Is it normal to want my step daughter gone?

This is rediculous the same thing happened to me and my stepmom and it is your responsibility to have a talk with your step daughter but it seems like you are more interested in creating a new family than keeping the one you have. It seems like you already have your mind set on what you're going to do and I think it is wrong.

Get your step daughter away from her true mom, you should prove that the real mom is unstable and that it is not a good environment to live in. That way you can get full custody and try to help your step daughter. Whatever you do do NOT leave the kid with her biological mother!

Well the point is you married him knowing he had a daughter. Now that you're married to him no matter how she is acting you cannot just up and leave her to run off and raise your own family making her feel like an outcast. It's his daughter. Parents can't just up and leave their kids when they are being naughty. It doesn't work that way.

If she was a dog you could just dump it at the pound but it ain't so bribe her with gifts & things.

My dad married my stepmom when I was 10 and she successfully pushed me out of their lives. I now have a 6 year old son who doesn't know his own grandfather because of her! I know you want a perfect little life with your husband and new baby but you are messed up for wanting to shove his daughter out of the picture like that. She deserves to have her father in her life whether you like it or not. Don't be selfish.

ur babies going to be evil if she grows up around that girl, move away and get her on occasions but not often.

Instead of wanting to give up on her maybe try the opposite and show her a lot of love and caring and a safe, happy home. Show her stability and be the one who looks out for her total well being. You have to remember that she's going through a harder time than you-her parents have split up!! It kind of seems like you're taking out your bad feelings for her mother on her. The child didn't do anything wrong, she didn't ask for this situation. All kids are difficult to some degree. Since you're pregnant, that means you're stuck with this guy for life now so you've got to find a better way of dealing with this situation instead of just wanting to give up. Maybe you should try counseling, it can't hurt. This is a very common feeling to have and there's plenty of help for it-and I pretty much guarantee you no counselor is going to tell you to shun the kid, that's just not an option since you're married to her dad!! Good luck!!

That's his DAUGHTER. Need I say more?

With so much fighting at the girl's house, why didn't the CPS take her out of this home?

That said, I can see where you are coming from. This little girl seems to be very problematic.

Now, she has reasons to be that way. She lives in an aparently very unconfortable place.
There is a good chance that she actually likes it beter at your place but can not show it because she knows she will have to go home again soon.
She knows you have her daddy all the time and she only for a short time...

I do not know your family situation first hand and I am no child psychologist, but I am myself a child of divorce.
I know that both, my sister and I tested the new man of our mother thouroughly, trying how far we could go with him
And we also pulled the "you are not our father"-card.
My tip in those instants: Draw the line, make clear that you do not want to replace the child's mother, but also that she is right there and now in your house and should follow the rules of this house. - And make sure your husband backs you up!

Otherwise: I know it is hard, I know you wished it was easier, but please do not convince your husband to move away very far and leave his daughter behind.
With what you have told about her home-life, she realy needs him.

If there is a way to get rid of her, and eliminate her presence from your home, please do it. We all start off with high hopes, then we hit the reality wall of dealing with issues that have nothing to do with us. The divorce or separation of the step kids parents have nothing to do with the new spouse (unless the dad was cheating with you) We meet this wonderful person years after a divorce and these kids are mistakes that our spouses made before they met us. We are in losing positions from the start, we are looked at as evil. We

You should work on developing a stronger bond before the emotional rift becomes too large. Children think in terms of "Nice or mean" and from there on they decide whether they like you or not. I know it's funny to say the complete opposite of what you want but you should spend MORE time with her. BE the safe place that she can come home to and eventually she'll start thinking of you as "nice". Show her that you're human, that you can do amazing things, and that you can teach her how to do amazing things. All that sappy movie stuff actually WORKS. As for disobedience never use the words, "Don't make me get your daddy to spank you!" It automatically puts the child in a defensive, "Like hell he will" attitude. Do it yourself. Women's spankings are usually nicer.

