Is it normal to want to see my ex 5-10 years in the future?

86% Normal
14 Comments

There was this guy I was with for a good year and a half. I ended things awhile back because he was going to not apply to his dream college in order to stay near me, and I loved him too much to let him sacrifice his future for a girl (even though that girl was me) who probably would not be sticking around for college. It broke his heart and mine, but it was for the best.

He was the one person I truly loved. I still love him, and I think I always will. Sometimes I think about how I would like to see him in maybe 5-10 years to see how he turned out, maybe pick back up where we left off only this time with a little more wisdom and experience. I know it is unlikely that we would get back together. I only hope he would forgive me and understand that I did it so he wouldn't hold back on chasing his dreams.

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86% Normal
Based on 14 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • Udi's_Anal_Juice
    8 years ago

    I don't understand the whole "break up to go to college" routine. People who do this act like they are NEVER going to see that person again. My wife and I maintained a long-distance relationship for 3 years of college! Did we "see" other people? Sure we did. Nothing serious, and nothing that ever got physical, at least that she has told me and I have told her. I did have one girl that I met along the way that I would have liked to have had a further relationship with, seen where it went, but, that girl had just gotten her heart broken and wasn't ready to commit, and, I still loved my GF (now my wife), so, it worked out, and I have NO regrets!

    My wife and I agree that, if you looked all your life, there are probably thousands of people out there in this world you could love, be compatible with. This "soul-mate" stuff is a bunch of crap, or, I should say, there is more than just 1 person out there for you. But, you find one you really love, and, you stick with them!

    Shit, when my wife and I were away from each other decades ago, there was no internet, no cell phones, no skype...we wrote LETTERS, by hand, back and forth. My long distance phone bill was HUGE!!! We got to see each other about once or twice a month, on weekends, and, then, there were breaks for summer, winter, spring, so, all in all, we managed. And, trust me, whenever we did meet up, it was like the 4th of July!!!

    She was 2 years behind me in school, and was a computer science major. That is a VERY demanding study, and, she focused herself on school, she got straight A's. I graduated and went to work, and trust me, I was TIRED after working all day.

    Anyway, you go find this guy, share with him EXACTLY what you shared here. Tell him you were wrong, and then, use all the electronic gizmos out there to stay in touch.

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    • IINtobeonthiswebsite
      8 years ago

      It's like De Ja Voo all OVER again!!!!

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  • Tonzo_Eatsalot
    8 years ago

    This story sounds like you're one of those idiots who thinks real life should be lived like a movie script. Broke up with him so he could pursue his dreams? Doesn't even make sense.

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    • PinkHairedFreak
      8 years ago

      I wasn't a big fan of his priorities at the time. I thought he should concentrate on getting the best education possible rather than a girl, and he said he wanted to, but he didn't show at he was committed to the idea. I offered to help him with his applications and such, but he refused my assistance.

      I was also scared he would find some other girl at college. We were 100% good when we were in each other's presence, but it could be really difficult when we weren't together because we didn't talk enough.

      It doesn't make much sense looking back on it, but it seemed to make sense at the time. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

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      • IINtobeonthiswebsite
        8 years ago

        To me, that all made perfect sense. Fuck what Tonzo said.

        You did something admirable, maybe not in the best way possible, but, you did what you did, there is no way to "undo" it.

        What you say, I am sure, a LOT of people go through.

        Communication is the key to any relationship, especially long-distance. If nothing else, if you just learn that, you are way ahead of the game!

        Look, you did what you thought was right at the time, you have had time to think about it, your feelings for him haven't changed, I am sure you have done some maturing, it is nice you want to get back with him. Any dude in the world should feel special, no matter how hurt he was back then. Again, pain is part of life. He SHOULD pursue his education, but, that doesn't mean you have to put your personal life on hold. It just means you have to make priorities, and, school must come first. But, you can make it work!!!

