Is it rude that i want my best friend to lose weight?

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37 Comments

My best friend is overweight, like i mean 60+ pounds more than she should be, and it’s only gotten worse in the last 2 years and it continues to go downhill. She always talks about how she wants to lose weight but never does anything about it. It actually makes me mad cause like she always takes her weight as a joke, like someone will mention that she’s grabbing 4 sweets at a time and she will actually take 5 more and say something like “haha why not”. Maybe shes in denial but she never listens to me when i suggest that maybe she shouldn’t have pizza AND pasta for lunch. I wish someone would tell her that she’s very obese just so it would get into her head and maybe she would try to do something about it, i would never have the guts to say it to her.

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Based on 36 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 37 )
  • Columbusbiguy
    4 years ago | pl

    She knows she absolutely knows, and you as a good friend does not help. It is going to take an event that finally gets her to wake up and take action. Hopefully it will happen before its too late. All you can do is be supportive and not preachy. She needs a friend, not another parent.

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  • IrishPotato
    4 years ago

    Knew a story of a guy who's friend texted him "fat fuck" every day.

    He's skinny now.

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  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    If she really is your best friend, you really ought to do something. Maybe try to talk to her family about it or just bring it up with her. I am a personal trainer and have helped several clients lose weight. Being obese lowers both quality of life and life expectancy significantly. This is no joking matter. Try to show that the reason you want her to be healthier is because you want her to still be around when you guys are 50 years old.

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    • charli.m
      4 years ago

      Yes, but as a personal trainer, surely you're aware how destructive outright telling an overweight/obese person they need to lose weight can be.

      Encouraging her to join for healthy habits - like maybe instead of meeting up for a meal, do something active (but not too daunting at first) like going for a walk. Leading by example.

      For sure, a real friend wants their friend to be healthy, and overweight/obese is not healthy (though some overweight people can have very good cardiovascular health etc...) but contributing to depression by saying something that will probably be tsken as a judgement (whether that is the intent or not) is not going to motivate her. And making a health conscious life change, as you would know as a trainer, is something a person has to be intrinsically motivated to do.

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      • Doesnormalmatter
        4 years ago

        I have only been training for a year and mostly don't help clients lose weight that are obese. Most of my clients are either trying to build muscle or get very lean, sometimes even below the optimal range for health. So I admit that I do personally struggle to relate to people in such a situation as OP's friend. And also, as a said in one of my other comments, what works psychologically to help Someone lose weight is very specific to that individual. Some people just need to be nagged, where as other people get more mentally damaged from such an approach and develop a negative over all body image to the point where it is detrimental. The reality of an obese persons situation is very harsh, and being very blatant about it is never a good first option. But if nicer methods that avoid the straight facts don't work, a more direct approach may be nessecary. Again, it is is super specific to that individuals emotional profile and what they respond to, and I don't know enough about the individuals in this situation to make a direct call about this. I appreciate your comment and the fact that you made me realise that I am biased
        Because to me, and all of my clients, health is not the concern, performance is. And they are intisically motivated already, which is a very different ball game.

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        • charli.m
          4 years ago

          Thanks for actually reading my comment, unlike the other douche who got his feelings hurt while admonishing me for "feelings" when it was just...y'know. Science n shit.

          You're right, it does vary from person to person, but it has been known from studies for decades that, "Hey you're fat you need to lose weight", even said with loving intentions actually has a detrimental effect on most people.

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      • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
        4 years ago

        Here comes the liberal victim army. "Yes the numbers dont lie but lets talk about the feelings". Bro no one cares about the feelings. Shes gonna die from a heart attack.

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        • Doesnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          How the clients self image is affected throughout the process is crucial for their sucess. Being blunt like that and just telling someone "your fat, going to get diabetes and be dead by the time your 60" is not a good approach. The truth hurts in this situation and if you are too blunt you can overwhelm them. It's a one step at a time gradual process but feeling are important because the client does not want to lose hope. The truth does not change but the means of presenting it are very important in this situation.

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          • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
            4 years ago

            God the world is full of pussies now. Our men have no testosterone anymore.
            I hope my son doesnt spew this new age victim bullshit yall do. You go enable your fat friends if you want. Ill stick to military style treatment. There's a reason the military creates some of the toughest most disciplined people on earth. Its not because they cuddle you and talk about your feelings. Your feelings dont matter. What matters is results.

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            • Doesnormalmatter
              4 years ago

              What does men having no testosterone have to do with women losing weight? Please make a more relevant argument mate. I tell all my fat friends quite often that it is important for them to lose weight for their health. Many people are becoming wussies nowadays and it's usually those with poor willpower and mental toughness that get obese anyway. We agree that being obese is objectivly detrimental to someone's health. You just think we should be more blunt about it, am I right?

              I think that being too blunt can cause some of these sissies you describe to just give up sometimes.

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        • charli.m
          4 years ago

          I'm sorry someone hurt you and now you need to attack anyone for knowing more than you do. Your poor widdle feewings. Diddums.

          Never said being fat was healthy, genius. Learn to read, maybe?

          I was going to provide you with like...10 links backing up my stance, but...it's not my job to coddle you. Get your head out of your arse and stop looking for shit that ain't there...

          ...while being exactly the thing you're whining about. Brilliant.

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          • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
            4 years ago

            Remember the food pyramid? That was from 'studies' too. Government told you most your diet should come from sugar and fruit juice. It also said cholesterol was bad for you. They no longer tell you cholesterol is bad for you. Because people eating low fat low cholesterol dropped dead like flies. Just because you have some silly little liberal studies doesn't mean anything.

            Theres a reason people do interventions. You dont enable people. You dont cuddle them and tell them its gonna be alright, because you're lying to them. They arent gonna be alright. Theyre gonna die.

