Is it normal to try and forgive my parents to move on?

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6 Comments

I have so much anger within me from all the hurt I received during my childhood from my parents; particularly my father. I am now in my 20's and still suffering from all the psychological damage in ways more than one. I am truly sick of being angry all the time, and I no longer want to suffer.

I want to move on but it is so difficult to authentically forgive them. I mean, how do I go about forgiving them? My mother has apologized in the past but forgiving them does not make me feel any better...

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 25 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • FireWorks
    12 years ago

    There's always things to forgive every single day. I used to hate my stepfather for the things he's done to me. I hated him to the point I felt like he had to die first for me to forgive him. But during those hateful years, there wasn't a moment where I felt secure. My hate toward him had become a burden for myself.
    I've forgiven him and will always forgive him for anything. The awkwardness is still there but the hate is already gone. Hate doesn't bring anything good to me. By learning to forgive, I also learn how to love. I've never felt as carefree as I've been feeling for these past two years.
    It might be hard to forgive someone but it doesn't mean it's impossible. Try~ =)

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  • FireWorks
    12 years ago

    How are you and your parents now?

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  • FireWorks
    12 years ago

    Oh and you don't have to wait until someone apologize to forgive. My stepfather hasn't apologized to me. It's because he hasn't realized he'd done damage to me psychologically. But it doesn't stop me from forgiving him. =)

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    • marginal_nomad
      12 years ago

      Thank you for your advice. I will try my best to forgive him, to let go of the hope that he will change...

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      • FireWorks
        12 years ago

        I'm glad to hear that but please, do not ever let go of the hope that he will change. I myself am still holding on to that hope. Yes, it isn't easy and there are times when I feel like I'm hoping for nothing, but this is the thing I know for sure: the time I lose hope is the time I stop forgiving him. And I just cannot do that. I will not go down that painful road again. So here I am, still holding on to the hope no matter how impossibly small it is.
        When you said you'll let go of the hope, I slapped myself mentally. You just reminded me not to let it go. I have to go through it so one day when my stepfather finally changes, I can say "Been there, done that. If I can, so can you".
        And I thank you for that.. =)

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I'm in my 40s and feel the same way. I only managed to forgive my dad when he was dying and I saw him as an old man. My mom is still rotten to the core so I don't answer her calls anymore.

    The only way to heal yourself is to stay back from them until you are stonge enough. Enjoy your friends so you don't have to think about them for too long.

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