Is it nornal that i still have urge to fuck my dad

My dad molested me all through my childhood but I always enjoyed it and dream about having sex with him all the time but hes dead. My mom never believed me and im jealous of her because she was sleeping with him too and i feel like he was mine. I have urges all the time and worry im gonna touch my kids inapproapriately because they are urges i always think about i think thats why ive always been a whore sleeping with everyone and always cheating on whomever ive been with. Ive been married multiple times and have no real friends because i can honestly say i lie and am a whore.
I drove my exhusbands wife away and she finally left him because she couldnt take my drama anymore i knew it would eventually work. But i wanted to drive her away cuz i want him. I cheated on him and had to tell him to get checked gor multiple stds when we got back together cause i had them so he left me and thinks im a whore and wants nothing to do with me but i still try to get him back we have 2 kids together so i know eventually i might succeed i drive all women away cuz i act psycho this last one was his wife and had a child with him too and finally left because all my drama worked. Maybe one day ill get him to have feelings for me besides all the hate for me or maybe im delusional.
I think of my daddy daily because he had me sucking his cock so young i have this huge ugly underbite i see every time i look in mirror so that makes me think of him and how much i enjoyed sex with him is that wrong? I miss him and all of it so much i used to touch my brothers too but they dont even want to touch me anymore so i start thinking about what else i could try. I am a miserable person and want everyone else to be miserable too...