Is it normal to want a romantic relationship with my brother?
I've been a loner for most of my life. Any friendship or relationship I've been in has fallen apart in a matter of months. Even recently, my boyfriend broke up with me giving no reason other than that I was "just someone to hold on his arm." I'm not sure if I don't have enough character, I'm not open enough, or if I really am just that uninteresting.
All along these, what can only be called 'let downs' in my life, I've always gone to my brother, who is 2 years older than me, for support. He was always kind, caring, and genuinely cared for me whenever I was upset. We were always close growing up. Though, a bit after I hit puberty, my feelings for my brother became more... Intense. Whenever I was with him, I'd feel warm and giddy, like what it feels like to be in love. Of course I shrugged it off and tried dating and spending my time with other people, but as it often led to disappointment, I always found myself crying to my brother again. Sometimes I would even ask to cuddle or sleep with him if I ever was particularly upset.
One or two years later, I found myself becoming more interested in my brother. As I matured sexually, I found my mind wandering toward him in ways I've never thought to before. At first I was absolutely disgusted by the idea, but as time passed I felt more comfortable, and even excited about the idea. I've hinted at the idea of a relationship or physical contact with him and he was more receptive that I had expected, but then again, he could have just as likely been joking.
Now I'm 18 and I've just graduated highschool. My brother is in college and still lives with me. I don't know what to feel or do, but I feel like I'm truely in love with him. I know that this likely isn't normal, but I don't know how, or if I even should, confess my feelings to him. I just feel I need some advice because I feel so many conflicting emotions that I just can't figure what to do.