Is it normal to tell someone that you aren't interested in them?

4 Comments

I've had several experiences where men have, when they realized that they weren't interested, waited an excruciatingly long time to say something, assuming they ever said something. This has always ended up with me getting hurt and feeling sad and confused. I have several male friends who say that the same thing has happened to them, but with women. It is because of these experiences that I have decided that it is not necessarily my job to take care of the other person's feelings enough to actually say something in a timely and efficient manner. I realized yesterday that a guy I know is interested in me, and I'm pretty sure I don't feel the same way. This means I have three options: I can tell him now, I can give myself a break and tell him in a week or so, or I can just leave it and go on with my day. I'm probably going to tell him immediately, but, internet, I want to know what YOU would do in this situation. You aren't giving me advice, I just really want to know what the standard actually is, because I'm convinced that most people don't care enough to say anything right away (if ever).

So, if you realized that someone you knew was interested in dating you, what would you do? Please feel free to explain your position in the comments.

I would tell them eventually. 14
I would tell them immediately. 15
I would let them figure it out for themselves. 12
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Comments ( 4 )
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    I've seen people get hurt in this way before, too. A good male friend did it to a good female friend. It seems quite common. I like to think I'd tell them immediately rather than lead them on, but I'm also fairly oblivious to people liking me (until maybe a few months later when I'm thinking of that person and it will finally click that they must have liked me. That's happened several times) so I might end up accidentally leading someone on (although I don't think I've ever done that).

    Perhaps some of the people who don't tell them are afraid of looking arrogant by assuming someone likes them or not wanting to embarrass or humiliate the other person. I'm sure some others are just not considerate people though.

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  • BallsToWall
    10 years ago

    I had to do this two days ago. I went on a date with some guy, he was REALLY into me, but I wasn't into him at all. I simply did not feel attracted to his personality or looks. After the date he texted me, I considered for a second not replying but then I thought how immature that would be. So I called him and told him right away "I am sorry, I had a great time, but there can't be anything between us. I don't like you that way. Don't invite me anywhere again and don't try to get me. It won't happen. I hope you can understand". His reply was surprisingly friendly and understanding. He wasn't mad or anything, he was just surprised and a little sad. Being direct is always the best policy, playing games is for high school.

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  • oops
    10 years ago

    I would just ignore it! Any guy is okay for me:)

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  • pacinoharmon
    10 years ago

    I had this situation a few months ago; I didn't want to flat out tell this guy I wasn't interested because I wasn't sure how he'd react. I don't hate him so I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I hinted at it by not flirting back when he would flirt with me. I think he eventually got it.

    Only one guy I was into told me he didn't like me, and he was pretty rude about it. But it's in the past. I want to know whether a guy I like feels the same or not, but it hurts to be told in such a cruel way, or completely ignored.

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