Is it normal to want to kill?

5 Comments

I'm a 19 year old female, I just went to college so I've pretty much left my house and I live in a completely different country than my parents. Ever since i turned 16 my mum feels more and more comfortable in confining in me which I'm so happy about and grateful. However, everyone in the family now dumps everything on me, while I'm away at college making it difficult to study and when I'm back home for the holidays. My mum dumps all her issues on me, how she's physically tired and can't clean the house everyday anymore so I make sure that I do all the washing, cleaning whenever I can to try and reduce the load but it never seems to get better.. Other issues between here and my father, if they argue I know and I try to give the best advice. If anything in the house breaks, malfunctions my mum stresses out and takes it out on me. This goes for my father too with all his issues as well as my younger brother (17 yr old) who I dedicate alot of my time helping him out with his IB assignments at school and proof reading his essays. To you I might sound like I'm ungrateful or I'm not trying to give back. I happily do it but I've reached a point where I feel helpless and tired of it all. I can only take so much and on top of that I also have my life and my problems like every normal human being does. Just imagine having to deal with all your stuff + 3 other family members who's well-being affects yours + college work + friends (the usual). I feel so helpless.. Ever since last year the thought of suicide has come to mind but I'm always like I'd never do that, it would devastate all those who love me and I'd be selfish but now I worry for my own health.. I don't know what to do anymore. I've become so emotional, bursting out in tears at night and not being able to sleep. I just don't know anymore.

Yes 8
Happens to me 11
It gets better 10
No 7
Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 5 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You don't come off as selfish at all. It does sound like your reaching a breaking-point and you need to start establishing some boundaries with your family.

    Your parents should not be using you as a buddy they can vent to, to relieve the burden of their arguments. If they start to talk about it again with you, tell them it makes you feel uncomfortable and you don't want to have that conversation with them. Keep telling them until they stop or leave the room if you have to. They should know better. You are their child and no matter how old you get, you are not there to give them advice on how to live their lives happily.

    Unless you actually still live at home, stop doing your mum's cleaning for her while you're in school. It's just an extra responsibility that you don't need while you're focusing on your school-work. It doesn't matter if she is unable to cope with it, it's her house and she needs to take responsibility for it.

    As for your brother and helping him with school; proof-reading is not something you should help him with all of the time. He needs to learn to proof-read his own assignments because that is what will be expected of him in college, and life for that matter.

    [You should change the title of your story because it doesn't seem to relate to your story. I thought this was going to be about murder, not a stressful home-life.]

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    You don't sound selfish or ungrateful at all, I would say selfless.

    Tell your mum when she is burdening you with her problems, maybe ask her to write them down for you so she still gets to vent but you can skim them at your own pace.

    It's good to be helpful but you can't help if your burned out.

    Maybe next break you could take a holiday.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Short&2thepoint
    11 years ago

    Tell them all to fuck off. No joke, i've had to do it to my family. You're your own person now, tell them all you have a life and to get their own shit figured out, you shouldn't be a crutch. It's bullshit when a person has to do that for a family.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • blake0449
    11 years ago

    just take one thing at a time and chosse wich is more important to YOU and go from there make a plan set goals and strive forward dont let anyone stop you from continueing ur plans and your goals cause it is wrong! holidays are there for breaks not to go do more hard work and unless your mom is phisiclay unable to clean then it is great your helping her but if it is because she is lazy tell her that you have too much to do be respectfull she is your mom DO NOT TELL HER TO F OFF!but if this is a mental state of being stoping your mom from makeing goals in her own life she needs help if she needs it get it if accesibale to her I AM NOT A THERIPIST I AM A 12 YR OLD PLEASE DONT ASK ME HOW TO DO THERAPY CAUSE I DONT KNOW EVREYTHING!i may be a gifted student but i do not know mental or phisical therapy!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • me.my.gf.and.u;)
    11 years ago

    that makes two but every time they get me mad n say shit to me n blame shit on me i all ways go out n smoke weed it helps out n feel better so every day i buy 20 n 30 sack thats the only thing that can help me out a lil with all the stress n all the enger n my bestfiren she is like my sis but i call her mom but yea ur not the only one i was sent to the mentel hospital 4 trying to kill my self n when i whent i got lil crazy started to here a voice told me to get out n try to play the cards right n i whent 2 days later told me to kill n idk i felt like killing every one so igot knife n shank some one alots of times he got send to the hospital n bearly made it alife

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1