Is it normal to want to die when...

So over the last 3 weeks it seems my life has seemed to hit some type of dark spiral. It all started June 30th, 2011 with my roommate moving out… However, this was just no roommate, he was my ex… we lived together for almost 7 years and have known each other for almost 9 years. So when he left abruptly, it was a piece of my world taken away. I am not one who cares about property, so the things that he took don't matter to me. I am now left behind with little belongings and the three dogs. Later that night I end up going to the ER because of some serious pains in my stomach and back and I pissed blood. They wanted to admit me because they said I had an ileus in which I declined and went home.

Back to the ER.

They ran every test in under the sun in which all came back negative BUT still felt horrible. I was in the hospital for a week. My friend sent me a text asking me to be a pallbearer at his grandmothers funeral… in which I said yes... Then, on July 7th, I was watching the news where they were talking about an accident… I didn't think anything of it… until the next day I get on Facebook to post on my buddies page and to see all these RIP post… it was my friend in the crash and he passed away. I was released Friday. I was told the funeral for my friends grandmother was Friday but thought I missed it. It turned out that the funeral was Saturday… I went to work instead.

I had to say goodbye to my friend and see his 2 year old son that looks just like him… I am no good at saying goodbye. My phone is shut off because by ex roommate/boyfriend shut off the account. I still feel like crap and lost almost 20 lbs.

On Wednesday I get a text message saying my friend died in an accident. He was swimming, dived off a dock and broke his neck. They found him 10 minutes later face down in the water. Later I find out he is not dead but in ICU.

The next day I get a letter from my doctor saying that I need to call my doctor. So I give them a call… I am placed on hold, I am transferred, and placed on hold again. When I was in the hospital, they did a biopsy on my stomach. The biopsies showed lymphoma. - Pause - This was about the time when everything slowed down and has been in slow motion since.

I get a text. My buddy is being taken off life support, he is brain dead, Friday is the last day I will be able to see him alive.

I go to work thinking I can handle it. it went smooth and went to see my friend before they pulled the plug. I see him with all these beautiful people around his bed side. I sit there and I see him… I think to myself he doesn't look real. I look outside his hospital window and just break down. I start balling to the point where I couldn't breath. Not because of just my buddy, but at that moment... I was willing to sacrifice my life to save his.

God has a sense of humor… Wonder whats next… with all this BS around me… I just wonder whats next