Is it normal when people fake their whole persona

43% Normal
3 Comments

Hi.
I was wondering if it's normal to fake your whole persona? I'm a female high school student and my whole fake persona started when i first went to a "real" highschool. Because I was homeschooled for a few years and when i started going to a "real" high school, i felt like i dont know myself. I'm a really shy girl, when i meant shy i mean i'm REALLY shy. When i first went to highschool, everyone knew that i was a really shy girl, and it was hard for people to approach me since i didnt know what to say. And after awhile, I was labeled "good girl of the school" because of how shy i was and how i act. Little did they know that how i "act" is because of how shy i was, not because i was being nice. Once i found out that they thought of me as a "good girl" i went along with it. Since then and even to this day, i have been faking my persona and even my emotions. I always tried to act nice, kind, considerate, i help others, and all those stuff, but mostly when i do that, i dont really mean it or i secretly deep in my heart, i didnt want to do it. I just wanted people to see how "good of a person" i am since this "good girl" persona started.
I feel like it's like a duty for me these days because i started this persona like 2 years ago and i cant just drop it. And after all this "faking" i start to not know who i am. All i know is that im faking most feelings. Like for example, when a friend of mine cried to me about something in public, i tried to comfort her, act like i understand, ande act like i care when i really don't. I found it annoying that time because she cried over something so petty, and she could have cried privately with me in the bathroom, but instead she cried in the lunch table where everyone can see. I thought/felt like she just wanted attention and such and i found that also annoying. But at the same time, i knew i was benefiting from "comforting" her because people will think i'm a caring person. I have been also faking interests in conversations with people. I act like i like talking to them, but in reality i wanted to stop talking to them because theres something else better to do. And last example, i usually act like i'm the victim. Like one time, my male classmate and i chatted everyday for more than 6 months and he started having feelings for me and i did too, and he knew i liked him, but then my feelings started to fade. Then one day he said "i love you" to me, and to make the long story short, i broke his heart but i acted like it was his fault. When others found out that he got rejected, i told them that he's a good guy and i like hime but i rejected him because he hurt me emotionally and stuff, and that i wasn't ready for a relationship at a young age (which is sort of true but not really the main reason why i rejected him) and i acted like im the victim. And i even fake cried so that it'll look believable that i really liked him but i got hurt that's why i rejected him.
Yeah i do get benefits from this persona such as most people like me, people dont blame me if something goes wrong, and guys like me because i'm "trustworthy" and "understanding." But I'm honestly tired from acting someone that i'm not. But if i dont keep my persona, i feel like i wont be able to fit in, people will start to judge me, and i probably wont have much friends. I mean if i were to meet someone exactly like me, i wouldnt want to be their friend.

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43% Normal
Based on 7 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    High School doesn't last forever (even though it may feel like it at times).

    We all play roles in life. If you're forced to take on a role that feels fake, the trick is to keep remembering that it is only a role and not who you actually are.

    Now that you're a little more socially comfortable, maybe you could do a sudden transformation just to mess with people's heads.

    Yeah, people will judge, and high school girls are notoriously bitchy and judgmental, but do you really, truly care? As you say, it's all so damn petty. Most of them have emotions about as deep as a heat mirage on a desert road. I'm sure the whole hysterics in the cafeteria show was for the benefit of the audience, not because the girl was actually distraught. Are you really desperate to have people like that as friends? Aren't there other kids around who you - the real you - can better identify with?

    You clearly don't really care that much for the girls you hang with, and you really don't like the costume you're wearing. Seems to me that you have a choice: keep on pretending and living a lie for the rest of High School, or find a way out of your present clique and into a new one you enjoy more.

    Neither choice will be easy or simple, but that's just the way life is sometimes.

    While you are clearly finding things unpleasant at the moment, I get the feeling from what you say that you are fairly mature emotionally, and this may be part of your problem when you deal with kids who aren't. You may find the emotional detachment you feel weird, but I suspect you probably understand your own emotions better than many of your peers.

    Some of what you describe sounds to me a little like I do when I deal with my nine year-old daughter's emotional upheavals. While I have to be sympathetic and understanding because I'm her dad and she's just a kid, I also recognize that she's getting completely bent out of shape over nothing at all.

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  • SmokeEverything
    6 years ago

    That's a lot to read but it's more common than not for people to put on a persona to make themselves appear a certain way. It's not something I'd recommend, you're going to be a lot happier with yourself if you just own who you are and don't revolve your life around other people.

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  • KiwiWisdom
    6 years ago

    You're not alone. Wearing a mask and putting on a persona is a common part of society. Ancient philosophers have actually noted this as one of the stumbling blocks to people being better people.

    That being said, common doesn't mean normal or healthy. People will judge you regardless of how you act, but you risk much less socially blending in than being yourself. There's also no denying that being perceived favorably has benefits - but it is just an act and people get bored with it. If you're never being yourself, you just don't give yourself much reason to like youself. You're also attracting people who enjoy spending time with your persona as well, not necessarily you. Who better to comfort the dramatic hurt than the "good girl"? If they don't like you for you then what's the point of them? Finally you will start to actually lose yourself in your role, because that's what you've been teaching your brain to do - think breath and act like this is you, even when the disconnect is grating you. Heck, maybe sometimes you'll even genuinely enjoy being that "good girl".

    Being someone you like is going to be way more important in the long run than fitting in to people's idea of you. Long after high school you're going to have to live with yourself, you're still going to have people judging you, but now you'll surrounded by even more fake people. You need to decide if it's better to keep up the charade or admit you need a real change. It's why people babble (Or used to) about building strength of character. Some people would rather be fake than accountable, but if you're unhappy now I promise it won't go away. It's much better to like yourself than be liked by people you find unlikable. That includes liking you.

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