Is it normal to torture yourself this much?

Do some hard physical labor and it will help you sort through your thoughts. Like build a garden or make a stone path using stones you find. Plant a garden. Build a bridge over a stream. Focus on something you create.

hey dude.. c'mon.. there are so many things in life that u need to be grateful of..
cheers.. just hang out with your friends, watch cartoon or comedy movie, go on a vacation..
then u will feel better.I know its not as easy as it says, but just try.. have fun a little.
:)

i felt the same way after i watched earthlings

sometimes it's important to listen to sad music and watch sad videos to let your feelings out. You should also deffinately talk to someone, probably a friend who you can trust. Then talk to them online so it feels less real and it's easier to talk about it.

maybe you should try doing the craziest things possible, that yo want to do and have good fun, then you might get attached to being happy and forget about the treumatic experience XD

I agree with the person who says you are stronger than you think. It sounds like you are either trying to keep yourself in a distressed state because moving on from something traumatic might not seem appropriate for what happened or that you are trying to find worse things to afflict yourself with so that whatever happened to you won't seem so bad or that you are trying to desensitize yourself. I thing you should talk to somebody. You deserve to get over this. You deserve to be happy again. And you can be. It is okay to move on.

You are just grieving take it from a jaded person u learn to deal with it

You're stronger than you think.

Yes, any strong emotion sensations can be addictive - especially self-pity.

i think its normal im kinda the same except iv had quite a few bad things happen in my life i watch disturbing videos and dont even feel sad about it. I changed after the last bad thing happened aparantly and tbh i think i have too but i like who i am. I used to be a noisy little good boy and then about 2 years ago i guess something just happened now i do things against the law and now just dont care about sadness or being angry but i still do crimes. Anyway back to the video thing i watched a video of someone cutting off someones head in real life i could see the person get his throat cut and then seen him gargling with blood coming out of his neck after he died they hit his spinal cord and his whole body moves and tbh i laughed a little. Then again i have been told something is wrong with me and have an apointment with docs to see if i need put away lol and whats even funnier i dont even care about that lol

i have absolutely no idea what to think, if this is normal or not. :/

Just listen to rap music, like Eminem and Devlin, and think what they've been through. They both grew up in really rough areas and were abused and traumatised. They rapped and it made them feel better. It makes me feel better too. Just reflect on what's happened to them in the past and what's happening to them now. Good things come to those who wait, Trust me.