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        • PinkHairedFreak
          8 years ago

          Thank you for the confidence. (:

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      • Crow
        8 years ago

        You should have respected his want to stay near you for college. Your ex probably did weigh up his choices and if that's what he liked, that's what he liked.

        Don't literally show up on his doorstep. There's a chance he won't even be at home, plus, you could shock a potentially negative reaction out of him if he is at home. Give him some time to think about it. There's always a possibility that he's already dating someone else and that he already moved on from you.

        Send a letter. Don't expect anything back. Try to stay calm while you pass the time. Maybe link this IIN post?

        Good luck, anyway.

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        • IINtobeonthiswebsite
          8 years ago

          Crow is 100% right. He may have moved on, or is at least dating someone else. You don't want to walk into that situation. Even if he is with someone else right now, your letter may be the motivation he needs to end that relationship and come back to you.

          Best thing you can do is give it time, and, don't get nosey about what he has been up to SINCE you broke it off. Any girls he's been with are inconsequential at this time, and likely, he did find someone on the "rebound". But, that shouldn't stop you. You just might have to wait until the time is right.

          First time I met my wife, asked her out, she was already in a long-term relationship.

          I didn't forget about her, just moved on.

          About a year and a half later, saw her again, she had broke up with him, she was not seeing anyone, I wasn't seeing anyone, we fell in love, FAST. It was meant to be.

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          • PinkHairedFreak
            8 years ago

            I was going to go with a letter anyways. I am better at organizing my thoughts on paper. I know. I wouldn't blame him or get all nosey about other girls because I did go on a few dates with a guy myself. (I learned I really just missed my ex rather than actually falling for the guy.)

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  • IINtobeonthiswebsite
    8 years ago

    I don't understand the whole "break up to go to college" routine. People who do this act like they are NEVER going to see that person again. My wife and I maintained a long-distance relationship for 3 years of college! Did we "see" other people? Sure we did. Nothing serious, and nothing that ever got physical, at least that she has told me and I have told her. I did have one girl that I met along the way that I would have liked to have had a further relationship with, seen where it went, but, that girl had just gotten her heart broken and wasn't ready to commit, and, I still loved my GF (now my wife), so, it worked out, and I have NO regrets!

    My wife and I agree that, if you looked all your life, there are probably thousands of people out there in this world you could love, be compatible with. This "soul-mate" stuff is a bunch of crap, or, I should say, there is more than just 1 person out there for you. But, you find one you really love, and, you stick with them!

    Shit, when my wife and I were away from each other decades ago, there was no internet, no cell phones, no skype...we wrote LETTERS, by hand, back and forth. My long distance phone bill was HUGE!!! We got to see each other about once or twice a month, on weekends, and, then, there were breaks for summer, winter, spring, so, all in all, we managed. And, trust me, whenever we did meet up, it was like the 4th of July!!!

    She was 2 years behind me in school, and was a computer science major. That is a VERY demanding study, and, she focused herself on school, she got straight A's. I graduated and went to work, and trust me, I was TIRED after working all day.

    Anyway, you go find this guy, share with him EXACTLY what you shared here. Tell him you were wrong, and then, use all the electronic gizmos out there to stay in touch.

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    • PinkHairedFreak
      8 years ago

      I almost want to do that, but it's been months, and the whole breakup was a big mess of tears and anger for both of us. He did harass me on social media for most of June and July. Eventually, he confessed to wanting to hurt me emotionally.

      I don't know that he would welcome me back right now.

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      • IINtobeonthiswebsite
        8 years ago

        Well, you'll never know if you don't try! Risk it, what do you have to loose? At least you'll know, and, won't waste any more time just wondering about "what could be".

        I don't like the part of him being mean on social media...I mean, I get it, but, not on social media.

        My GF (and now my wiife) broke up with me for a short while in college. It was weird too, because, it was the one year we actually were to be together at school, and, as soon as I got there (she moved in early, which they allow freshman and new transfer students to do), she was already breaking up with me. It only lasted a few weeks, it seemed like an eternity.

