Is it worth losing my boyfriend over bad sex?

67% Normal
11 Comments

I am pretty much engaged to my significant other and I love him dearly. Thing is, sex is not great. In past relationships, I wanted it at least every other day. I never had issues with getting turned on, even with men I didn't like even a fraction as much as I love my boyfriend. It bums me out that the prospect of sleeping with my current boyfriend does not turn me on.

I have chronic insomnia so I never know whether to chalk up my lack of libido to my condition or my boyfriend's skills in bed. Just as an experiment, I was thinking of pitching the idea of taking a break from our relationship in order to get to the bottom of things. Theoretically, I would try out one partner and see if it "cures" the problem.

Sex is important but is it worth losing my boyfriend? I've tried directing my boyfriend in bed and while it's helpful, it doesn't solve everything. I feel bossy and demanding and just end up wishing I had a partner that was more of a natural. Also, there's only so much that sexual direction can get you - sometimes the parts don't fit right if you catch my drift.

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 107 votes (72 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • peach77
    13 years ago

    wonderboy et al, this is something i've been living with for about two years so i think i've put in quite a bit of earnest effort. also, it's not as simple as "he's too small". that's not really the case. believe it or not, it's the kissing & foreplay that i find most unsatisfying.

    btw, almost all my boyfriend's past girlfriends have cheated on him or left him for someone else. i did start to suspect why...

    thank you for your input. i can't discuss the situation with anyone in real-life, mostly b/c i don't want to embarrass my boyfriend.

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  • wonderboy34
    13 years ago

    Teach him what you want??? I meant that as a question? Why CANT you teach him?!

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    • Terence_the_viking
      11 years ago

      Wonder boy ... what is the secret of your power?

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  • sega31098
    11 years ago

    If you don't like your boyfriend because of sex, then you're probably not truly in love with him.

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  • eyeofthenile
    12 years ago

    Are you trying to say that you lack chemistry in bed?

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  • BlueAlice
    12 years ago

    I sometimes feel like I am in the same situation...

    I won't go into much detail about what has happened/our preferences for now, but I firmly believe that no married could should ever have to put up with bad sex, or - even worse - none at all.

    Have you tried porn and/or explicit instructions, OP? If so - and he's STILL crap in bed and doesn't want to try to improve and/or doesn't improve at all no matter how many times you've tried - end it.

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  • Chip
    13 years ago

    Begin exploring urself, that is masturbare and that way u can feel what is it that u like, then u can teach him If u dont feel pleasure mast then the prob is u

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Just get better at teaching him. Unless you just don't want to bother anymore in which case stop wasting his time

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  • fattymoocow
    13 years ago

    I agree with wonderboy. Your insomnia probably is the biggest cause of your libido. I go through dry spells too. Have you ever been turned on by your bf or is it just recently? If you have before then you know something changed and you were able to get off with him before. I would get checked up by a doctor to see if anything is wrong. Also the BIGGEST change that helped my libido is exercise. You having amazing orgasms if you have exercise in your life. The good feelings are 100x better if you exercise!

    Don't break up or risk losing him over something you haven't tried to change or resolve yet. Don't be a quitter because it's hard all of a sudden.

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  • Cosmicgiggle
    13 years ago

    You're right. But you can work on making the parts fit. Are you physically attracted? It seems that if you were, then enjoying his company in bed, however lacking, would be easier for you. Does he know about your dissatisfaction? If so, that just puts stress on him which could make the whole thing worse. If you decide that your in this come rain or shine, I bet with some outside help and patients you can work through this.

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  • wonderboy34
    13 years ago

    A mans worse nightmare-you! I understand it may not be that great but can't you teach him what u want. As far as things fitting, there are ways to help that as well unless your the picklebarrell to his noodle! Nobody wants to work for a relationship anymore, if it's tough, get rid of them! So, dump him so he can find someone with some character and you can find someone with a huge cock but will kick your teeth in when he's done with ya!

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