Is it normal to still feel for someone who's hurt you so bad?

"Troy" is my cousin. Before you freak out and post, "That's disgusting!" I want to tell you that we are not biological cousins. He's not physically my family, but we've grown up as cousins and his mother is married to my uncle, so he's still technically my cousin. Moving on, a year back I figured out that my uncle wasn't "Troy's" biological father and I don't know exactly what happened, but I started feeling for him . . . romantically, you could say. Just a bit after I started feeling like that, he slept over in January 2011, and we ended up having sex . . . although right after that night I felt horrible and regretted it entirely. I didn't know how to deal with it because obviously I couldn't tell anyone else because they'd be way to judgmental, so I kept it inside and that was my way of coping with it. It always haunted me and, usually probably several times a week, I'd break down and just let everything out through tears. Sooner or later, I'd told my cousin, "Rose" is what I'll call her, how I had felt and she had understood and gave me the permission to talk with her. I thought it would help because it would give me someone to talk to about it, but after a while I got worse. It got so bad that crying wasn't enough for me so I chose to let the pain out a different way. I started cutting my arms so I felt the sting and the pain of the cut, and didn't have to focus on my emotional pain. That became my way of coping for a while, until I did it about my third or forth time and "Rose" snitched on me. My little secret was out and I knew after that, that it if I had ever done it again, they'd find it out because they'd check my arms and see. So, after I was caught, I held back whenever I had the urge just to not get found out all over again. Those cuts are now scars, and everyone sees what I once was . . . stupid. You can word it however you want, but what I did was stupid and I know that know. I was stupid for letting myself cry over him and I was stupid for physically harming myself over him. But why didn't that realization keep me from getting that feeling in my stomach whenever I saw him? I decided to tell my best friend/cousin, who I'll call "Scarlet". I told her everything but then she went and told some other family members and in that moment I knew what happened today was going to happen.
I'm not going to drag on and on, but just a few days ago "Troy" and I formed . . . something. He said it was serious and he was serious about me. He put his arm around me, called me baby, and all the other basics. But today when what we knew as "us" came out, he blamed everything on anybody who wasn't him. He blamed the "sex" on me, he said that he didn't want to and that I made him. He said he didn't agree to be "together" and that he was forced to. Then it hit me that he has no nice side, he's just a jerk. But I just saw him again and whatever I feel is still there and I hate myself for it.

How do I get over whatever we were?