Is it normal to want to be dead to your family?

I think it's understandable that you feel that way after everything you've been through. But remember you don't have to make any permanent decisions now. Take a much needed break from them and focus on making a better life for yourself. In the long term, you never know how things will turn out for everyone. Sometimes people do change for the better. Even if it seems unlikely now, I wouldn't completely give up on that possibility.

It's normal that you feel this way. My family is crazy and dysfunctional. They've caused me so many problems. I've been verbally, emotionally and occasionally physically abused. They also seem to have a odd obsession with my body, but thankfully it is only some of them. I can't forgive for how much they've ruined my life. I've been planning that once I graduate from college to get a restraining order against them. I don't want them to ruin my chances at having a successful professional career and finding someone that loves me. They're so controlling! I don't want them to contact me. I don't want to have anything to do with them ever again! I have some family members that like me fall into the black sheep category. One member got fed up with their bullshit and "disappeared" for a while. The first day, they were talking about calling the police. They called her non-stop and even went to her house only to find out that she had sold it. I think they called the police before the week was even up and my relative responded after about four-five weeks. Looking back on what she did, it was brilliant and very brave of her. The family has always seemed to disregard her and when she got back in contact with them, they really treated her like shit. Saying that she was being silly and immature,etc. I feel bad for her. I would like to move far away them. Move to europe if possible. I want to put as many miles between us as possible.

I have friends, but most of them don't know the shit I've had to deal with. I told one about some of my problems and she was understanding. Maybe you could talk to someone like a therapist or a close friend. Someone who will be understanding and caring. I suggest you get a restraining order against them. That way if they call you or try to stalk you, then you could get them arrested. You might even be able to take legal action against them because of your abuse.

I may or may not have had it as bad as you, but I still get what you're going through.
Good Luck and stay safe:)

why are you pushing away those who love you? Isn't that what you are seeking?