No matter how rotten a child is acting a strict FIRM control of the situation and kindness (not sympathy) is the right solution.

Teach her how to draw, how to reach, or ask questions about things she likes to do and eventually she'll actually see that you genuinely care. "What do you like to eat?" "Here, try this new food!" "Let's do homework together." "Get away from the TV and let's go to the park together." Put her in situations where she HAS to recognize you as a human rather than a monster in law.

That means you actually gotta be TOUGHER than the mother because I sense that you're going to be in alot of pain. When your step daughter tries to push your boundries you better push back or you're never going to be able to stand up for youself. Don't give in. Show her how to treat your future daughter with care.

And no it's absolutely normal to hate bratty children. Usually proper reward and punishment systems can balance them out. I tend to correct my americanized cousins of manners with a swift gentle kick in the backside. Smack her hands, shock her mentally, but honestly a good tanning of the hide will fix anyone who spits on you. If my nieces or nephews did that I'd being hearing from my aunt as to why I did that to her children. If my nieses start smarting off to me I smart off back to them but I make sure they understand my limits to where I won't tolerate it.

Also, I'm going to shock you by quoting your own words. "While we were dating, HIS daughter..." "not wanting THIS child in our lives..." "We would like to move out of state to be with my family, but HIS daughter".

See my point? You're foisting your problems off on your husband. He's YOUR Husband and SHE'S NOW YOUR DAUGHTER. Do you really think a MARRIAGE will work if you avoid the problem and refuse to accept her into your life?

Here's a hint. Children will do things just to see how you react. Seriously, they'll poke/spit you with a stick and see how you will react. If you go, "OH GOD I CAN'T handle this, RAAA RAAA" then that's how she will see you from then on. Natural curioisity works that way with children. If you were to react by scooping her up by teasing her about the spit by wiping it back on her shirt. (Yes, it's mean but if the child thinks it's funny she won't see that it actually hurt you).

If YOUR daughter..

Yea, take responsibility for her and it will be easier to forgive some of the problems because YOUR OWN NATURAL BORN DAUGHTER/son WILL BE WORSE. You're thinking in a way that's natural. My child. His monster. If you ever read that. QUIT ACTING FAVORITES RIGHT NOW AND TAKE HER AS YOUR DAUGHTER.

OMG WHATS WRONG WITH YOU? She is what nine and you think shes horrible cause half the time she lives in a house where she can get killed. And the other half is her daddy remarried and the mom doesnt want anything to do with her I mean i would be a brat too. her life absoloutly sucks shes not wanted i bet yoiu grew up in a perfect home and dont want her in it right its got to be picture perfect for you! WELL WAKEUP cause life isnt like that. She is probably goin to end up commiten sucide thanks to you! GOD I CANT STAND PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

Well any idiot can see that this young girl obviously. You should want to help her not kick her out and send her to her mothers where all this crazy stuff is going on. And last you should feel like a complete ASS for saying all these mean things, she is a child and you are an adult, and as an adult you should be morer then willing to want to help this little girl and help her succeed in life. Who knows God may have but you in her life fora reason and all your doing is bitching about it. Shame on you. Think about it what if you were in her shoes and had no where to turn to, your father was married to another women and your mother and her crazy boyfriend are both out of control. She has no one to go to...If i knew this little girl i would try my hardest to give her all the love and care in the world.

really do NOT leave that girl with her mom! i mean obviously shes acting horribe because she lives with her mom and boyfriend who violently fight all the time and you said the boyfriend tried to kill the girl right? i'm sure that poor child will just end up dead if you leave her there, you should take her with your husband and the baby, i mean maybe after getting away from her mom and mom's boyfriend she'll start to change? i'm sure she will since you even said the girl's mom even tells her to act mean to you

That's his daughter and leaving her behind makes no sence. That's like moving into someones home and then kicking he owners out. He's the father and he needs to step up, and do something about. And okay cps won't do anything so take it to court get full custody and turn her life around. Oh, and don't be so selfish.

