Is it normal to want out!

68% Normal
8 Comments

Over a year ago, I posted my story about my mother-in-law living with us for 16 years and how difficult it was. I was to the point of walking out of my marriage. Well 1 year ago, she moved out but lately she has been calling my husband that she wants to come back. He is the only child and I know it is very hard but I can't go back to the way things were. We have been married for almost 17 years and we have 3 wonderful kids- 2 which are now teenagers. We started really young. I am a hard working mom and I love my husband. He is a great father and husband, no complaints but when it comes to his mother. I love his mom for being a great grandmother to my kids but she is very difficult to live with. Nothing is ever good enough for her. I mentioned that she has been gone for almost 1 year and it has been great. She has always lived with us not us with her. My husband and I have been fighting alot lately because he wants her to come back and feels like he can't say no. I feel awful but refuse to go back to how things were. I don't know what to do. Yesterday I told him that if she moves back with us that I will walk out on him. Is that so bad of me? I just don't understand what kind of a mother would put so much pressure on her son to where she would end his marriage. I know it is hard for him because it's his mom and he is the only child. I have kids and I love them but they have to be independent at some point and live their own lives. I will be there for them but I don't want to live with them or depend on them. Desperate!

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 47 votes (32 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Millie_the_evil_saint
    11 years ago

    Really, it's very admirable of you that you held out that long: sixteen years of living with a difficult mother in law. I'm impressed. But sadly, I can't say it will go easier from here...

    Your mother in law will get older one day. She won't be capable of working anymore, maybe she'll not be able to walk or need round the clock assistance some day? Try to see it from her perspective: she's old and alone. She doesn't have a loving husband. And the only person she has (her son), is slipping away from under her fingers. She's raised him, spent so many years teaching him, caring for him. And now she feels (perhaps wrongly), that she has nobody anymore.

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  • BayVerlyHayles
    11 years ago

    Im a Mom and I can understand where you're coming from. I like my mother-in-law but I would NEVER live with her, EVER! Your husband should understand he's a grown man who should be capable of drawing a line with his family for the sake of privacy! She's lived with you for 16 years and you've been married for 17?! Wow, she could atleast rent a place nearby or something. You don't want to extend this a further 16 years do you? Tell him you two need privacy and that he's old enough to be a bit more seperated from his Mother! YIKES! I can't imagine being in your situation!

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  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago

    This is why mother in law apartments are great. You likely don't want to move, but maybe if you found a space that allowed her a private entry and kitchen attachedto the main house, you could find a happy compromise.

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    • seeking
      11 years ago

      That does sound great but she has no job and no income coming in. She moved in with a friend to help with her disabled daughter but things went bad. Now she has no where to go. The problem is that she doesn't want to work and she is still capable of working. When she lived with us, she paid no bills and rent. And we paid her to drive our kids to school and from school. Our son now drives and the kids are older where they don't need a babysitter. She was always in our business and we couldn't have people over because it would bother her. It was bad!

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  • seeking
    10 years ago

    She isn't old. I don't consider 61 being old at all. I have thought of the day that she will be very old and I can deal with that but I don't understand why now. She can work and have her own place. She isn't alone. I have never told my husband not to help her out, never. I understand she is his mom and she raised him. I have 3 children of my own but I am saving for retirement. I don't want to be a burden for my kids and if they choose to take care of me fine and if not, at least I will be financially okay to support myself at whatever age. Kids grow up and have to live their own lives. It doesn't mean that you have lost them completely. I would do anything for my kids but I wouldn't want to be the one who ends the marriage.

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  • annm2361
    11 years ago

    Tell him put her in a home if she can't cope on her own or get her granny flat. It's not fair u av done ur share and she ain't ur mum so he needs to put his own family first which is u and kids not her she needs her own life.

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  • Skitzo1
    11 years ago

    Im an only child, i just pray that wont happen to me! But at the end of the day, older people are hard to live with, grit your teeth and get on with it. Use her to your advantage and you and your husband go to a hotel for a few nights a month, have some hanky panky, dinner by a pool, wine in the bedroom etc. Well, then again dont listen to me, im 20 HAHA! i wouldnt know how that works really. But nah, dont leave, you wouldnt want your husband to walk out if it was your mother.

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  • suckonthis9
    11 years ago

    It would be far more advantageous to help her find a new place to live, rather than inviting trouble back in.
    Negotiate with your husband, as to what is a comfortable distance.

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