Is it true a guy will go out of his way for the one he really wants?

60% Normal

I understand it might vary depending on their personality or character so a guy might have found the one but he won't go out of his way still...or no?

I am confused because based on my last relationship, my ex did go out of his way. He loved me and the way he treated me was so thoughtful as if wow if this is what having a bf is like I'm gonna like it (he was my first bf).

What a difference it is with my bf now. Hes the total opposite; puts himself first, puts his work first, really doesn't make me a priority but claims he does care about me and wants to be with me. Well he def has a different way of showing it as opposed to my ex lol. Or is it because he doesn't love me as much as my ex did? He explains how he feels about me but his actions don't match up.

Idk I guess they were two different guys where one was emotionally mature and the other one is emotionally immature yet they feel the same way about me? Or it is the fact that my bf now doesn't love me as much as my ex. If that is the case though, I don't think I want to be with him, not when I'm not someone special to them. I guess coming froma relationship where I was a central part makes it harder to accept anyone who thinks of me as less from now on.

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60% Normal

Based on 25 votes (15 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

CountessDouche

8 years ago

Simply put, you are disordered if you go for the guy that treats you like shit. You aren't ready for a relationship; you need to evaluate yourself.

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JD777

8 years ago

What it means is that not everyone treats their significant other the same, even if they like/love them. Some people are doting, some self-absorbed, some kind, aloof, naggy, mean, covetous, considerate, etc., etc. Pick wisely.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I can't "pick wisely" not when you just all of a sudden fall in love. Its like you tripped and didn't see it coming. So its not like I chose to be w this guy. I just followed my heart when I met him cause it made me feel good. If it wasn't cause I loved him, omg I would've totally not stayed w him because he does have one of those character flaws and I'm tired of being patient with it. Idk if its his flaw or if its cause he doesn't like me enough to try harder to make it work with me. I'm tired of justifying his actions though with his flaws. He either needs to grow up and try harder or I'm leaving because if he doesn't try harder it just tells me he's not that into me so its not worth it
  
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  - VinnyB
    
    8 years ago
    
    Um, yes you are choosing to be with him. Who you catch feelings for or fall in love with, no control. But you you choosing to be and stay in a relationship with that person is a choice. The very fact that you acknowledge that you can and may leave him proves that. If you want to leave, leave. If you choose to stay, that's your choice too.
    
    It really makes no difference if people think it's normal or not. What matters is if you feel you can accept him as he is or not, which since you say you will leave him if he doesn't change, it sounds like you can't.
    
    Either way, you get to choose. Choose wisely.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Well what would you do then? If you can't accept the person you love for their flaws and personality, what would you do?
      
      I was hoping for some cooperation from him rather than just leaving me to accept it. I wish he can say "Ill try harder to show you how I feel cause I want to be with you." Okay thanks, its the effort that makes me feel he does care. If I told him "I would like it if you told me ahead of time where you were going rather than me finding out when you came back" he'll be like "well...I didn't know that was a big deal thats just how Ive always been" "well it makes me feel unimportant and not a priority so by you letting me know ahead of time will make me feel better. If you care about my feelings, you'll try to do that from now on." "idk cause thats just how I am" he's not willing to go out of his way in a tiny effort that makes a big difference? then I would think he's not that into me in the first place.
      
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      - VinnyB
        
        8 years ago
        
        I'm not really going to answer that. I'm not you so I am not going to tell you what you are willing to live with and accept. Who you select as a long term partner is a very personal choice. I don't make recommendations that serious, especially when I don't even know either person. Still your choice, choose wisely.
        
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      - iEatZombies_
        
        8 years ago
        
        It's possible that he doesn't view your feelings as a top priority, but that he does view your well-being as a top priority. I'm not saying this is or isn't the case, but it's a possibility.
        Some people don't really think feelings are as important as other things. He may feel that he has feelings for you and so he wants to take care of you or keep you safe more than he wants you to like him.
        Now I'm not sure what you mean by him putting himself first, but if it's not in a vital way then it may not be that big a deal.
        Even -if- this were the case though, you'd still have to decide if that is the kind of relationship you want.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        I think one of the huge factors I'm beginning to see here which I thought wasnt a big deal in the first place is our age. He's in his late twenties while I'm in my early twenties and he's had at least 3 serious relationships while I have only had one before with him. I think he is a little more mature when it comes to distinguishing what really matters in the end and what doesn't. I guess I am still immature where I go along with my feelings and don't see the bigger picture or what really matters in the end. Regardless, its hard because the way we see relationships isnt as compatible as I thought it was.
        
