Is it normal to yearn for more, and what do i do???

I have been with my husband for eight years. He does have issues with forming emotional attachments, due to him being adopted out as a baby. He never met his birth parents until the age of 30.
Due to this (I am guessing), to show how much he loves me, he only shows it with money. He not only does this with me, but his kids as well. When he found his birth mother, this is what she did to him, too.
When it comes to showing affection, he seems incapable. I do heaps of things for him to show how much I care: I make him a coffee in bed every morning,and get his medication out every day. if he is sore or stressed, I give him a massage, if he cant sleep, I give him a head massage with lavender oil. And when we have sex, I make love to his whole body, "worshipping" him from head to toe.
However, even though I suffer from arthritis, and he can see when I am in pain, he never offers to massage me, its just too bad if I cant sleep, and, as far as he is concerned, because we own our own business, when I am stressed, he is too. I also suffer with burning feet, and I always take a shower prior to asking him to rub my feet. If he rubs them at all, he half-heartedly rubs them for half a minute, and I know he doesnt want to do it so it spoils it anyway. When we have sex, he doesnt kiss me lovingly; he is more like a goldfish out of water. When I have tried to guide him to kiss me like he means it, he has told me several times he is not in a "kissy" mood. He doesnt like giving oral sex, but loves getting it.
I truly love him,but just feel that I am doing all the giving, and he is doing all the taking. And if I stop giving, that wont fix it, as two wrongs dont make a right. I just have this deep need to feel loved and appreciated; to have someone make love to me instead of just having sex.
I have tried everything I can think of, and I do realise that him being adopted has left lasting emotional scars. I thought if I showed him how much i love him, that eventually he would start reciprocating. Maybe it is the ingrained fear of abandonment that is the problem. He has never admitted that, even though that is what I think it probably is. He always tells me how wonderful I am to him, and that my massages feel terrific. But, if thats the case, why would he not want to make me feel the same way?
Thanks in advance for your advice