Is it normal to think gay people's attitudes sabotage their own cause?

My default argument against homophobia was that it's none of your business what other people do if it's not affecting you, but it's pretty hard to keep making that point when so many gay people keep drawing attention to themselves and seem to have no personality traits beyond being gay. Once some homophobe told me that if it's not his business then why do they keep bringing it up? So I changed gears a little and said there's nothing wrong with being gay, and he said there has to be something wrong with anything that causes people to be loud and annoying no matter what it is.

It's things like that which make me think that gay culture has caused more homophobia than religion has. I've known my share of gay people who talked about nothing other than being gay. They would butt into other people's conversations and try to change the subject. Of course not all gay people are like that, but obnoxious behavior seems to be far more instilled in gay culture than in most other groups. Only fundamentalists and football fans are worse. Mainstream gay culture doesn't see a difference between having an identity and shoving that identity down everyone's throats. It comes across as unfriendly and, to homophobes, makes gay people seem like the aggressors. A homophobe's logic might be, if gay people want to be seen as a separate group of people then why not do exactly that. Most gay people seem to tolerate this kind of behavior. If they don't all want to be seen like that, they need to speak against people who turn homosexuality into a cult.

In ancient times and even as recent as medieval times in many cultures, sexual orientation as we think of it today didn't exist. Everyone was bisexual and anyone who didn't swing both ways was the exception rather than the rule. This historical fact can be easily looked up, but has been downplayed both by the homophobes who think that is depravity and gay people who want to believe what they're doing is new and unique. The gay and straight divide is a construct, and a relatively recent one at that. I don't know whether the change from things being that way came from people looking for a new thing to hate or for a new thing to brag about and use to see themselves as better than others, but both sides are misrepresenting the truth and acting inappropriately. Both homophobes and gay culture are spreading hate and ignorance. Homophobes need to stop hating people just because they're different. But gay people also need to stop acting like the obnoxious behavior that they tolerate isn't bringing the hate down on themselves.