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Everyday (usually in the evening) I have an extreme urge to kill myself. I have tried a few methods, but I am obviously still alive.
I've had depression before and it's like what you describe. Get medication and therapy. In 6 months to 1 year most likely you will be able to turn around your life and have mostly happy thoughts each day. Good luck and be well!
The reason I am still alive is because I usually don't have a method available and when I do I either can't use it or am afraid of getting severely injured rather than dying. The reason I am suicidal is because of crippling self loathing and having a big urge to kill myself at my lowest moments.
It's not normal, but I've been there before. Go See a therapist, maybe they can help you in the long run?
My doctors think I have a chemical imbalance so i'm on medication for depression But I have to say life is great when you don't want to die. I was suicidal for six years and now I wake up in the morning and get excited about the day. It can get better if you are willing to work for it.
Have you tried gratitude exercises? Studies have found that doing a simple daily gratitude exercise is very effective in mitigating major depression, it's pretty interesting:
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/the-amazing-way-gratitude-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness.html
Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy is also effective, but the gratitude exercises are super easy:
Write down 3 things you are grateful for once a day for 21 days. They don't have to be big things, anything is fine. The effect is significant, and long lasting - the people in the study followed up after 6 months and said the effect was continuing.
That's it
Me too, i usually attribute it to my environment. My brothers can make me anxious, i have many things going on in my head at once. Anxieties, insecurity, just a feeling of being trapped and hopeless. Everyday is a repetition that i just have to grind through. So every now and then i'll have these 'what if' questions in my head.
You might be tired or hungry if this usually happens in the evening. Lay in bed and feast on cereal.