Is it normal to wish your father to be dead?

My dad is a pretty good guy, when sober. He does everything for me and just about anything to make me happy. We always tease my brother about how dad loves me more. In a way it's sort of true, or at least the different ways he acts toward each of us makes it appear to be true. But my dad has beer after beer every night without fail and after two hours he is thoroughly trashed and becomes verbally abusive. He'll pick something small and turn it into a huge problem. For an example, he bought me a car for Christmas. It didn't have a CD player and I was kind of upset about it so I asked if we could get one. He said yeah, not a problem, that was easy to fix. That night I got screamed at because "I was an ingrate and hated the car and how when he was growing up no one ever bought him anything. etc." My mother, who always sides with my father, felt that he was being crazy. she told him several times there was no need to yell about this and that I never said I didn't like the car that I simply would like a CD player. (I have a love for music. It's my addiction. Both my parents know that so it was a normal, almost expected response, to ask for a CD player.)I really do like the car. I told him like a 100 times. But he gets drunk, makes up his own stories, and yells at everyone. It's horrible! I hate it because when he does things like this, it completely erases all the nice things he has done for me. I really wish sometimes he would just die. Is it me or am I right to feel this way? The worse part of it all is the next day he will remember everything he did and said to me but he'll believe that his version of the story was true. My mother tells me to ignore him but either what he says gets me so upset I out lash at him or I ignore him and he gets worse. I can't win. My mother is absolutely no help at all and when my brother isn't in trouble with him he usually "fuels the fire" so to speak. I think it's his way of getting back at me because dad is nicer to me than him, when sober. Any thoughts?

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62% Normal
Based on 71 votes (44 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • vaprick53

    Been through that crap as well my friend. Sounds like your old man does all these nice things for you so that you in turn put up with all this treatment. More or less he's just buying you off so he can be a total douche. It's normal for kids to wish that on abusive fathers and more often than not they deserve it, but the best thing you can do is to put up with it until you move out and never associate with the bastard ever again. No phone calls, no meetings, Nothing and let him know before you go or anytime you do have to talk with him that you hate him for what he's done, and he never deserved you. Hopefully he'll die sooner rather than later with that knowledge in his head.

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  • RyuuJin343

    Well it's pretty common for most of the people... well i didn't wish him to be dead though , but i sure did wanted to yell and scream at him for good and i did it eventually, shutting my alcoholic father's mouth for good, although it can cause havoc in many situations i didn't step back anytime, i hail from a very very unimaginably poor family but still i am talented at many things, my father gave me many things when my mother was unable to but what horrific things he has done has permanently scarred his image, leaving a laceration that could never be healed... Well all these problems in numerous kid's life all due to this fuckin' substace alcohol...

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  • Pretty normal. Moms usually are the better parent. At leaste from my experience. My dad left when i was 3, and my sisters dad left them when they were ages 2 and 5.

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  • RandomNumbers

    Look, for what you said i can see your father really cares about you when sober, and i can see why you hate what alcool has done to him.
    Try to be far from your father when he drink, and you could start beggin for him to stop drinking when he get sober, say that is destroing you, your family and you hate it. Dont try to kill him, try to fix this

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  • I wish my father dead all the time. So far I have not had such luck. So for some people yes that's normal.

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  • akhoundmom

    Check out something called a drama triangle and acoa. I don't know the details of the cd player incident, but it's not important really. Probably better off wishing your dad to get help for his substance abuse than to be dead though.

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  • sheepeatgrass

    this is rong. i mean my dad sometimes annoyes me but just think of life without him. it makes me cry, you dont know what ive been through

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  • Joyless

    Buy your own CD player?

    Oh and AA doesn%%u2019t do shit. You%%u2019re just as likely to quit without it.

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  • orlybro

    Never wish death on anyone, in my own opinion. No one and nothing deserves death. You don't have, neither does anyone, have that right to judge who deserves and who doesn't. I think it's pretty ridiculous wishing your dad to die because of just yelling at you over a CD player in your car. Try talking to him about his drinking when he is relaxed and sober. You can possibly have an intervention and have your family look into AA meetings. There is nothing wrong with getting help if you think you've done everything you possibly can.

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  • Let's see - your Dad buys you nothing less than a car for Christmas - but you find a reason to criticize him.

    OK well I think your Dad probably drinks too much, maybe. But your Mom has enlisted you to criticize him for much more than that.

    So he is left high & not too dry, with all these efforts and caring activities he's done and a whole lot of critisisms. Hmmm... ever wonder why he drinks to feel good?

    Pick your battles sweety. He cares. But is imperfect.

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    • By imperfect I mean he has a drinking problem. Separate the gift and love, from the problem.

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      • OK - I have probably misread some of this - but please go here:
        http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

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        • littleone20

          Ollieo
          Thank You

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