Is it normal to think this way about my girlfriend?
Okay, so... recently I found out my girlfriend had slept with a lot of people (she told me). We're in our early 20s and it's pretty high for her age... I don't believe in that moronic thing where I can sleep with a ton of women and she can't sleep with more than 3 without being considered a whore, I think sex is something you should save for people who mean something to you.
So, anyway, she confided in me that she had been with 11 people including me... I honestly didn't really care when she told me, I knew she had a promiscuous past, but mainly it was due to her low self esteem so I figured it was just a girl making dumb mistakes in her past and tried to let it go. Before being my girlfriend we were best friends, she had told me stories about having sex friends in the past and her past relationships. I really wish I could say most of her experiences were at least legitimate relationships to her, but no... they weren't...
She has a problem with thinking poorly about herself, I think she's wonderful. So I was more just angry about people using her.. But recently it's been reoccurring to me. "Dude.. you're number 11..." and it's driving me crazy... I don't want to break up with her for that, not at all. I love her a lot, but the number freaks me out. In a sense, it makes me feel like regardless of how I treated her, she would have put out, which I know isn't true but it feels like it.... like I'm not that special to her. ..Also, before I get all the "Well who do you think you are asshole?! How many girls have you been with?!" I was a virgin before her. I'm not a super religious prude, I'm just nervous around girls. And I've only had a few girlfriends before her, and I didn't do much with them. I had no intention of just trying to get laid either.And here we are. 1 year 1 months in.
And in all reality, I just needed to vent. So if you're gonna just tell me something like, "What does it matter who she's been with? She's with you and trusted you enough to tell you.... yadda yadda yadda" I've heard that. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but most people who say those things aren't the ones who've been in situations like this.
I hate myself for being bothered so much by this, but it irks me. The last time we were together, I couldn't stop thinking about it... it's really messing up my head. Not my view of her, in fact it makes me want to protect her more and keep her all to myself. Not in a kidnapping way, but in a hanging out constantly sort of way. I really love this girl, and wouldn't change a thing about her, but her past keeps bugging me...
So if I offended anyone, or made anyone feel like I think less of people who've had sex with a lot of people, I'm sorry. I don't really care what other people do, but when it's my girlfriend, I won't say any more because some of her stories make me want to puke.... So, thank you for reading this, and I hope I didn't offend you too much...If so, sorry