Is it possible to love others and hate yourself?

24 Comments

This question is pretty self-explanatory, however I do want to mention that the question doesn't refer to me or anyone in particular. It's just a question I've been pondering. I've been told that you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself and people can't love you if they sense you don't love yourself. So what is your opinion on this?

Yes it's possible 63
No it's not possible 6
I don't know 5
It's possible but people probably won't love you back 4
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Comments ( 24 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago

    Definitely. It really annoys me when people say something like "you can't love others if you don't love yourself", because it's just not true. Why would it be true? It's basically saying to people: "if you're depressed, your love means nothing". Yeah, what great way to make someone depressed feel better...

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      No its really not. This is one of the few times that I completely disagree with you. Those who truly hate themselves are merely dependent on those they 'love'. Think about it logically. How can someone else have value *to you* if *you* have no value? Its a logical anomaly. That is really all that needs to be said. I have had depression for years, and I'm trying to manage it. I know exactly what it is like. When it gets bad I don't give a shit about anything, that includes helping others. I wouldn't say 'if you are depressed your love means nothing' but rather, 'if you don't love yourself you will have less capacity to love others, if at all'

      But the beautiful thing is that and once you learn how to accept yourself, loving others comes naturally.

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      • VioletTrees
        11 years ago

        How is that logically unsound? I don't follow.

        You might not be able love when you're really depressed, but you can't speak for everyone. I've been obsessively hating myself for over 10 years through my eating disorder, and I love my husband, thank you very much. You don't get to decide that people's love doesn't count.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          I think that is what the poll is asking us to do.

          'Love' is impossible to qualify, so this is a difficult debate. I'm not going to start speculating about your situation, but I stand by the principle of my statement. When people are obsessed with self loathing it consumes their energy, energy they could have to focus on their love for other people. Love itself may be constant, but I am certain that when we are depressed we do not demonstrate our love through our actions as well as we could.

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      • dom180
        11 years ago

        "How can someone else have value *to you* if *you* have no value? Its a logical anomaly". Love isn't a product that you have to have some of to be able to give some away (in the same way that you have to have some money to be able to give money), at least in my limited experience of love. So to me, that doesn't really sound like a fallacy at all.

        I guess different people are effected by depression in different ways, and it makes sense that for some people it would reduce their capacity to love. I definitely know what that feels like, being so depressed for a long time that you don't even care about other people (or yourself) anymore. It's like there are two types of depression, that in which you still have to capacity to care about other people and that in which you don't.

        That said, some people might be relieved from their depression by finding love (you could call that "dependency", but maybe dependency is just another type of love). Or maybe, someone could have fallen in love before they became depressed but their love was strong enough to endure the depression (even if it couldn't endure it on every level, or the relationship was horribly strained). Or maybe someone hates only a certain part of themselves, but they don't hate the part of themselves that gives them capacity to love other people. I could go on speculating, but in the end it's just speculation.

        Love is a complicated thing, and if it wasn't against my nature to give up trying to understand things I'd have long since given up trying to understand love. Even depression is a complicated thing, and it isn't always easy for me to know when I'm depressed and when I'm not and it's hard to know how love fits in with that for me personally or for anyone else.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          Maybe I'm being a pessimist. I just find that people can be so spiteful and inconsiderate of others when they are uncomfortable with themselves at least or hate themselves at worst. In fact, self-loathing is at the root of all kinds of hate. And it only seems to make sense. I don't know of many people (including myself, just to be real) who will make sacrifices for others when they are not willing to do so for themselves. Sure, 'love' is difficult to qualify. But when someone truly loathes themselves (i.e. the pit of depression), hate becomes an obsession, identical and inverse to love. When people hold onto hate (of themselves or anyone else) then it becomes hard to look outward and act upon these feelings you call 'love'.

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          • dom180
            11 years ago

            I think there's definitely a large element of truth in that. Maybe I'm just being an optimist :P I think I'm a weird case in that I value myself actually quite lowly, but I value other people very highly and would rather make a sacrifice for them than myself (although in a depressed frame of mind I might well not feel the same way). Maybe I'm not representative :P

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            • [Old Memory]
              11 years ago

              I guess you would be a more unique, complicated example. But I still don't think even your case directly contradicts the thrust of what I'm saying, when analyzed closely.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Dom e nom e no. I can't stop thinking of that song by Jessie J. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't interrupt your conversation. It's just you don't have Gold / PMing. I think you're cool! Comment back on this, or somewhere else if you don't want to go off topic and stuffs.

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      • dom180
        11 years ago

        Hi there, and thank you :) I've seen your comments around a few times too these last couple of days (welcome, by the way, although you don't seem like you're entirely new to IIN :P) and you seem good. I've also been told my name reminds people of this Nicki Minaj song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_-GiF77St0 before, but I'm a little more pleased by a comparison to a Jessie J song honestly. I don't have Gold because I haven't got a credit card, although when I'm 18 in a month I probably will and when I do then I'll probably have Gold. It's a weird thought that I'll be a legal IINer in a few weeks time; I think I'll miss being one of those damned youngsters there's so many angry polls about! :(

        And never worry about interrupting conversations. I like talking to people :)

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          Could you use a debit card? I am pretty sure that I can use my debit card for all credit transactions, and I get rewards points for everyday purchases without going through the middle man! I don't build credit though. It's too bad you can't just go to my bank, they'd love to have your business but it's local, and not in the U.K.

          How about everyone just thinks of that new Fall Out Boy song when they see your name? I think it's pretty good. I mean, your name doesn't have anything to do with dominoes, anyway, right?

          <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkIWmsP3c_s" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkIWmsP3c_s</a>

          And uh, if you want to be complained about I can complain about you... o.o

          Damn that face looks more like an owl... it was supposed to be like lolwut.

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    • davesumba
      11 years ago

      I've never heard that one, but I have heard that you can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself, which I can see some truth to.

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  • sograceful
    11 years ago

    Definitely possible, in fact I think it happens often. But it's probably easier to love people who love themselves (to a healthy extent) because they are often less manipulative or sensitive than people who aren't confident in themselves.

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  • Maya05
    11 years ago

    I love my girlfriend, but I hate myself. So yes, it is possible.

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  • DADNSCAL
    11 years ago

    No, because love comes from within, and if you don't love yourself, others will have no value to you.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    No.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It's possible.

    It's masochism, it's for the meek, the abused, the Christians, the Nazis, and the like. It can be for all of these reasons of none of them.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    I regard my life as nothing. I live to serve the community. Perhaps when my life is over I will go to the happy place in the sky. If not I can say I tried to be some use before my number came up.

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  • Btyou
    11 years ago

    It stresses me so much that this Demi Lovato worshiping white idolatry envelopes the nation racism on the Internet is nothing new but encourage by michael eisener and these fags. I'm sorry this happened to you. But these secret plans are true. I have seen photos priving the vision statement but Eisner literally wiped his ass with it to get rid of the evidence. Do some research america

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  • WAW
    11 years ago

    why u hate yourself?

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  • LizardSkin
    11 years ago

    Of course I've made a life out of doing this.

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  • Short4Words
    11 years ago

    Yes for sure.

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  • anti-hero
    11 years ago

    Yes.

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  • Dread-pool
    8 years ago

    yes.

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