Is it normal to torture an animal to death, then cry when it dies?

When I was 10 I tortured my pet turtle by filling a container of hot water from the sink, as hot as i could make it, then dump the turtle in there because I found it so psychologically fulfilling to watch it squirm and swim really really fast because it was in pain. I would also hide it in dark tight spaces to scare it for hours, then let it out and it was amusing to see it's reaction. I had 3 turtles. I took the smallest cutest one and kept it as my own, separate from the others because it was special. However, i kept it in an isolated container under my bed and forgot about it as i still went on my daily routine of feeding the other turtles. A few weeks went by, that little turtle died. Then I cried because I loved it so much and my precious pet just died. Even though it was all my fault.