Is it normal to think this way about my girlfriend?

Okay, so... recently I found out my girlfriend had slept with a lot of people (she told me). We're in our early 20s and it's pretty high for her age... I don't believe in that moronic thing where I can sleep with a ton of women and she can't sleep with more than 3 without being considered a whore, I think sex is something you should save for people who mean something to you.

So, anyway, she confided in me that she had been with 11 people including me... I honestly didn't really care when she told me, I knew she had a promiscuous past, but mainly it was due to her low self esteem so I figured it was just a girl making dumb mistakes in her past and tried to let it go. Before being my girlfriend we were best friends, she had told me stories about having sex friends in the past and her past relationships. I really wish I could say most of her experiences were at least legitimate relationships to her, but no... they weren't...

She has a problem with thinking poorly about herself, I think she's wonderful. So I was more just angry about people using her.. But recently it's been reoccurring to me. "Dude.. you're number 11..." and it's driving me crazy... I don't want to break up with her for that, not at all. I love her a lot, but the number freaks me out. In a sense, it makes me feel like regardless of how I treated her, she would have put out, which I know isn't true but it feels like it.... like I'm not that special to her. ..Also, before I get all the "Well who do you think you are asshole?! How many girls have you been with?!" I was a virgin before her. I'm not a super religious prude, I'm just nervous around girls. And I've only had a few girlfriends before her, and I didn't do much with them. I had no intention of just trying to get laid either.And here we are. 1 year 1 months in.

And in all reality, I just needed to vent. So if you're gonna just tell me something like, "What does it matter who she's been with? She's with you and trusted you enough to tell you.... yadda yadda yadda" I've heard that. I know that it shouldn't bother me, but most people who say those things aren't the ones who've been in situations like this.

I hate myself for being bothered so much by this, but it irks me. The last time we were together, I couldn't stop thinking about it... it's really messing up my head. Not my view of her, in fact it makes me want to protect her more and keep her all to myself. Not in a kidnapping way, but in a hanging out constantly sort of way. I really love this girl, and wouldn't change a thing about her, but her past keeps bugging me...

So if I offended anyone, or made anyone feel like I think less of people who've had sex with a lot of people, I'm sorry. I don't really care what other people do, but when it's my girlfriend, I won't say any more because some of her stories make me want to puke.... So, thank you for reading this, and I hope I didn't offend you too much...If so, sorry

Voting Results
72% Normal
Based on 130 votes (94 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • (s)aint

    I have probably been with about ... 13-14 people, I'm 22 and I'm too lazy to count right now and all I can say is: If you are single and care free so what? It has NOTHING to do with how you later behave in a relationship.

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    • kingofthebigToe

      Your are So Right.

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      • Do you live n Washington state?

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    • **smacks butt hard**

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  • dom180

    Have you made this story before? It rings a bell, and the other one had as good a set of comments on it as you're likely to get. If you let yourself keep believing something you know it irrational and damaging to your relationship of course you're going to keep feeling down.

    Sex is less special to her than it is to you. So what? It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, just that whether she has sex with your or not is a rubbish method of telling whether she loves you or not.

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  • NeuroNeptunian

    I am 22 and have been with 14 men and have had a lot of relationships and I think you should know that it doesn't make my current significant other any less special to me.

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  • zenparadox

    If your girlfriend really made most of het sexual choices do tp insecurity issues you should relate because your not confident in your relationship eith her such as where you 'realize she would have put out no matter what' maybe so. Maybe not. But if so maybe she was searching for something more and found it with you (an actual relationship)

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  • missy100

    I had 10+ men by the time was 24. My husbands knows about the other men. He actually likes me to tell him about the details of my past love making with the other men. It is good for me to know I can tell him anything and everything about my past without feeling like I am a slut.

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  • tigressdawn

    Quite frankly, it's not any of your business how many people she's slept with. She shouldn't have told you and you shouldn't have asked.

    Rule of thumb, don't ask questions you don't really want to know the answer to. This goes in line with stupid questions like "Is my dick bigger than your ex's?" and "Was your ex better than me in bed?" Just, don't ask and don't compare yourself to her previous men.

    She's with YOU, not them. There's a reason she left them and stuck with you. If she didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't be with you. She'd find a different guy.

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  • GreatArt

    She shouldn't have told you - you didn't need to know that shit. You're obviously gonna feel that way but the best thing if u still want the relationship is to just try and forget.

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  • TwoThumbs

    Yeah you know. When I was your age I had a similar thing happen to me. Not that the girls number was crazy high (11 isn't really high btw)....but I knew one guy that she slept with. They weren't a couple....they were more like Friends with benefits. When we first started dating I knew she had messed with this guy in the past. Because it came up in convo with him....probably 6 months before.

    Fast forward her and I start hanging out. This other guy and her quit hooking up probably 4 months prior. I was fine with it. Then a couple of months later....I kind of obsessed over it. Just in a "that guy was kind of a douche and can't believe she dated him" sort of way. The feeling would come and go...but it really made me question feelings for her. I just couldn't figure out why she'd hook up w/ a guy who was such an asshole.

    I was a 21 then. So young and so stupid. First of all... it doesn't matter who she slept with...assuming she doesn't have any vd. She's still the person I fell for...without those experiences she's not the person that I care about now. She would be a different person with different life experiences.

    Same goes with you. This girl wouldn't be the same person she is without these experiences. It's part of her. Hopefully she was "safe" and doesn't have any diseases. Then its fine. That number doesn't matter. Because the one guarantee I have for you is the older you get....and the older people you start dating...the higher those numbers get for everyone.

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  • CozmoWank

    To the OP- I've always viewed people who have a lot of partners as having commitment issues. Also if they tell you you're special but you know they've told that to so many guys before it just doesn't mean anything. If everyone is special is anyone really that special? Just seems cold, calculated and self serving to sleep around and use people to just get off. Or it could be that they have to prove to themselves that other people find them attractive.

    And no, I'm hardly a prude, my views aren't based on religious beliefs, and I don't think people have to wait until marriage or any of that.

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  • Crusades

    Whenever someone says they slept with "people", i immediately think about them sleeping with both men and women. Which is a no no to me. Bisexual people are promiscuous as hell.

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    • (s)aint

      I said people because I have been with some women too, sue me.

      A bisexual friend of mine is 27 and has been with zero people, she's waiting for the one.

      You can't judge people's promiscuity based upon their sexual preferences!

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  • ibreathelectric

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should wait to have sex until you're married.

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