Is it normal to want to be anorexic again?
Hello all. Currently, I am 5'1'' and I my weight alternates between 105 and 108 pounds. Before the weight loss, I weighed 140 pounds. The weight gain has been an issue since I started taking psychiatric medication at age 17 for bipolar disorder. After skipping out my medication occasionally because the weight loss was bothersome, my doctor gave me Topamax along with my regular medication to control my weight. Consequently, I am the weight I am now. I personally would like to look like I did in high school, before my diagnosis and all the meds. I was the same height, but I shifted between 92 and 95 pounds. I really do think I looked better then. At the time, I would only eat one meal a day and ran cross country. But I still had a lot of energy. Some part of me thinks that I'll look better than I do now if I lost another 10 pounds.
Currently, my friends yell at me if I don't eat as much as they do in group settings because they say it is obvious I am being picky. It annoys them. They say I am very skinny, though I don't exactly agree.
I think these mind battles regarding my weight have to do with the fact that girls who hit on my boyfriend are very rail thin... And the fact that my mother likes to tell people I am pregnant when I weigh more because she thinks that will prompt me to hit the gym...