.

''Don't worry mom,I'm sure dad is still thinking about you, even though he wont be returning anytime soon'' Alex said while hugging his mom.

When Alex said ''wont be returning any time soon'' it kinda got on his moms nerves.

'' Alex! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FATHER!'' Alex's mom shouted with a angry expression.

'' Well I'm sorry mom, i thought i would make you feel better!'' Alex said in a worried expression.

'' all i just said was that dad wont be returning anytime soo-'' Alex's mom suddenly slaps Alex across the face.

''GO TO YOUR ROOM ALEX!'' Alex goes to his room rubbing the slap mark on his face.

Meanwhile, Alex is in his room talking to himself while on his Nintendo entertainment system.

'' why does mom have to be so pissed at me all the time? i love her,but i wish she could just calm down about dad,all i just wanna do is make her happy.'' Alex said as he laid down on his bed.

Alex decides to just go to sleep,but suddenly out of knowhere,he gets a phone call but not just any phone call,it was from his DAD who rarely called him.Alex quickly answers his phone,

''HELLO?'' Alex said in a somewhat happy tone.

''Alex son i just called to say goodbye'' Alex's dad said in a sad tone.

'' wha- what do you mean?'' Alex said while confused.

'' i'll explain everything,a rival drug cartel called ''the razors'' are trying to take over my own drug business,and there will be a drug war going on and i might die in this war, just don't tell your mom this.'' Alex's dad said.

''What?!,NO YOU CANT DIE!YOU WILL BREAK MOMS HEART IF SHE FINDS OUT YOUR DEAD!'' Alex said in a sad yet angry tone.

'' I'm sorry Alex,in this war i'm either going to jail or dead,but either way it goes tell your mom that i love her'' Alex's dad said.

''If you cant come to me,then i will come to you, i will order myself a bus ticket and go all the way to Miami.'' Alex said.

"But Alex,you don't understand,every time i call someone the razors tap into my phone calls to know who i am talking to or if I'm planning anything secret,so they will try to kill you on the way.''Alex's dad said.

''you have guns right?,then i will use the guns you left behind.'' Alex said.

''you and what army?'' Alex's dad said.

'' um i will bring my 3 friends that will help accompany me on the journey.'' Alex said.

'' HA,i doubt 3 friends your age will come with you,there parents will be looking for them.'' Alex's dad said.

''i will take the blame when there parents are looking for them,all i just need to do is to worry about money,transportation,food,where we will sleep,avoiding police,and trying to fight and not get killed by the razors.'' Alex said.

''Now is there anymore you need to tell me when about the drug cartel before my mom wonders who I'm talking to?'' Alex said.

''good luck surviving on your journey'' Alex's dad said as he hanged up the phone.

Alex want's to help his dad,but not only that he wanted,he also wanted to persuade his dad to shut down the drug cartel and get back together with his mom.But tomorrow, he will see what his friends thinks about the journey.

to be continued.

is it okay or does it need work?

Sorry for the way i write.

its good 5
It needs some work. 27
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Pika-girl
    9 years ago

    Comic?

    Well, I may or may not be able to help with this because there are no pics, buuuuuttt...

    As you may know (of course you do), I AM working on a comic, myself, soooooo... Sounds good.

    Stick to whatever you like. :)
    In writing things, it's all about you.
    Your choice to do whatever you want!

    That's probably all I can say. It's kinda hard to say it through a computer... :/

    Well, good luck!

    (BTW Are you planning on publishing?)

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    • Pika-girl
      9 years ago

      Oh yeah! You could also buy some books for writing comics!

      I own a few manga books by Christopher Hart (Awesome dude, by the way! :D) and they sometimes show different panels, effects, sound effects, (blah blah blaaah...), etc.

      You could also use dictionaries (Did I spell that correctly?) to help with vocabulary, spelling, and definitions.

      Um... Do you know the scanning trick yet (It's for proffesional comics, though... :/)? (I do not use this, so I may be incorrect) You would also need a "doodle tablet" (what I call it) for this if you want it to also be a digital/printed/whatever comic. You get your drawn out picture/comic strip and placd it on a scanner. Use this program to send the picture to the computer, so you can start "doodling" on it. Trace those lines, add effects, add dialogue, do stuff with it.

      Hope this helps! Bye-bye!

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  • Aliceee93
    9 years ago

    I think this is the wrong place to ask this :(

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  • seekelp
    9 years ago

    Don't comics usually have pictures?

    I do like that you're delivering most of your exposition though dialogue rather than just outright stating it.

    Remember: Show, don't tell.

    Also, I'm seconding what RawSodium said. Run it through a word processor. There's a lot of mistakes that it'll help you catch.

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    *holds breath*

    Don't be discouraged. It's a reasonable start, but there's lots and lots of room for improvement. From elementary things like grammar, tense, capitalization to stylistic aspects like imagery, and figure of speech, creative sentence structures.

    Do you read comics/books yourself? If you do, the next time you read one analyze it as you read it. Whenever you come across a part of the story you enjoyed, think about the writing and why the writer may have chosen to word it the way he/she did.

    I'm not sure if this was your first or final draft of the comic. Writing it in Microsoft Word will help a bit as some of your fragments, and broken grammar/sentences get highlighted (underlined). Good luck

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