        He probably doesn't find it a big deal anymore to talk to his gf every day because he learned from experience it isn't worth fighting for. The fact that I can understand this might help me accept his ways more but I can't help it if I am still sad about it. My feelings still consume me while he learned how to control his feelings now I guess. Idk if I should perhaps let him know this age thing and experience thing...he'll prob agree and we might save our relationship.
        
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notaterrorist

8 years ago

if I ask a girl out once and she says no I just forget about her rather than keep trying

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Nokiot9

8 years ago

Different people treat different people differently lol. Your ex might have treated you like a queen and his current Gf even better or way way worse. Or your BF now could love you way more than your ex did and just have a really hard time showing it or communicating it properly. He might just be really motivated to provide you a future you deserve. Or it's very possible he doesn't love you as much just like you suspect. Idk. I'm just gonna tell u what I tell everyone. COMMUNICTE. Tell your boyfriend you want him to treat you differently. Stress that you love how he has been treating you (even if you don't. So you don't step on his ego and make him feel like the stuff he DOES do for u doesn't matter) but you need him to make a few adjustments. Then to be fair, ask him if there is anything that is bothering him about how much attention you give him, or anything in general.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Hmmm thanks for this actually. It was the same advice which is to commuinicate and IVe done it many many times that I hold back now cause I feel like Im pushing him away.
  
  But when you said tell him I do like how hes been treating me, makes me think I would like to point out the good things hes done for me and they mean a lot because he prob does feel like its never enough for me and i dont want him to feel that way. But I have asked him what dont you like of me or do and he pulls back cause he's afraid when he says what he doesnt like of me, its gonna make me mad and we're gonna fight.I try to let him know that no im not gonna be like that. He is just SO COMPLICATED to talk to thats why this "communication" is harder for us than for other couples. And he knows he has bad communication so hes aware but he says he doesnt know how to change it.
  
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Unimportant

8 years ago

Short answer: no.

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NathanScott

8 years ago

It is true if we realy like a girl we'll definately go the extra mile but that doesnt mean we are going to spend our entire day with you showering you with gifts.It simply means we will do things that ordinarily we wont do for another girl.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Yeah that sounds like my ex, but not like my bf now. If you really like them you will go out of your way and not half ass things. Sometimes I feel like he knows I am crazy about him so he thinks he has me on lock and when he messes up, hell know I'll still be there. Its like he takes advantage of the fact that I am crazy bout him. When I become distant, then hell give me attention. I don't see why he has to wait for me to become distant to give me attention, why not when I was giving you all my attention.
  
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thegypsysailor

8 years ago

A relationship to me is a partnership, not a me first or her first sort of situation.
What are YOU giving in your present relationship? Perhaps your present guy has more responsibilities and less time for you than your previous boy friend. One was a high school thing and this time not?
You haven't really given us much info to work with, but I'm guessing you'll never find anyone with a real life who has enough time to give you the 100% you seem to expect.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I've given him everything-my affection, time, gifts, attention, support, and more. I give him 100, he gives me 50.
  
  Yeah he is more busy than my ex when I was with him plus he's older but I've caught him where he does have free time and doesn't bother to contact me. I know his schedule i know when hes free and i guess he doesnt feel that want to talk to me.I feel neglected by him. He doesn't respond or return my calls, he's really half ass. Would you be half ass to someone you really like and care about? I don't think so cause you wouldn't want to risk losing them. That's why I lean towards he fact that he isn't crazy about me enough to WANT to try harder to make it work.
  
  Sometimes I wanna ask my ex if he has treated any other of his gfs like he did w me. Actually, yeah he did tell me no that he treated me way more special because I guess I was his first love. I never really had to ask around "why is he acting this way?" Cause I was assured he did love me.
  
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  - thegypsysailor
    
    8 years ago
    
    Sounds to me that you are pretty unhappy with this guy. Time to leave, I guess.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      It is so time. But so you agree right? You wouldn't half ass like he is to someone you really like?
      
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      - thegypsysailor
        
        8 years ago
        
        Ask anybody here; me half ass? No, I say it like I see it and don't give a crap that others don't agree.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it true a guy will go out of his way for the one he really wants?