        Long story short, I was devestated, hurt and then angry too....I think there is a normal progression of emotions we go through after a breakup. I don't mean to come down on your BF, had there been social media, I think I'd have been tempted too to do the same...I dunno. I got some solace from a friend who knew the guy she left me for...he told me this dude was a real dork, a red-neck...not that there is anything wrong with being a red-neck, but, my GF (now wife) is anything BUT. I really didn't see what she saw in him, and, deep down, I think I kind of knew, give it time, she'll be back. Sure enough. One day, "knock knock knock", there she was at my door. We went through a lot of emotional stuff, she told me some things about her she had never told to anyone before...it brought us closer together.

        Anyway, forgiveness is the key to any good relationship. When you do see and talk to him, that is the first thing to ask for. And, in turn, he should apologize for the way he treated you too, but, you need to understand, you broke his heart, hurt his ego. For a guy, that is really really tough, their pride gets bruised. They are actually worse than women when it comes to that.

        Now, maybe he'll not forgive you, maybe he won't want to come back at all, or, maybe you'll just be platonic "friends". Then again, even if this does happen, maybe someday, he'll realize that you WERE the best thing that happened to him, and, come around...hopefully, if that is the case, you are still available, and havn't been swept off your feet by another Prince Charming!

        Either way, life is far too short to wonder "what if". And, whatever pain and anguish you go through to find out if you can get back together, it is far worth it versus spending a lifetime of wondering "what if...". Don't do the "what if" game. It is torture.

        The best thing that can happen is, no matter what the outcome, you will learn a TON about yourself and relationships, and be ready to handle things much differently the next time the right guy comes along, be it this one or someone else!

        Believe it or not, you grow up, mature, change emotionally. All part of tthe process.

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        • PinkHairedFreak
          8 years ago

          Hmm I think I will see him. Should I just show up on his doorstep? Or should I send him a letter first?

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          • IINtobeonthiswebsite
            8 years ago

            Sorry, was off doing other posts.

            A letter is a good start. But, don't expect a reply. Send the letter, give it some time, then, go show up.

            Do it right away.

            Be short and concise in the letter. Don't blame him for ANYTHING! Apologize, tell him how much you think it was a mistake to ever break up, that is was your fault, and that you'd like to see him again, look forward to seeing him and discussing your relationship in person. Don't tell him you plan to come see him unannounced, but, I'd at least do that if he doesn't respond. Then, you at least have a starting place for the conversation. And, I'd send it as a hand-written letter, not an email. Too easy for someone to say "I never got your email, musta gotten lost", plus, a hand-written letter is much more personal.

            But, doesn't he come home at some point? Maybe you can plan to see him then, if it isn't too long from now.

            As for him seeing other girls while at school. You have so little faith in him and yourself? Come one. There are other guys at home too, right? Who knows what either of you are gonna find in the future, you may not last forever, or you might. Take it one day at a time. My advice would be, if you DO get back together with him, keep the relationship on a POSITIVE note at all times. That doesn't mean you might not ever disagree, or have an argument, BUT, never leave angry....saying "I am sorry" is the BEST thing you can do in ANY relationship, not just long distance ones.

            You should also let him know how you feel about him, often. Tell him you think you are lucky to have found him, how good you think you two are together, both now and in the future. You got to remind people of why you are together. Then, when you are together, find special things to do, try going someplace you have never been, or doing something you have never done. Then, later, you have things you can reminisce about. Keep a photo album to look back at on occasions. Don't be that crazy chick that keeps an elaborate scrap-book that takes hours to compile and yanks it out every time you get together, just, something simple, and, look at it together every few months, or, on a special occasion like your anniversary.

            My wife and I still look at pics from when we were first together, it reminds me of how hot she was, how much fun we had, and why we are still together....so, that, when she does things that PISS ME OFF, I can remember why I fell in love with her in the first place, and, that life is full of twists in the road....not everything is gonna be smooth sailing.

            Anyway, I'd love to find out what happens. Keep letting us know. Good luck!!!

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