Is it normal to want everything and nothing at the same time?

53% Normal
3 Comments

I've been dating someone recently who seems perfect for me on paper, but isn't terribly satisfying in reality, and I'm not sure why. Lately I find myself struggling between wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. I have this ex who keeps fading in and out of my life at random... I'm like a moth to a flame whenever he's around (which I constantly beat myself up about because he is unreliable and never treated me very well) but I have this weirdly unshakable, chemical attraction to him for some reason. I'm not an insecure person, and I'm not the type who likes guys who aren't good to me...but I can never seem to shake him. A few months ago I started seeing this new guy, and at first everything was great. I thought I'd finally found the person I want to be with...and then my ex (who had been absent from my life for months) re-opened the lines of communication, and shortly afterward, I started noticing things about the new guy that bothered me. I'm not sure if this is directly related to the message from the ex, or if we just got to that point of being comfortable enough for him to actually be himself, and I don't like him as much as I thought in the beginning. Either way, I don't want to be with my ex but I can't help craving his attention, and I don't want to be with my current boyfriend but for some reason, breaking up with him feels wrong. I'm not sure what to do and I'm spinning in circles with anxiety over the whole thing. Is any of this normal?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 19 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • Fall_leaves
    8 years ago

    Breakup if you're already having doubts about the relationship. If you don't like him as much as you thought you did then you're just wasting your time. I doubt it all had to do with your ex, it happens sometimes the more you're with someone the more you realize they're not the one for you.

    Breaking up with anyone feels wrong, especially when there's no clear reason why. It's obvious though that you're not over your ex yet. I'm not suggesting you get back together but I definitely don't think you should stay with someone you're not completely happy with.

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  • Redcoats
    8 years ago

    There's your problem, you're still in contact with your ex, which is spewing toxic thoughts into your new relationship. My advice, cease all communication and cut all ties with your ex. Write him out of your life completely. You'll feel better. It won't at first, but you will feel better. I promise.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Sounds to me like you have a broken picker. How about you take a break from dating to work on yourself? If your only reason to pursue dating is because you're lonely then I predict you will continue to have these problems. Learn to enjoy your own company, develope your character and raise your self esteem as a result thereof.

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