Is my bf shy, unique, or does he have asperger's?

Thank you everyone for your feedback and comments! I'm back, and I've been thinking about what you've all said here for a while now. Well, I am happy to report that after a few months of being together, he is starting to become more affectionate and loving in our relationship - affectionate in his own way, but definitely a marked improvement. I discovered the answer here - NOT fighting fire with fire, or in this case, coldness with coldness. I did a little introspection and realized that I was matching him tit for tat, and would withdraw from him out of pride and a severely hurt ego everytime I felt him becoming detached and cold. Now I tried a different strategy, and "fought" his detachment with light-hearted and freely given affection without expectations. And wouldn't you know, it WORKED. As the bible did say, "When someone smites you in the right cheek, offer them the left" (or something like it). Haha! Well, this is making a Christian out of me I suppose. Thanks everyone!

You must be a saint, most women wouldn't give an Aspergoid (or suspected Aspergoid) the time of day, much less give him access to your girlie parts like you're doing. (Or maybe he's hung like a pony?)

assburgers hahaha

Ispellgood- your situation is very similar to mine. Almost identical for that manner. Can you give specifics on what your doing and how he's changing? A friend of mine has the same situation with her husband and was recommended the book "the 5 different love languages" or something similar to that. I was going to pick it up and hopefully find much needed answers/insight/help ;)

Get a new wife :D

schizoid

I think if you really love him and want to be with him you need to keep the communication going. Let him know what's on your mind and as long as you're seeing he's making effort and you're happy then it's ok. If you are voicing your concerns and are still not happy then maybe it's time to move on.

It's completely normal. Just give it time and time will work everything out. He does love you just has a different way of expressing it.

omg that's me and my guy but I know he will never change he is awkward and cocky at the same time. Dame girl I feel ur pain and I don't think I wanna hang on to much longer it's not worth it. I Want to be happy! u should too NOT Normal either of us

Sounds like me, I'm pretty unemotional but when I tell a girl I love her I absolutely mean it. You should buy the guy some self help books. Even it slot of it is wishy washy bs I promise you'll come away with something.

He's 36 and change is hard. It is very possible that he doesn't have aspergers and that he isn't shy about expressing himself but that he just doesn't have the same emotional depth as you. People vary in how sensitive they are.

Part of this is because men tend to have less developed emotional sensitivity. We are taught to bottle it up and hide it. Not just from others but even from ourselves. Mood disorders like depression and dysthemia also impact how vivid a person's emotional life is. He may be able to unlock his feelings so that he can better love and commune with you but it will take therapy and even then may not result in a man who can love you as you need to e loved. It's a sad sad world sometimes.

Just give him time. I'm a male and I think he realy likes you, he may just need the time which I think he is asking you for.

I never took my needy bitch of a wife out and I still love the shit out of her wingy mouth hole. But I'm not shy, she put out with in the first ten mins of me knowing her, and she is a teacher which I met her when she was teaching

Hope this helps

Be patient. It'll be a good thing when've comes around. :)

Hi Groman! Thanks for your comment. :) I'd love to help. I actually did go through the 5 different love languages a few months ago in my desperation to understand our relationship. And yes, I would say that so far it has helped us and that you and your boyfriend should also go through it together. :) I understand now for instance that his love language is more of the acts of service, and of giving gifts. I on the other hand communicate the love I feel for him primarily through words of affection and touch. We both meet in terms of quality time spent together but it was a bit of a breakthrough when he realized that I needed more physical and verbal affection from him and that I should understand his picking me up and calling me everyday as his way of telling me he loves me. Although it isn't perfect, he's been trying, and we're getting there. :)

I would say that we are now entering the 2nd phase of our relationship, which is the need to talk about the feelings we have for each other. This is where it is getting rather complex, and to be honest I am starting to suspect that he also really might have asperger's - or assburgers as aussiewolf puts it. :)) True enough. Although he does try, he finds it difficult to express the emotions I need to hear when I need to hear them, although it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it too. Although I haven't yet put forward the possibility, it's becoming more likely that he has the syndrome. Aspies cannot read facial expression or festures by drawing the same conclusions we do such as "eyebrows drawn together + frown = anger." It just doesn't compute for them.

When I read up about Asperger's more it also helped me come to terms with a lot of the oddities I've been seeing in the way he acts and how he is when we're together. For instance, when I used to show him i was upset by keeping a perpetual frown on my face - he never understood it! He would always ask "What's with the face?" Initially, I thought he was just saying that to irk me, but it's becoming apparent that he really just doesn't get it. Aspies also can't read normal social or emotional cues the same way we do. Hence my boyfriend's inabibility to have the same follow-throughs we entertain in normal relationships, such as a reciprocated hug, or words/gestures of apprecation. I literally have to tell him to hug me at times.

It's quite a challenge. But I'm still here with him, and although I'm not counting on this being a perfect or normal relationship, I do hope that I at least help him along the way.

Hope this helps. :)

lol i always give affection to my BF. im usually not the one initiating it, but i like initiating it when i get the chance. he's usually the one doing everything, and i like to 'chip in' some of the time.

frankly, you're lucky you even have someone who will pay all of the bill and has a car.