Is it normal to want to end a long distance relationship?:(

91% Normal
15 Comments

Okay, so i have been "dating" this guy for over a year now. But the relationship is long distance. Its so hard and difficult to maintain. we have kept it up and running and pretty strong for awhile now. it just seams lately that it is failing apart. We argue about a lot of things. It feels like its Going down hill. I just dont know what to do. It breaks my heart that im considering to end it. We have love, trust, and lots of communication, but he is a lot older then i am and we just dont seem to see eye to eye on the important things. Therefore making situations difficult. We have almost broken up but i never follow through becuase somehow i get roped back in or feel obligated to stay. He wants a relationship forever and ever and never wants break up/ devorce and this is my very first relationship and i have never really dated someone so seriously. its really hard and different. i want to do all of these things like go on trips and see old frineds and possibly join the military and he holds me back and tells me not to be selfish. So i cant do the things i want to do. He is a controlling and serious person i think. I am a very carefree and a free spirited person and i want to live my life and do what i want! I am young and have a whole life ahead of me. This relationship really isnt something that is helping that situation. but i think he is selfish for not letting me do my ambitions in life and for always seeming to "controll" me. and he seems to minipulate me as i think about it more.

I just dont know what to do!!!
I think I need to find someone closer to my age and that we have the same free spirited mentality.

But anyway, i feel deep down in my heart that i should not move on with him in my life. Am i being selfish? is this normal to think like this? PLEASE PLEASE help me!!! I'm so in dire need of help right now.

Voting Results
91% Normal
Based on 76 votes (69 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 15 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    He tells you not to be selfish? Woah. You're allowed to go on trips and see friends and join the military. It's your life, you do what you want to do with it. I'm saying this because you are not married to him. You don't have children with him so he should not be saying things like that about you being selfish when you only want to live what you desire. He is the selfish one.

    You may love him and have been together for a year but the distance hurts. Him already controlling you like that and you're not even living together should be a big warning to you. Imagine how he would be if you lived together? I think you should end it, yes it will hurt but you can do whatever you want to do with your life without someone controlling it.

    I think you need to end it correctly with him. Tell him why it's not going to work out (don't leave him in the dark about why you want to end the relationship) You go live your life, do the things you want to do with your friends as a career and hopefully you'll find someone along the way that will be great for you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
      -
    • fishbowllover
      12 years ago

      VERY well said

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
    • ifonlyuknew247
      10 years ago

      That first sentence is the same one that went off in my head when I read this. And the rest is a much better expressed version of my thoughts. My full agreement is with you and fishbowlover - very well said.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Oh honey, all the answers you're searching for are right there in your description! =D You have it all figured out, you just need the strength to follow through with it. You ARE young and have your whole life ahead of you. He IS selfish for not wanting you to fulfill your dreams. And I'm surprised and disgusted that someone who's older would try and keep you from enjoying your youth! Someone like that should know more than ever the regret that comes with not doing all the things you want to do while you're still young.

    I am not saying this to hurt you, I am giving you my honest opinion- please, PLEASE get rid of this guy. I can't stress it enough. He will rob you of your youth, your carefree childlike nature, and if you don't you will end up looking back on your life wishing you had the insight to do this sooner. Please, be young, enjoy being young, travel and have fun, and don't let something as flimsy as this long distance "relationship" hold you back from living your life!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • fishbowllover
      12 years ago

      So very true!!! Thank you:)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • pooItoy
    12 years ago

    you're answering your own questions in your post. You DO know what to do. You just have to do it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Greyslip
    12 years ago

    Momonator has said it all. Go with that advice.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Dump him pet. You are far too young to commit to one person and if you see his faults after one year, he'll drive you mad by year two and you'll dump him after year three - but that's after you've wasted a lot of time on him!

    A relationship should make you happy not miserable! Do yourself a favour and find someone decent, or being on your own sounds even more preferable.

    Wish I could relive my life again!!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    First of all your description is FULL of inconsistency.

    You say it's full of trust - yet he tries to control you. Where's the trust in that?... sounds more like he doesn't trust you at all.

    You say it's strong - yet you say it's hard to maintain, and you feel obligated to stay. If anything it sounds more like a chore than a strong love.

    It sounds like you really need to take a long hard look at this relationship.

    I mean yes, relationships DO take work but... BOTH sides have to work. It can't just be one person barking out orders forcing the other one around all the time.

    Seriously, consider what you're really getting out of this relationship. Talk to a counselor even.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • fishbowllover
    12 years ago

    The age difference was... Dramatic I was 17 at the time and he was 26

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • rockie2014
    12 years ago

    If he loves you, if he cares about you, and if he cares more about you than HAVING you, then he'll let you go and he won't hate you for it. Sometimes, you can't have both and you have to choose, and sometimes you have to think of yourself. If you feel controlled, then it's not healthy for you and it's not healthy for him to be able to control someone. If it's not right, leave.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • mumbum
    12 years ago

    Be free! Be free! Be free!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    he's comfortable he probly thinks hes doing it right, its a hard one cause things could get better, warn him first maybe have a heart to heart

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • alv1592
    12 years ago

    Pretty much agree with Momonator. Sure long distance relationships can work, but he's being selfish by not letting you live your life the way you want. I suggest you tell him how you feel, and you probably should end it if you think it's not working out. Just curious, what's the age difference and how far apart do you live?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • crackdispenor
    12 years ago

    just suck on my dick instead

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2