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Totally depressed. Unemployed for nearly 5 years. Have a long term relationship and fell in love with someone who I'll never have.
That's a pretty vague description of why you are depressed. You say your in a relationship but love someone you'll never have. I'm guessing they are 2 different people and you are confused who you want to be with. You didn't give many details.
The unemployed thing isn't specific either. Do you have other income? I haven't worked a real job in a long time either and have never held a job more than a few months. I get ssi though and live for free although it hardly pays anything but it's not bad.
People are too desperate for things society tells you to do which is completely stupid.
Do what makes you happy regardless of what other people think. Live life how you want. The biggest regret most people have on their death bed is that they lived doing what other people wanted instead of for themselves. They wasted life working and searching for a non-existent soul mate instead of enjoying what time they once had.
I don't mean to sound cynical, but your life is screwed. Seriously, if I had your life I think I'd off myself as well. Unemployed for 5 years, that's a recipe for no future and eternal misery.
I look back at the times I've been exactly there, and relfect on how many things I would have missed, other people I love would have missed, and the wonderful people who wouldn't even exist if I would've finished the job.
But yes. Depression is normal.
Death isn't the answer. That's just like turning the light off in a filthy room - no matter how dark it is, the room is still filthy.
Wanting to die for such a reason is disgraceful! There is close to nothing in this world that you can't comeback from. You just have to want to badly enough.
That's kind of you to say (if you are being sincere). Thank you. Although I still think the reason you want to die is disgraceful. Not to invalidate your troubles, but you sound like someone who has it better than a lot of people in the world -- drug addicts, sex slaves, children living in abusive households, the homeless...you get the picture.
It's like bugsforbreakfast said; you have people who care about you, and help you (and you have access to the internet - a great tool to help you get ahead, if used properly). There are people who don't even have that much. Millions don't even have a place to call home. Be thankful for what you have - those people would give anything to have what you do.
Also, I read above that you need a job now -- have you ever thought of going to a temporary job placement program? That might be enough to get you by until your other job is ready for you.
In order to change the way you feel, you must change the way you live.