Is it normal to wish death upon...

45% Normal
8 Comments

Is it normal to wish death upon your step father? Especially if he never sexually, mentally or physically abused you?I feel incredibly ashamed and guilty about feeling like this.
In a nutshell, I hate my step father and sometimes wished he where dead. I suppose I better explain why.

He was absent most of my life. It's a strange situation because he provided food, shelter and the other bare essetensials but he was cold, insensitive and angry. I suppose I resent him for what he didn't do. And my mom talked shit about my dad all the time (basically she ranted about not getting her enough money, spending money, etc. She was a housewife for a short while) to me, so I guess I got this negative images of him since I was young. On top of that, he hated my brother and treated him like crap. Almost gave him a bloody lip. So, whenever he acted out, hating him made more sense; it was justifiable to me. Here's the tricky part.

Recently, he was diagnose with a mental disorder. He was also sent to the hospital several times( something tragic happened). That's when he supposedly turned a new leaf.
Because of this, he quit his job, because of this he's on disability.

Now my mother is the bread winner, barely having enough money for the week. I hate how he spends all day watching movies and in front of the computer. I hate all the grief he's caused us. I hate how he still hates my brother.

Yeah, he's sort of friendly now but I still hate him. I sometimes think life would be better without him. My mom, siblings and my life would be better without him.

I don't what to think anymore. Is this normal?

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45% Normal
Based on 64 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Ya, it's normal to feel angry about the short-comings of the adult authority figures in your life. Not all adults make excellent parents but they end up having children anyway. Have you told him how you feel? Have you talked to your mum about it?

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    • valeris
      11 years ago

      I've told my mom numerous times. As for my father, no. How does one tell somebody that you hate them, or rather, very angry.

      It's too uncomfortable.

      Thanks for the comment

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Well, you don't tell them you hate them or even that they make you angry because it sounds too much like blame and most normal people rarely enjoy being blamed for anything. Ask yourself this: do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

        Instead, you could tell him that you are upset by the "whole situation" - be very careful not to place blame on him, even though that's how you feel. Tell him some of the things you do think he's done right; try to show him a little empathy (he is sick, in his brain, and that IS a legitimate way of being sick, whether it is convenient for everyone else or not). If your father still seems open to discussion at this point, then bring up your brother and tell him that you'd wish he'd go easier on him; tell him that it hurts you to see your brother and him not get along. Give him the opportunity to explain himself without your judgement of him.

        If ^this^ conversation goes well, then the next time (give it a week or two) you have a meaningful conversation with him, bring up your own personal issues with him - again, without making it sound at all like blame; keep the focus on you and your feelings.

        I'm not saying this WILL work because I've never met you or your father and I don't know how either of your typically acts or reacts (all I have is a brief description of events from your perspective). If approaching him with kindness and empathy fails to improve understanding between you, you may just have to reserve this conversation for another time when you're a bit older and he's a bit healthier.

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        • valeris
          11 years ago

          Thank you.

          I'll give it a shot! :)

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  • XiaoLou
    11 years ago

    It's normal. I have a friend who wishes the death of her step-mother, although her step-mother is a very kind person. Almost all sons/daughters feel this way whenever their parents remarry.

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  • JuliusE
    11 years ago

    "ALMOST gave him a bloody lip." LMAO! How do you ALMOST give somebody a bloody lip??? Hahaha

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    • valeris
      11 years ago

      I'm glad you find my brother's misfortune funny.

      Let me restate that, he did give him a bloody lip when he grabbed his face hard while scolding him.

      So, if you have no advice or nothing constructive to say, please don't reply this.

      Thank you

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    move away when you are able

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