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The past few months I've been considering ending my life, but only here recently I've been interested in dying in a very painful and different way... The reason for this is because i'd want to see how my mind and body would react to dying or intense pain.
Pain is not fun. I regularly experience excruciating pain which brings me to my knees.
If you have such stupid and delusional fantasies about pain then you don't know a damn thing about real pain.
Okay, I'm not going to attempt to persuade you from ending your own life, I don't know you or what you're going through, and if you're actually considering it there is really nothing i can say that would convince you otherwise. Now about the dying painfully part, I also want to die in a traditionally horrible way. Most people say they want to die in their sleep, me? I would rather be shot and bleed out, or something to do with trauma, definitely a murder, i'm not so much into the dying peacefully thing.
Going to sound freakish, but have had the same idea for as long as I can remember (not wanting to end my life though, just how you'd want to die). People mostly say they want to die in their sleep or sedated and so on, but I'm quite convinced there on't be anything after "life", so I'd want to experience the very last moment in the most intense way (and as I expect the nerve signals will stop coming in just before the fading I somehow imagine that I'd be happier anyway that it all ends)
Sounds stupid and naive, and might very well be that I'd be shitting my pants now if I only would actually know how horrid something like that would be.. Don't know, and don't know when or how it is going to end either. Doubt I'll be able to post any feedback on how it went though ;-)
PS: if you are interested in how your mind and body reacts to intense pain, you can try that out without the dying part! From what I've heard, book a pane to australia and seek out those Irukandji box jellyfish of only 1 cm in size. Apparently insanely painful, and the experience makes you feel like you are dying, or hoping you are dying. Extreme suggestion more as a joke, but there are loads of other ways you can experience gut wrenching agony without dying. Might change your perspective and might not be a bad idea before planning your gruesome suicide.