Is it unreasonable to not love your mother?
For years my relationship with my parents (mostly my mom) are strained. My dad isn't even around, so I'm not going to bother talking about him.
My main issue with my mother is that I don't have much of a reason to love her. I know it sounds crazy, but let me explain first.
In order for me to care about someone it should be based on unconditional love. Sounds reasonable, right?
The person should have a quality that I appreciate in them, which is why I interact with them in the first place. It isn't like that with my mom at all.
Any time she talks to me she is telling me to do something or questioning what I am doing "why weren't you up earlier [on a Saturday]?", "why aren't you eating BEFORE you shower?", "do your homework-get out here and interact with [insert guest here]!"
I am not exaggerating; every single conversation goes like this, or the basic "hello" and "good morning."
There isn't anything to talk about either; she has very basic and inoffensive opinions which make for dull conversations (if I even bother to talk to her.) She never seems passionate about anything but getting me to do the dishes.
I don't feel like she respects me either, not that I would expect ANY parent to respect their child. It is standard for them to treat their child like a dumb teen, so there isn't much to say here.
The real kicker is that she has the one quality I could never accept in a person. She can be stubborn, she can be rude, she can be as loud as she wants, but I can NEVER accept her for this quality.
She always started the argument with "I never did anything wrong! You could never have a reason to be mad at me!"
Whenever she talks with my therapist she says "I am so proud of [__] and am glad that the medication is working for them, but..." then she goes on a tangent about how I don't listen to her. As if my anxiety medication was for YOU to have the daughter you always wanted. I explained to her that this medication has NOTHING to do with her; it is because of school, but she still brings it up! As if it wasn't obvious.
She would always complain about what I did wrong, and only AFTER I pointed that out would she say "I'm so proud of you." She only says it because I asked her to, not because she felt like it.
Even after I stay in G and T and the Honor Roll, be a part of AP classes, college classes and NHS, even after NEVER doing drugs, having sex, failing a class, associating with the wrong people, staying out late or even DATING, I'm still not good enough.
I've tried telling her that I'm introverted, that I have anxiety, that I like peace and quiet, she doesn't listen. She says she wants to understand, but I've never seen her ask me about it EVER.
"What makes being alone so peaceful to you?"
"Why do you like doing this over this?"
"Should I leave you alone for now? When is a good time for us to do something together?"
"Is it okay if we go out today?"
At least a moments notice before you drag me outside.
And yes, I am aware that my actions haven't helped the situation, but
I've tried using words to tell her I'm not comfortable with certain things. I've told her to her face that she doesn't seem to see things from my perspective, and that she just sees me as a disobedient teen and nothing more. (I don't think she believes I have anxiety and depression, even though I've been diagnosed after five years of therapy.) I feel like she wants me to be as one-dimensional as she is and see everything as one-dimensional the way she does.
Am I being unreasonable?