Is it weird??

13% Normal
10 Comments

My girlfriend, whom I've been with now for around 8 months, tells me that almost a week ago she sent her ex (from about 5 to 10yrs ago) a text message wondering how he was, as their break up was quite bad and she was wondering if he got through it ok (he was a heavy drug user and became quite violent and suicidal apparently). So far this is not the issue, I have no problems with ex's being friends, I have many of my ex's that are still in my life as friends.

Then yesterday, my girlfriend asks if I would mind if she catches up with some friends either the Friday or Saturday night, I say sure, no problem.

So she arranged it for Saturday night (tonight), just before she left (well a few hours before) I found out that she was actually catching up with the ex she's recently made contact with, at his place, on the other side of town (just over an hour away).

So she left around 7pm... apparently got lost finding the place, so I got a message at 11pm advising she got there and they'd had Nandos for dinner, and were just sitting on the couch watching tv.

I said in a reply message, that it was all good, and sorry she got lost, but pleased she having a good night. I went on to say, that I was heading to bed and I'll see her when she gets home. It's now 3.15am, there hasn't been any further contact and she's still not home...

Am I overthinking this, or is it very weird??

On a side note, My girlfriend is constantly telling me she's worried that I'm talking to other women and looking at cheating on her and that's her biggest fear (that she'll catch me cheating), so I don't, not because she doesn't want me to, it's because I don't believe cheating is a good thing at all. But I get the feeling, what's good for her isn't good for me. I'm not happy in this relationship, I haven't been for a few weeks or so now, but I wouldn't cheat, I wouldn't suddenly start talking to an ex and then arrange to meet up with them, at their place, during the night!

Wouldn't you arrange a catch up during the day (he doesn't work and my girlfriend only works 3 half days a week) maybe at a park or restaurant or somewhere more public. Don't forget that she hasn't seen him for at least 5 years and he was potentially violent, but because he sounds better in text messages now, it's all ok.

I honestly thought she would have been home by 1am, not wondering where she is after 3am. At what point do I call her to see if she ok....

Something just isn't adding up....

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 30 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • ZaneT
    7 years ago

    Without being blunt, if you really care for this girl, you need to communicate and demomstrate that you want a serious relationship, but realistically in return you need to ask her to cut ties with this other guy to give your relationship the best chance of success.

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    • Ads75
      7 years ago

      I have been showing her, and communicating on a daily basis how I'm feeling towards her, and how I feel about this stupid scenario.. and that it is gutting me, but I then also go on to say I will support her 100% in whatever she decides. I completely agree that cutting the ties would be the best approach for everyone in the long run, but then I would also stress about wondering if she will be resenting me because of it.. and it won't work out anyway...

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  • privatepropertykeepout
    7 years ago

    Is she home yet?

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    • Ads75
      7 years ago

      Yep. 6am it was.

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  • ZaneT
    7 years ago

    Sounds a bit sus, but you have to get to the bottom of it yourself without jumping to the wrong conclusion. It's not the best sign if she is accusing you of cheating etc.. Hopefully you can find out one way or another what's going on.

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    • Ads75
      7 years ago

      I haven't cheated, and would never cheat. I've had it done to e before, and I know what it's like.. I have spoken to my GF and found out more info.. Lots more info..

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  • coolboybeebles
    7 years ago

    I think that, based on what you said, you should break up and stay friends. Since you say that you still care, and that she needs support and lives with you, you can be a friend who supports her. But if you aren't in love with her and she's got some commitment issues (among other issues), do yourself a favor and stop dragging things out because the uncertainty is gonna kill you, man. Let her figure things out for herself and take a step out of it. It might even be best for her to move out (assuming it's your place) so that you guys can spend some time apart. Because if you decide to break up, being around each other everyday, all the time, is going to make things difficult, and there may come a day after you start to feel okay again when she comes crawling back, and you in a moment of weakness might take her back, starting another bout of a relationship that is destined to fail.

    Whatever you decide to do, think about her behavior in relation to the long term outcome of a relationship with her, and most importantly, think about you and what you want. If its not compatable with her and what she wants... well, stop torturing yourself and end it.

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  • ZaneT
    7 years ago

    I hope it works out ok whatever you decide.

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  • Ads75
    7 years ago

    Oh, and yes. It is NOT NORMAL! it is very weird... it is a completely f***ed up situation!

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  • Ads75
    7 years ago

    OK. So since posting this story, she did eventually get home at 6am. I left it there, as I knew she was tired. I noticed that when she got home, she was no longer wearing a bra which did pose a few concerns, but I thought she needs sleep.

    All day Sunday, I went about my business, and she was in bed most the day, I was talking to her and trying to be the non suspicious boyfriend. That worked well until about 3pm that day..

    the whole thing was killing me inside, I couldn't study on any of my own work or especially a course I had to have finished that day, I didn't get any of it done, I was too distressed.

    I went upstairs and just stated "OK, I need to know, What's going on between you and X?"

    Over many many hours of talking, it comes down to this. She didn't believe that I was truly in love with her from some of the conversations we had had in the prior couple of weeks, which is true to a degree, I had thought the same thing from her attitude (Yes, communication would have solved that problem), apparently she told me that she was going to his house and catching up, she was wanting me to say don't go, or something to make her believe I cared (I was unaware that she was going to his house, or even seeing him!, I thought she was honestly catching up with friends).

    So, she went to his house, thinking we were over anyway pretty much, and she had unresolved feelings or emotions or something for him, and needed to see where that could go. They did some things, mostly groping and kissing, there was a bit of "foreplay" with fingers if that makes sense, but there was no sex itself..

    So here I am trying to work things out with her, be with her, trying to make amends and show my love for her, etc.. All while she wants to be with me, but still doesn't know how she feels about X.. She's going there for lunch this time on Sunday..

    She tells me that she wants to be with me, she doesn't see a future with X, etc.. she's made her decision in her head, but is now confused and also doesn't want to hurt X and upset his depression and BiPolar disorder.. I probably should mention my GF suffers from Depression, Anxiety and PTSD.

    All I can do, is play it out and see what happens I guess. She says to me she wouldn't be completely suprised if I wanted to leave now.. but appreciates that I'm supporting her.. and I do want to support her, because she needs assistance at the moment, and I do love her.

    Meanwhile, yes, it is killing me inside, my brain constantly says get out.. but my heart says stay.. I know this won't end well for someone, or a couple of people, but I guess time will tell.. Yes, sometimes, I believe I am an idiot!

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