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            • charli.m
              4 years ago

              Maybe the American government did. I have zero recollection of any time anywhere said "most of diet" should come from sugar and juice. For sure, dietart fat has been demonised for a long time when sugar has been the culprit...but...

              I don't know why I'm wasting my time with an uneducated conspiracy nut anyway. It's idiots like you that make the rest of the world think America is dumb and crazy. You don't even read my comment, you just add your own crazy shit. I never said anythingabout enabling, but that doesn't suit your crazy rant, so you ignore and make your own shit up.

              And the word is coddle, not cuddle. A cuddle is a hug. Basic education. Try it some time. Champ.

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          • Doesnormalmatter
            4 years ago

            Very good! Attacking others so blatantly is a sign of personal insecurity!

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            • charli.m
              4 years ago

              I get the feeling with that one, it's a lack of education...and insecurity leading from that...

              I mean, I'll call a retard a retard and a cunt a cunt...

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  • EggKegg
    4 years ago

    I don’t think it’s rude. You care about her wellbeing.
    People are saying you should accept her weight, but you said she’s been repeating her want to lose it, so it’s fair for you to want her to do what she wants.

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  • [Old Memory]
    4 years ago

    I guess if she's your friend then you need to accept her as she is. But then on the other hand if she whines about her weight all the time and continues doing nothing about it then that could become annoying. I had an alcoholic friend who was always getting wasted then feeling remorseful and saying how much he wants to change but then the weekend would come around and he would get wasted again. Food addiction and emotional eating are pretty much the same thing. It's very difficult to break lifelong habits like that . In the end I just got bored of my friend. It became an exercise in frustration so I don't hang out with him anymore.

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  • raisinbran
    4 years ago

    If she starts inconveniencing you with her weight, you can find another friend. Depends on how active you want to be.

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  • mia500
    4 years ago

    I think it’s normal that you’d want the best for your friends health but these things are hard because people won’t do anything about it unless they really feel it themselves. Like u cant force her, it has to be in her own head

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  • mauzi
    4 years ago

    Nah, it's depressing tbh to be around food addicted overweight people, but telling her she's obese isnt going to change anything. im sure she already knows.

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  • karmasAbich
    4 years ago

    Get a gym membership. Get the membership that allows you to take a person for free. Tell your friend you have a new hobby and take that cow with you and start doing that for fun.

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    • CoffeeMakesMeZoomZoom
      4 years ago

      i have tried, she barely works out twice a week. it doesn’t even do anything because she eats over 3000 calories a day, no amount of exercise for twice a week could make a dent on that.

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  • SwickDinging
    4 years ago

    There is nothing that someone else can say to a fat person that will make them lose weight. They already know that they are fat. They will already want to lose weight. They have to take the first steps to actually doing that on their own. Once she's started on her journey you can then help by being a running buddy, going out for healthy food together, whatever you think will help. But you can't make her take that first step. If you try to push her you will hurt her feelings and probably discourage her from taking this step herself.

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  • leggs91200
    4 years ago

    Unless this is someone you are romantic with, why worry about her weight? Once we are adults, we need to figure out for ourselves how we choose to live. My best friend does the same thing and I just tell her, "Well it is not my business how you choose to live."

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    She's an adult I'm assuming, so while I'm sure she probably does need to lose weight, it's her responsibility to change her diet, and exercise IF SHE SO CHOOSES. To be quite honest you are probably just annoying her, by nagging her so much. Regardless of whether a person is fat, or skinny most people don't appreciate being nagged. I would even venture to say by nagging her it probably makes her want to overeat even more.

    Unless she has serious health issues I think you ought to relax. Allow her to be responsible for herself.

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    • Doesnormalmatter
      4 years ago

      I dunno mate. If OP's friend is really 60 pounds overweight as an adult, her risk for a myriad of health issues is quite high, and will continue to rise. I don't know exactly what to tell OP to do, but being that obese is not healthy and lowers an individual's quality of life and life expectancy significantly.

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        This is true, but I also think that if someone is being nagged too much then they might just do the opposite. I also think people are responsible for caring for themselves.

        Maybe OP could compromise, and kinda do a little intervention, and say that he, or she is worried, but leave it at that. I guess I just think that pushing someone too much can actually have the opposite effect.

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        • Doesnormalmatter
          4 years ago

          I see your point, but I think perhaps her friend does not fully know and understand all the risks with being at such a high body fat. If she knew all the massive increases in heart disease risk and almost certain diabetes and early death coming her way, she might re-think things. It's because it's not causing her too much issues now that she doesn't want to change. But once it hits her, it can be too late to recover or at least more difficult. But yes, if people feel irritated by someone nagging them about it they might try to do the opposite. But I think If her friend knew fully what she was getting herself into with being so fat, she would definently want to do something. She doesn't want to feel judged for being fat and want's to show she doesn't care what people think of her. This is fine if it is things about herself that she can't change or if it's things that aren't seriously and objectively detrimental to her health.

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          • RoseIsabella
            4 years ago

            I think it's okay to tell her all of that, but just tell her one time instead of nagging continuously.

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            • CoffeeMakesMeZoomZoom
              4 years ago

              not really adults, both 18, if that makes it any different

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            • Doesnormalmatter
              4 years ago

              I agree. It doesn't seem like she is being nagged continuously reading the post though, although I do see how you could get that. Is that what you thought was implied? Also, nagging in moderation could be a means of negative reinforcement eventually causing her to want to change, partially because she wants people to quit bugging her about it. I've seen it work in my industry, but it is definently not for everyone. Some people, especially women, seem to get more offended by it and it can be counter productive. It's really at OP's discretion how she wants to go about it, but I would definently do something if you care about her that much.

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