Is it normal to want to pursue this?

73% Normal
10 Comments

I have been married for 16 years and have stayed with my husband through his countless affairs. I have been friends with a guy for 20 years,there has always been an attraction between us but the timing has always been off. Anyway I was messaging my friend to arrange to meet for drinks when he started getting very flirty with me,I really enjoyed the attention and before I knew it we were arranging to meet up for more than a drink,no strings attached. It felt so good that someone wanted me after being told for years by my husband that no-one else would so I went along with it,even started to look forward to the meeting. Then I got a message from my friend saying that although he wanted me that he didn't feel right because I'm married he didn't feel he could do it to my husband (they have never met). I told him that I understood his position. Since then all I do is think about him and wonder how it would have been. I have to stop myself messaging him to ask if he feels he made the right decision. I know this sounds like desperation but my marriage is so unhappy but I cant leave as it would devastate my kids to leave their father. I just wanted some NSA fun with someone who notices that I exist.

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 45 votes (33 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Polan
    11 years ago

    It's normal but you're downgrading yourself to your husband level.Best is divorce first then start something new.Having unfaithful father isn't a good role for kids anyway.

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    • lilobelle
      11 years ago

      I know but I cant leave,he'll find me!He's always said that if I left God help me. I've managed to keep his indiscretions from the kids for now,they have no idea how their father treats me but I know that if I left he would find me and make anyone thats with me leave. He pursued me for ages and now he's got me he doesn't want me,I dont get it as he doesnt want anyone else to have me either,dont know how much longer I can hold on. My kids have become my life but they adore him,he may be a useless husband but he's a fantastic Dad. So I suppose my best bet is to let him carry on with his affairs and just put up with it. Thanks for the advice though x

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      • q25t
        11 years ago

        It sounds a bit like you need a divorce AND a restraining order.

        "He's always said that if I left God help me."

        That's definitely a red flag.

        Think of it from a different perspective. His cheating is obviously making you unhappy? If so, that unhappiness is probably affecting your ability to parent your children effectively. He may very well be a good father, but you have to consider the negative effects as well.

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  • moomus
    11 years ago

    This^^^^ and of course it's natural to feel wanted, after what he did. He sounds like a bulky u should be rid of....

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    So sorry for your pain and troubles, but I am sure many would love you attention, you just need to take the steps to move on, if truly you are miserably

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    "stayed with my husband through his countless affairs."

    Why?

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    • lilobelle
      11 years ago

      Because I dont see what other choice I have,I explained more in a reply above x

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    • shuggy-chan
      11 years ago

      That and where is this NASA fun?!? Space camp? =D

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  • Monkeybutts
    10 years ago

    I am very religious and I am all for working it out with your husband but this is not the case here. It sounds to me that your husband is abusive. If he is indeed abusive then seek help immediantly. Being abused can come in many shapes and forms. It can be mental abuse, emotional abuse and physical abuse. Neither are healthy and if someone is abusive you should not be with them. God will understand! I have grown up as a child in an abusive home and I know that people don't change... It is not that they cannot change but sometimes they don't want to or they don't choose to. Your husband needs to get some serious help with his abusive behavior. If he is abusive it is not your fault that your marriage has failed. He has even cheated on you which is adultery and even more of a reason to get a divorce. No one should be married to someone who takes advantage of them and then abuse them... Not even the most religious of people should ever have to deal with such abuse. Do not cheat on your husband, DO NOT. Get a divorce first, get to safety first and then when its all said and done if your friend is still there then date him. I know you have kids but its best you be a role model to your kids by showing them how to stick up for themselves by sticking up for your own self. Show them whats right and wrong and show them your morals. Your kids are in danger too, I know of many people who was in abusive relationships and the kids got murder as well as the mother. Don't think becuz there his kids that he won't hurt them. My own dad who was abusive would beat my mother and if he accidently hit me while hitting her he would pick me up by my shirt and sit me on a pile of clothes (i was a baby). You might not be going through that type of serious abuse but if he is threating you like that then you don't know what he has up his sleeves. Get out of that relationship now, its not healthy. Don't question if he is abusive, yes he is very abusive. He puts you down, cheats on you and theaten you. That is abuse and that is wrong. That is not love and that is not a healthy environment to raise your children in. Show your children real love by getting a divorce and meeting someone who truly cares about you and your family.

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  • AbeLincoln
    11 years ago

    It sounds like you're not asking for real relationship advice, but rather permission to cheat on your husband.
    If you believe what he's done to you is wrong, than doing it to him is also wrong. By no means does that mean that you have to put up with that kind of emotional suffering.
    YOU DESERVE BETTER.
    If you really want to stay with him, put your best effort into working on your marriage. You need to let him know how unhappy you are, and that you won't stick around to be treated like garbage.
    If he doesn't get the message, leave. An unhappy marriage can be just as harmful on children as a divorce, and trying to hold things together through your misery might not be as good of an option as you think it is. The bottom line is that you need to take of yourself, and if the marriage is destructive AND really can't be fixed, leave him with the divorce papers and go fuck that other guy.
    (However, if you're facing a potentially dangerous or abusive situation, I'd advise you to get real help outside of 'is it normal')

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