Is it weird to not want sex unless there's intimacy involved?

84% Normal
16 Comments

I dumped my ex about 3 years ago, about the same time I also lost my father. I haven't had sex in three years by choice.

My friends say that I'm depressed over the death of my father and that this is why I won't have sex and that it's not normal.

I dumped my ex because he was cheating and demonstrating some cruel behavior towards me. I also decided that my next relationship, there needed to be intimacy before sex.

I've had lots of sex, but am getting older and just think that my needs have changed. The last time I had sex, I didn't feel any connection like I used to. I really want to experience a deeper and more meaningful relationship with someone and not just have sex for the sake of having sex.

Is this normal?

Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 160 votes (134 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 16 )
  • SaaaaaaaaayWhit
    14 years ago

    You are a very smart woman, if you have already realised that sex doesnt always mean intimacy: you are in the sex smarter group of women. How many of your friends are upset after they have had sex with a guy and then he ignores them. If any guy is worth it, he'll wait.
    SEX does not mean INTIMACY

    smart chick that you are! :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    Absolutely normal. For me, the sex is no good and a waste unless I truly care for the person.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • YouAndMeNotSoPretty
    14 years ago

    I agree with 'icepeople'. Sex without intimacy just doesn't feel right.
    I just think it should be a meaningful experience.
    So I actually appreciate you for needing to feel the intimacy. :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • bestxXbudXxlayf
    14 years ago

    people make sex so cheap nowadays... i commend you for preserving the meaningfulness of sex :]

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • icepeople
    14 years ago

    I think intimacy is the most important part of sex. i know because I had a few one-night stands and they were no better than masterbation. I also had sex with women I felt real connection with and it was wonderful. Intimacy is vital for sex. It's very normal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • sparrowfeed
      13 years ago

      is it really no better than masturbation? ive never had one night stands probably for the reason that masturbation does it all for me.. and i don't need to waste my body if i can just do it myself.. and feel quite nice.

      im waiting for the real thing, baby. the real thing. not some cheap shit.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • hunnybunny
    15 years ago

    Its normal (or at least it should be). Im the same. I have been called old-fashioned, critisized by men for being fickle (im 19 btw). But I hate the thought of being promiscuous. I value myself and others too much to do that. I have been going out with my current BF (now fiance) for 8 years and I have never been with anyone else and nor do I want to be (and im not even religious).

    My point is you have every right to have that special someone in your life i.e. that person who is your 'soul mate'- and whoever says otherwise needs a morality check.

    Hunny Bunny

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    Isn't it somehow bizarre that you are made to question your mental health just because you don't want to trade intimacy for meaningless activity?

    Who are the crazy people these days? If the inmates are in charge of the asylum, does that make them sane?

    'Koyanosquatsi' - Life [totally] Out of Balance.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • nervous1
    11 years ago

    thank you! i'm a older man who was happily married and i have tried just sex with no relationship and it sucks. i talk with ex easily and she thinks it's a catholic school kid guilt thing but here's the deal. i need to be with someone i care about. if there is care there is trust and relaxation and that equals good sex that is fofilling and better orgasm's! and isnt that the bottom line.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Antimacy

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    A real woman. Don't you ever think your not normal for one second. The rest of society's morals and values are becoming so poor I don't even know what to do or say. But I'm glad people like you still exist. Stay up.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • zEropoint
    13 years ago

    Tell your "friends" to shove it up their asses.

    Then laugh at them when they're all sixty and still chasing after meaningless bullshit 'experiences' and you have a home and family to belong to.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • sparrowfeed
    13 years ago

    obviously you want to have sex like that.. that just seems normal. ya, it is cheap, nowadays. and it shouldn't be.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • elf_princess
    14 years ago

    in my opinion, it's absolutely normal. it's my position as well. i'm strongly against one night stand and it takes me rather much time to get intimate with somebody. why should i waist my time on those who want nothing but certain parts of my body???

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • russellnb
    14 years ago

    NO. It is perfectly normal and on the way to good sense

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • alexlong
    14 years ago

    kinda normal, i feel both ways, i like intamacy in sex but i also like just having sex for the fuck of it

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0