I don't think she should live with her mom, that will make the situation worse and it doesn't sound like that its the best for your step daughter either.
What you need is some time with her by yourself, maybe out shopping or something and have a good old heart to heart with her, yes she's very young but it won't hurt her to know how she treats you is making you sad.
Tell her that you love her dad and her and you want to be in both their lives but it's difficult when she is being unkind to you.

he should keep his daughter and get rid of you =D

I agree with honestop. It's his child, you have no say in if he leaves her to be with just her mother. Even if she is a brat. She is just a little girl.

I agree with you, The Kokugan. Just to prove how out of control and no respect she has for me, I'll share what happened this week....
She's been spitting a lot, all over the place, like a 3 year old. Spitting on things, getting things disgusting, etc. I told her she needed to stop because it's disgusting and she's 8..So! She decides to spit in my face and to continue to spit. Later on that day we were at my inlaws house and she was holding her cousin, who's only one and a half and she started violently shaking her. Shaking her worse and worse, not listening to all of us yelling at her. I'm deathly afraid to bring her around my baby. That can easily kill any baby. To make matters worse, when I told my husband that she spit in my face, he just didn't care. He's obviously on her side. I'm in SUCH a difficult place right now!

All you have to do is keep treating her with kindness and love despite the negative way she is acting. Prove her mother wrong by being super nice. She will form her own opinion when she feels that you are still the same nice lady that you were before you married her daddy. And kids can smell fakeness from miles away, so make sure to keep it genuine. Eventually, her mother's bitterness will subside too, just give it time and don't be provoked into any arguments.

Whether or not you should move is a decision you and your husband need to make together. There isn't a right or a wrong decision, but obviously you two need to make one. Then dedicate yourselves to it 100% even if it's a decision made with a lot of compromising.

Jubi, they've only been together 2 years. The daughter is still like only 9 or so. Is there really a big differ between 7 & 9? No. The other posts are right. You can not leave her esp knowingly leave her with an abusive family. That's like abandoning her at a time when she needs extra love the most. I understand you say she's difficult and you acknowledge that she's under influence from her mom. However she was well mannered before. I'm sure the poor girl is trying to find her place, a safe and loving one at that. With her father being recently remarried with a new baby on the way and an abusive mothers home, she might feel a little lost. I suggest you do not put anymore distance between her and her father. I know it's always easier said then done but love her to death and I'm sure in the end (even if it is years and years to come) she will love and appreciate you for it. Along with being a better person as well.
Don't forget after the baby comes I'm sure normal sibling jelousy will happen. It took my son about a full year to 100% adjust to my baby. Just stick with it no matter what. She's his daughter. Best of luck.

this happened 2 me only i was the step son by the time it ended they were divorced :(

Soccer person, if you read correctly, she was 7 YEARS AGO.

Yea that's his daughter. Either have him take control of the situation or ignore it. U can't leave that poor kid at her moms house and move away. She needs help. She is only 7. And yes she shouldn't act that way. Teach her

Get the daughter away from the mother. Look, I've been in the same situation as the daughter. Except my step mom did slap me and call me stupid because I "wasn't as good as her children" because I didn't play sports and was a bookworm. Treat her nicely, and be good to her. She'll figure it out eventually like I did.

Keep her AWAY from your new baby! Do not leave them alone together. also, ^ A-perfect-circle iz right!

Yes, you're right. It wasn't like this before we were married, but I do know she's his daughter. It's very difficult for me. I had to tell him I've tried the family thing for so long only to get spit in my face...pretty much when we have her, he can spend time with her. I can't deal with her anymore. But he can all he wants.

I agree u sound like the wicked step mother even if she's difficult, get Nanny 911 or something she's just a little girl leaving her would make you an absolute terrible person!