Is it normal to wish your father to be dead?
My dad is a pretty good guy, when sober. He does everything for me and just about anything to make me happy. We always tease my brother about how dad loves me more. In a way it's sort of true, or at least the different ways he acts toward each of us makes it appear to be true. But my dad has beer after beer every night without fail and after two hours he is thoroughly trashed and becomes verbally abusive. He'll pick something small and turn it into a huge problem. For an example, he bought me a car for Christmas. It didn't have a CD player and I was kind of upset about it so I asked if we could get one. He said yeah, not a problem, that was easy to fix. That night I got screamed at because "I was an ingrate and hated the car and how when he was growing up no one ever bought him anything. etc." My mother, who always sides with my father, felt that he was being crazy. she told him several times there was no need to yell about this and that I never said I didn't like the car that I simply would like a CD player. (I have a love for music. It's my addiction. Both my parents know that so it was a normal, almost expected response, to ask for a CD player.)I really do like the car. I told him like a 100 times. But he gets drunk, makes up his own stories, and yells at everyone. It's horrible! I hate it because when he does things like this, it completely erases all the nice things he has done for me. I really wish sometimes he would just die. Is it me or am I right to feel this way? The worse part of it all is the next day he will remember everything he did and said to me but he'll believe that his version of the story was true. My mother tells me to ignore him but either what he says gets me so upset I out lash at him or I ignore him and he gets worse. I can't win. My mother is absolutely no help at all and when my brother isn't in trouble with him he usually "fuels the fire" so to speak. I think it's his way of getting back at me because dad is nicer to me than him, when sober. Any thoughts?