Is it normal to think like this?

I'm black. When i was younger, living in the country i did, i didn't care about skin color than much. But then i started having friends with lighter skin tones and of different races and i began to wish i was them. Not because of the way they behaved but of how they looked. I began to hate being black. Then there were the rare white kids and those who were mixed and soon i wasn't friends with anyone that had the same complexion or hair as me. My friends were from every other race but my own. i would take group pictures with them and i was the only black person.

This wanting to be anything but black intensified as i grew older and moved to the United States. There were people of different races and i tried so hard to hide my accent because i didn't want anyone to know i was Jamaican. I couldn't change the color of my skin so i at least wanted to sound like everyone else. If anyone heard a hint of an accent and asked if i was from Jamaica, i would look at them like they've grown a third head and shake my head frantically. I can't remember how many stories I've told.

I wanted to be anything but black. What made it worse was that, where i moved to, Tampa, Florida, Black People had some kind of reputation. At least in the schools i went to. They were loud, vulgar, didn't know how to speak proper english, jokers, illiterate, have the most ridiculous names that their parents somehow thought would make them unique, etc, etc.

I still long to have been born a white American or any other race out there as long as i don't end up black. I hate my hair because it's not nice and curly or straight. It's just one big mess on top of my head. At least if i had straight hair, i would have the option of wearing it out without the whole poofy afro thing going on.

People keep saying that black is beauty but i don't see it. People with lighter skin are the most beautiful people to me. I've seen people that are really pale and i can do nothing but sit and daydream, imagining myself with skin like that. I hate my black skin. i feel unworthy to even approach a white person because who would want to talk to a black person. I have purposely tried to stay far away from black people.

I don't want to be in a minority. I don't want to have a past where my ancestors had to fight and fight and fight just to have their voices heard. i feel like black people were just some experiment gone horribly wrong.

And for those of you who believe in God: If God made us all equal, why not make us all white or all 'Asian'-looking or something. why did black people have to exist?

It is normal to have these views and feel this way? I took a few quizzes and found I'm a self-hating racist. I don't care how racist i sound. i despise being black.