Is it normal to want to move out but not split up?

44% Normal
8 Comments

Hello all,

I'm 24 and with a woman who is 42. We've been together since I was 17 and have a 6 year old together and she was my first sexually. I feel unhappy because I haven't accomplished goals I want to achieve and have never lived on my own. I want independence and personal growth and I feel restricted in our relationship because I've never had any experiences like that to base from like she has. I feel resentment and anger when I don't have options available for what I think is best for me. And I don't want those feelings to get worse and make me an unhappy partner. I've ALWAYS put others before myself. I think its my turn to think about whats best for me. She is very upset about this and declares that I'm just doing it to break up and she'll never let me see my daughter until we go to court if we do break up. I feel a bit controlled and manipulated in that sense also. Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 39 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • PsychoNikki
    13 years ago

    No, you're perfectly normal and quite frankly I think it's very inconsiderate for a 35 year old woman to take advantage of a teenage boy. When I say "take advantage of" I don't exactly mean sexually, but emotionally. She had no business trying to tie you down and start a life with you before you'd even had a chance to start a life for yourself. I'm sure she's probably attractive and her experience and allure drew you in, but it isn't fair to yourself to stay a moment longer.

    At 24 you shouldn't even have kids, let alone a family. You should be just starting out in your career, or in graduate school, living on your own, hanging out with your guy friends and chasing girls. Ok, so maybe chasing girls isn't for you, but a few passionate or mindless flings are certainly your due.

    She's a manipulative aging woman afraid of loosing her plaything and rather careless about her child. IF she REALLY cared she wouldn't threaten you with the loss of your daughter for noncompliance. The only kinds of women that use their children as pawns are the pathetic kind who are only out for themselves.

    She's trying to tether you too her like she owns you, you don't deserve that and you have a right to make something OF yourself FOR yourself without her say-so.

    Move out and leave her NOW. Get a lawyer and fight for your daughter. The courts are nearly half as hard on men as they used to be and her being so much older and expected to know better will now go in her favor.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      -PsychoNikki: I do feel that way, she says things sometimes like "well you wanted a family" and i think in my head "i was 17, i didn't know what i wanted back then" you know? I don't want to split up with her, I want to understand myself better and grow up in some sense because being in a relationship so young and so fast made it extremely hard to live up to the standards of an adult, and some responsibilities that i should be appreciative of, i'm not.... Like when your out of highschool, in highschool, you hate it or you hate classes or something like that, and years after, you realized you should've worked on highschool alot more. That kind of concept. I feel that i need to be on my own to grow up in that sense.

      -pmon, I left it in my locker next to the chains and whips. I'm not some softy bitch looking for another woman to control me. Not how I meant to come across.

      -DefinitelyNotNormal89, I'm just trying to get my shit together so I can experience the world, but there is a big difference between on your own or with someone else.

      -TyLee, Passing judgement so quickly....I'm a great father, always have been, always will be.

      Have you heard of the term transference? Transference is where emotions leak over into other situations without your control. You get pissed at work, that causes you to act like a jerk to your friends... etc. I have desperately worked on not being angry and resentful towards my daughter and my wife while being in this unhappy position. I don't blame them. Not at all. But I can't make their lives miserable because I'm miserable. That's not fair to them or myself. Which is why I'm back to - i just need to move out for a while.

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      • DefinitelyNotNormal89
        13 years ago

        You seem to have your head screwed on, like you said you were so young! Moving out for a while may be the only answer to saving your relationship? You seem like a good father, I praise you for that and I wish you all the best =)

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  • TyLee
    13 years ago

    You had a kid with her... You need to deal with that responsibility instead of running from it.

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  • DefinitelyNotNormal89
    13 years ago

    Well said PsychoNikki!

    As if she's using your daughter against you!
    You haven't lived at all, I'm guessing as soon as you got with her she pretty much got pregnant? I don't want to start a family until I'm about 27, I want to travel the world and live a little, I feel sorry for you =(
    Go with your heart, she can't stop you seeing your daughter, you may have to go through court but the fight will be worth it.

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  • pmon
    13 years ago

    Tell her that you want a hallpass

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  • joelsmo
    13 years ago

    You are with a woman who obviously is very controlling. She is treating you more like her son than her husband. You need to sit down and really think what you want in this life. Moving out is usually not a good step unless you are ready to end this relationship. If you do decide to leave go immediately to a lawyer and get some sort of parenting agreement in place. She has no right in the world to tell you that you cannot see your child. Maybe you can sit down and talk with her, go to counseling, or maybe you should go, you are the only one that can decide that. Whatever you do, don't let her bully you around, maybe you need to stand up and be a man and not her boy.

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  • helenjewett
    13 years ago

    omg. if you were having sex with her at age 17.. she's a pedo..

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